Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

[Melon1989]

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground.

I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate.

Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye.

There has been absolute radio silence since then.

I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining.

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

This is a very refreshing thread, Op!

Brilliant, please stick to your guns and don't be persuaded this time - this is the beginning of coercive control and it's in his DNA.

Wait for him to contact you and then enjoy the satisfaction of telling him it's over. THEN block him.

Jesus Christ, if he's like this a few months in just imagine what he'd be like in a few years. Especially if you were to get married, he'd have an even greater sense of ownership over you.

You've absolutely done the right thing by not contacting him. He's waiting for you to. And if you did, there would - without a single doubt in my mind - be accusations of you going quiet on him because you'd been cheating on him on your night out.

In your shoes, I'd stay silent but not block immediately because I assume he knows where you live, etc. When he contacts you (which he will eventually), tell him very clearly it's over and then block.

Don’t just let it fizzle out, you need to actively leave this loser before he controls everything you do

OP please see the other thread from a woman whose fiance displayed these behaviours. It is the start of controlling and abusive behaviour. It’s good that you see that. Walk away.

More Red Flags than a Communist Party Conference. Dump.

This is a really dysfunctional pattern of behaviour - the most important thing in a relationship is communication. If he cannot express his feelings in a healthy way you will never be able to problem solve effectively. In addition to this is the huge red flag in relation to the actual issue he is upset about. You are absolutely entitled to have a life! It has only been 6 months - cut your losses. Do not break the silence or respond when he does.

Yiu need to understand that the silent treatment has the specific goal of ensuring that next time you want to go out with your friend, you think twice because you are not sure its worth the hassle of the silent treatment.

I will put money on the fact that last time ge did it, he came back with lots of excuses about his insecurity/his cheating ex/his childhood trauma? Aka it "wasnt his fault".

End it now. If you attempt to fizzle he will be back. Send one message and block. Because I 100% promise that if you dont, when you end it be wjll come crawling back with excuses and promises.

I'm glad you can see his treatment for what it is. You're absolutely right not to chase.
Good for you for having boundaries and standards.

This will get worse and worse, it will never end and it will make your life miserable.

It's domestic abuse.

You've had a lucky escape, well done x

Lucky escape indeed!

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

Feeling "empty and awful right now" is exactly where he wants you, OP.

You could let this fizzle out, or you could knock in on the head ASAP.

Let’s face it OP.

He is not going to change, he is not going to have a chat with a mate, the mate is not going to explain what a dick he has been, he is not going to suddenly see the light and change into a caring, thoughtful partner who believes in equality, your right to choose your own friends and that adult relationships are based on trust and honesty not childish manipulation and sulking.

And even if he did realise those things he wouldn’t change because actually he likes having you dangling on the end of a bit of string, he doesn’t need to make any effort and it makes him feel like a masterful powerful king and reinforces his view of how women should be treated.

Throw this one back.

I would simply send him a text saying after his behaviour on Sunday you are letting him know the relationship is not going to work out and it’s over.

then block

that way you ended it on your terms rather than waiting for him to get over his sulk

Please just walk away. My Daughter didn't and her life is hell and so is the life of the child they had together. Even aged 3 my beautiful Granddaughter had learnt to placate her Father. 🚩🚩

Absolutely don't chase this guy. Let it fizzle out. You're dodging a bullet.

Yes, you are doing the right thing. Can you imagine a future where this happens every time you want to do something independently of him?

I think you should send him a message ending the relationship. Don't carry on seeing this immature moody person. After his behaviour he doesnt deserve the consideration of being told face to face.

Obviously you’re doing the right thing.

but learn from this, you should have done this at the first sign of this controlling manipulative behaviour.

It's not just emotionally draining, it's emotionally abusive.
Nobody should entertain dating people like this, done it myself, it mucks up a mind big time and it won't stop, often getting much much worse.

You're ace, dump his bum and find someone who doesn't make dating them some big drama.

This guy isn't worth it gal, throw him back and move on. He's a brat throwing toys out the pram. You'll never have clear communication with him & you deserve better x

Yes, I would only message him to dump him if he gets back in touch with you. Don’t give him the satisfaction of telling you it was already over. If he contacts you, reply to him to dump him. If he doesn’t, then count yourself lucky and forget about him.

Because obviously you’re going to dump him, right?

If he’s like this in the early months of your relationship, OP, he’ll be 10 times worse if you married and especially if you had children.

Don’t meet him again, don’t let him talk his way back in. You know it will only get worse.

Tell him you are not comfortable being with a misogynistic, controlling, stroppy, man child. So you are calling it day.

Move on, life is too short. It will just get worse. Especially when it’s started rather quickly with the controlling behaviour