Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

[Melon1989]

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground.

I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate.

Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye.

There has been absolute radio silence since then.

I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining.

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

Dump the scumbag FAST and never ever have anything more to do with him.

He's ridiculously childish, controlling and tantrum-throwing.

He needs a psychiatrist for his psychotic behaviour.

Dump.

Is he planning on producing a list of people you are “allowed” to speak to?! Your response of doing nothing and letting it fizzle out is spot on. Currently he is punishing you, he wants you to chase after him then make promises to change your behaviour going forward. He’s trying to modify your behaviour and control you. You most likely have had a lucky escape

Don't feel empty and sad @Melon1989 , feel thankful and relieved that this man has shown his true colours so early that you can dodge the bullet that he most definitely is.

As everyone else has said, silent treatment is abusive behaviour. It comes from a place of seeking to punish the other person and is generally a strong indicator of coercive controlling behaviours. This is also backed up by him saying that he doesn't like you speaking to other men!

Go free and be really, really thankful that you have got away from him. Seriously, be so happy that you are not investing any more time and energy into a toxic person. Maybe consider thinking about why you were attracted to him and if you've ever been attracted to other similar types. I mean this in a very kind way, because it is good to know if we are subconsciously seeking out comfortable patterns of behaviour from our childhood that are not always good for us.

Block his number and don’t look back. It’s a blessing he’s taken himself out to the bin.

it’s all a massive red flag, this man will make your life hell if you stick around. Please don’t.

Well, at least you realised what a looser he is early on into the relationship.
Don't let him worm his way back again.

You have had a lucky escape here, so block him and move on. Don't engage with him on any level. If he gives you any hassle then talk to the police.

It was barely a relationship, a couple of months, so think yourself lucky that he has shown you his controlling behaviour early enough that you didn't have to deal with it for very long.

The hills are that way OP! Well done for recognising a giant red flag when you see one. He cannot control his jealousy and temper.

Stand by for massive apology gesture.

Don't let it fizzle out, actively finish with him.

He's controlling - red flag.

It’s really refreshing to see a woman with boundaries, I read so many threads on here from women with little to none, who ignore the red flags and go on to develop relationships they struggle to get out of with men who abuse them, control them, or generally treat them like shite.

putting an end to it immediately when you see this behaviour is important. Clearly the op should have done it first time, and when it started to become apparent he didn’t like her to go out, had jealousy issues, but at least she’s acting now.

Being in a relationship should be a choice. You choose things that make you feel good, make you happy, improve your life. Why would you choose a relationship that makes you uncomfortable, someone who makes your life more difficult. Don't choose any man that tries to control you, gives you the silent treatment, or just in general make your life better. You made a good choice in not pandering to his childish behaviours

Wow he's showing his colours early on isn't he? @Melon1989 Honestly you definitely need to bin him - but rather than let is fizzle I'd be telling him straight that it's over and that his shitty controlling behaviour is the reason. Then block him.

Absolutely do not chase him, in fact I’d dump him right now. Or wait until he comes crawling back and then tell him to fuck off. Five months in and he’s treating you like this? Absolutely no way!

Walk away now and be glad you found out what a coercive, controlling arsehole he is, early in the relationship. OP, I can’t stress this enough - this will not get better. You cannot change him - this is who he is. He’ll do it again and again, the behaviour will escalate and the apologies (meaningless anyway) will stop. You will end up isolated from friends and family and he will control every aspect of your life. You need to end it now and take steps to ensure you’re safe when you do so.

If you like this kind of treatment and want it to be your future, then stay.

If you don't, then leave. It's that simple.

He's showing you exactly who he is – which is a coercive, controlling prick. All the enjoyable aspects of your relationship up until this point were just a cover, so he could draw you in, make you feel emotionally invested, and therefore more likely to tolerate this kind of abusive behaviour once he started to display it.

You don't owe him anything – not even an explanation. Absolutely do not contact him. He doesn't care about you, and that's a really painful realisation to reach. But you will be doing yourself as a HUGE, HUGE favour in ending this relationship. I would be celebrating the fact that it's only been six months – short enough for you to recover from it relatively easily, and you really will. How dare he attempt to treat you like this; don't let him. Better things will be ahead for you – if you leave this prick now.

His behaviour and those thought patterns are red flags.

Block him and he done.

Yes please do that asap. It won’t get better

Too often we spend 'dating' time ignoring the partner's faults and focusing on the romance and whatever. Then after getting married and having kids you can't ignore the faults.

Do it the other way around be as harsh and critical as you possibly can when dating.

Agree with other PP. You can do better.

You’re doing the right thing mirroring his behaviour (he’s being silent, you be silent). But it suggests at best serious emotional immaturity and at worse emotionally abusive behaviour, especially coupled with him being paranoid about you going out for a friend’s birthday? He’s trying to control you and punish you for having a separate independent life. This is only early doors when most people are on best behaviour in relationships. Is this is him putting his best foot forwards… I would run. Trust your gut

He's a nightmare.
The trash took itself out. Don't let it back in.
I'd be blocking him on everything.

At best he is emotionally immature… o couldn’t be dealing with this

Get ready for the next steps: he will apologise, be very lovely, and make you doubt yourself. Block him now and walk away while you have no ties except your feelings.

Walk away grateful you dodged a nightmare. Because of the controlling nature of this maybe it is a good idea to install a door camera if you can.

Not speaking to male colleagues? Flipping hell. Then if your doctor is male, you can't be seen for health reasons. Bank manager male? Nope. Get rid ASAP. It will only get worse. Entitled male ego at its worse.