Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

[Melon1989]

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground.

I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate.

Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye.

There has been absolute radio silence since then.

I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining.

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

Don't be embarrassed, you made a decision that suited you at the time...this experience will make you stronger!

Of course. You had expectations and high hopes and it’s sad when they’re not met. But he’s a red flag and you really don’t want to deal with that for the test of your life. Well done!!

Don't be embarrassed - being stonewalled has terrible psychological and physiological effects. I also needed medication to cope with being given frequent silent treatments in my marriage. It's a really, really cruel thing to do to someone. Here's an article about how badly it affects the target. Research also shows that the psychological effects long-term of being subjected to this treatment are considerable.

https://dandeliontraininganddevelopment.com/2025/11/the-damage-of-the-silent-treatment/

He's been absolutely horrible to you for no reason. You did nothing to deserve this treatment. Of course you feel terrible! But you will feel better in time.

The silent treatment is a real bellwether for future abuse, and it should be better known as the MASSIVE red flag that it is.

Not talking to you for days on end because you were on a night out with friends is one of the biggest red flags I've ever heard of. Is he from a different culture? Because that is EXTREME. Controlling little shit. Who does he think he is? What gives him the right to think he can control another grown adult? I am SO mad on your behalf!

The "fantastic" parts of your relationship weren't real, OP. This is who he actually is - an inadequate, angry, cruel misogynist. Talk about a lucky escape!

Excellent work OP.

Well done @Melon1989 .

It's a big blow when someone you've invested time and possibly hope in proves to be such a disappointment. But there's something to be learned from this experience that will make you stronger, and more alert to shite behaviours in the future. Better things definitely ahead. Cheering you on from the sidelines at having taken control of the situation and looked after your best interests.

He basically created an imaginary problem and then told you he was punishing you because you did not buy into the imaginary problem. That is just nuts.

Don't be at all embarrassed about taking the anti-anxiety med. He drove you to feel bad enough to do that - don't forget that. He caused the anxiety.

My ex would punish me if I missed a call - even if I was at work. When I'd spot the missed call I'd call him back and he would ignore me for days.

These men are absolutely batshit and they give their partners the gift of anxiety, tension, self-doubt, depression, confusion and guilt.

I have photos of myself towards the end of the two years I was with him and my face is literally ashen. I look really unwell, and very sad.

I'm so glad you have freed yourself

Thank you, I hope I feel better in a few days. Feel really rough at the moment

Jesus. Who are these men who expect their partner to text and call them when they are out with friends?

You made a good decision OP.

Who are these men who expect their partner to text and call them when they are out with friends?
Controlling arseholes who should be dumped.

When I ended it he really emphasised that he lost his ‘emotional connection’ to me when I went out at the weekend and didn’t text him.

When I ended it he really emphasised that he lost his ‘emotional connection’ to me when I went out at the weekend and didn’t text him.
I'd have laughed at that.
His ‘emotional connection’ seems to have depended on a peculiar expectation of his.

My ex was like this, and he never changed. The silent treatment is abusive and I finally had enough and didn’t want to be with someone whose mood changed so easily, and thought it was acceptable to ignore me (once for 6wks would you believe).

Well done @Melon1989. You are free now from the control. You can come and go as you please. I wish you lots of happiness and remember this will make you stronger. 💐

You're sad now Op but that's natural, you thought you had a future with him and now that's gone. In a while when you've had time to adjust you'll see how much he was taking the joy out of your life and how on edge you've been. Any man who loses his "emotional connection" over such trivial things didn't really love you for yourself

Wow, what a controlling insecure tosser, I know you’re sad, but seriously , no one needs this kind of loser in their life.

Be on guard, he sounds unhinged. You have taken back control- he won’t like that. He sounds like an egotistical child. Thank the lord he showed his true colours early doors. You may feel grim now but think how much worse it would be years down the line.

I would block him. He is controlling.
Go back to Bumble...there are nicer men.
Also, write a list before you do that of what you expect from a man and what you dont.
You are a treasure, treat youself like one. 😀

“Emotional connection” aka “sense of control”. 🙄

It’s a good thing when controlling assholes lose interest in you because you’re not easily controlled.

Jealous, controlling weirdo. Please dump. I had one like this and unfortunately did not take my own advice until much later. Don't waste another minute of your time on him.

Good god, how old is this “man” op?

“Emotional connection” aka “sense of control”

So true!

What a sad insecure little man.
You’ve made a lucky escape.
A colleague of mine was married to a prick like this and i honestly don’t know how she put up with it. I wouldn’t have been able to breathe.

Lost his 'emotional connection' my arse. He realised that he wasn't going to be able to control you more like. You've dodged a bad one OP. Well done.

I’ve been married for decades, I’d laugh if DH ever said this.

What a sad wee man he is 😂 Don’t just throw him back, throw him far far away. He’s spent the past 4 days listening to a manosphere podcast to come out with that garbage.

I know you’re sad, but he’s awful. Imagine hearing a friend being spoken to like that. You would scoop her up and run.

Take care, he sounds like the sort that would turn up on your lawn unannounced and start begging for you back. I hope you have some friends around you ❤