Page 3 | Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

Melon1989 · 2026-06-03T03:58:11+00:00

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground. I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March. About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate. Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye. There has been absolute radio silence since then. I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining. Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

cheezncrackers · Yesterday 07:07

Jealous and controlling behaviour. Your instincts are right.

Redruby2020 · Yesterday 07:08

Yes you are very right to not do that!
This is early signs of what more is to come! Please don’t be in the position many of us have been. And keep waiting to see what the next thing is that happens.
This early on it should be enjoyable not like this.
Don’t take it any further.

SnappyQuoter · Yesterday 07:08

Melon1989 · Yesterday 05:04

Thanks. He also made a point recently of saying he’s uncomfortable with me having male friends. Even me speaking to male colleagues seems to make him feel uncomfortable/is seen as some sort of betrayal.

Why did you keep seeing him? As soon as you saw that dangerous and controlling behaviour, why did you stay?

For your one safety, you need to figure out why you didn’t have the confidence to end it there and then. You need to end it now, not leave it to fizzle and maybe see him and chat to him again. The guy is using abusive techniques to control your behaviour and make sure that, over time, you would give up going out with friends and you would stop talking to any other men in any context. He would wear you down. That’s what he is trying to do.

This is abuse. Leave and never speak to him again. And figure out why you stayed. The freedom programme is something you should do.

quackers7 · Yesterday 07:09

Yep this is the start of control tactics. Don’t just let it fizzle, throw a bucket of water on it. It will only get worse. I suspect he will be back with the same big apologies in a day or two so be prepared for that.

Laura95167 · Yesterday 07:11

Youre doing the 2nd best thing. The best thing would be to communicate hes dumped.

This emotional rollarcoaster is to control you.

He is alternating how much attention and affection based on "your behavoir" when youre "good" on nice dates with him youre rewarded and when youre "bad" - having a nice time with your friends -affection is removed. Its a tactic and its deliberate and will likely only increase over time as he gets away with it.

Emotional control is still abuse, and a precursor to worse when its in response to your independence and youve already raised this issue.

Hes not a toddler he could control this behaviour but he doesnt want to he wants to control you

Honestly id leave

NameChangeMay2026 · Yesterday 07:11

SnappyQuoter · Yesterday 07:08

Why did you keep seeing him? As soon as you saw that dangerous and controlling behaviour, why did you stay?

For your one safety, you need to figure out why you didn’t have the confidence to end it there and then. You need to end it now, not leave it to fizzle and maybe see him and chat to him again. The guy is using abusive techniques to control your behaviour and make sure that, over time, you would give up going out with friends and you would stop talking to any other men in any context. He would wear you down. That’s what he is trying to do.

This is abuse. Leave and never speak to him again. And figure out why you stayed. The freedom programme is something you should do.

Show quote history

Don't blame her! Abusers mix their poison in with a lot of sugar. It's not as easy to spot as you think, and you won't know if you haven't experienced it.

babyproblems · Yesterday 07:11

Gosh he sounds about 6.
of course do nothing other than a final short text to end it and don’t look back.
xx

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · Yesterday 07:13

Dump him.
Controlling behaviour.

SnappyQuoter · Yesterday 07:14

NameChangeMay2026 · Yesterday 07:11

Don't blame her! Abusers mix their poison in with a lot of sugar. It's not as easy to spot as you think, and you won't know if you haven't experienced it.

Show quote history

She did spot it. She stayed. For future safety, figure out why.

Men are not going to change. Women need to be responsible for their own safety in relationships. Plenty of women still don’t see it as ts happening, and they need even more help. OP saw it and stayed. So she also needs help. That is what the freedom programme is for. That is not blaming women ffs.

TheThingOnTheIce · Yesterday 07:14

Jealous because you are going to out with friends and punishes you with silent treatment
massive red flags which will only escalate
do not go back with this man op

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · Yesterday 07:16

Run for the hills.

Tiddlywinkly · Yesterday 07:19

Thank goodness it's early days with this relationship and he's already shown you who he is. RUN. Do not take him back.

lessglittermoremud · Yesterday 07:20

Melon1989 · Yesterday 05:04

Thanks. He also made a point recently of saying he’s uncomfortable with me having male friends. Even me speaking to male colleagues seems to make him feel uncomfortable/is seen as some sort of betrayal.

I would have ended it then after that conversation, even without the silent treatment!
Is he very young because it all sounds very juvenile?

MyDeftDuck · Yesterday 07:21

You are absolutely doing the right thing…….who would want such a needy, immature, self absorbed manchild in their life?!
He wants to control you, clearly doesn’t like the fact that you have a circle of friends who you want to spend time with and then ignores you when you communicate!
Do not contact him! Block him, move on and enjoy your life.

NameChangeMay2026 · Yesterday 07:24

SnappyQuoter · Yesterday 07:14

She did spot it. She stayed. For future safety, figure out why.

Men are not going to change. Women need to be responsible for their own safety in relationships. Plenty of women still don’t see it as ts happening, and they need even more help. OP saw it and stayed. So she also needs help. That is what the freedom programme is for. That is not blaming women ffs.

Show quote history

You asked her a variation of "Why did you stay?" twice. It reads like you're being accusatory. And then you went on to say she has to figure out why etc etc. Which is fair enough, but your tone was very blaming before that. And I told you why victims stay, because the abuse is only one tiny thing or two until you're trapped. You may not know how it feels to be the frog.

Edit: You actually said "why" four times and also told her what she "needs" to do. A little more empathy for abuse victims wouldn't go amiss. If you haven't been a victim of abuse yourself, maybe you shouldn't give advice. And even if you have, I think you should consider softening your tone. Abuse victims can feel bad enough already, and it can truly happen to ANYONE.

BlueberryPancakes17 · Yesterday 07:26

Huge red flag. He’s controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive. I would get out whilst you can

RoseField1 · Yesterday 07:26

NameChangeMay2026 · Yesterday 07:24

You asked her a variation of "Why did you stay?" twice. It reads like you're being accusatory. And then you went on to say she has to figure out why etc etc. Which is fair enough, but your tone was very blaming before that. And I told you why victims stay, because the abuse is only one tiny thing or two until you're trapped. You may not know how it feels to be the frog.

Edit: You actually said "why" four times and also told her what she "needs" to do. A little more empathy for abuse victims wouldn't go amiss. If you haven't been a victim of abuse yourself, maybe you shouldn't give advice. And even if you have, I think you should consider softening your tone. Abuse victims can feel bad enough already, and it can truly happen to ANYONE.

Edited

Show quote history

She's been with this guy a matter of weeks. It's perfectly valid to ask why a woman hasn't ended a very new relationship when the man starts showing abusive behaviour. It's a question women need to ask ourselves.

NameChangeMay2026 · Yesterday 07:28

RoseField1 · Yesterday 07:26

She's been with this guy a matter of weeks. It's perfectly valid to ask why a woman hasn't ended a very new relationship when the man starts showing abusive behaviour. It's a question women need to ask ourselves.

Show quote history

Months. Since January.

It tends to be people who haven't been victims of abuse who harp on to victims why they stayed. It's really inappropriate. Even more so if you are a victim and know how easy it is to get sucked in.

Iaeve · Yesterday 07:30

This is the beginning of a highly damaging abusive cycle. He’s an abuser OP! End it now and don’t fall for the love bombing that will follow. He’s a cluster A personality disorder. He won’t change it just gets a lot worse.

SnappyQuoter · Yesterday 07:31

NameChangeMay2026 · Yesterday 07:24

You asked her a variation of "Why did you stay?" twice. It reads like you're being accusatory. And then you went on to say she has to figure out why etc etc. Which is fair enough, but your tone was very blaming before that. And I told you why victims stay, because the abuse is only one tiny thing or two until you're trapped. You may not know how it feels to be the frog.

Edit: You actually said "why" four times and also told her what she "needs" to do. A little more empathy for abuse victims wouldn't go amiss. If you haven't been a victim of abuse yourself, maybe you shouldn't give advice. And even if you have, I think you should consider softening your tone. Abuse victims can feel bad enough already, and it can truly happen to ANYONE.

Edited

Show quote history

Abusive men will not stop this. Women do need to take responsibility for themselves and end relationships when abuse starts. If they can’t/don’t then they do need help to figure out why.

A new guy you’ve just started dating give you silent treatment, and has a go at you for speaking to male colleagues… and you keep seeing him. That’s an issue you need to examine within yourself. To keep yourself safe. Because abusive men are not going to keep us safe.

Sparkletastic · Yesterday 07:34

Take control back and end it properly

AhBiscuits · Yesterday 07:37

I wouldn't let it fizzle out, I would tell him that the relationship is not working for you and block him.

Echobelly · Yesterday 07:49

Melon1989 · Yesterday 05:04

Thanks. He also made a point recently of saying he’s uncomfortable with me having male friends. Even me speaking to male colleagues seems to make him feel uncomfortable/is seen as some sort of betrayal.

Absolutely run to the hills from a guy like that and just be thankful he's said it upfront.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · Yesterday 07:52

swore it wouldn’t happen again

It happened again.
Also the male friends stuff
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Elsvieta · Yesterday 07:53

Maybe it's over already? Maybe he's decided he's finished with you? Maybe you were supposed to cave and not go out on Sunday, and now he's decided to keep looking for a woman who's easier to train? Maybe if you tell him it's over, you'll get a confused "Yeah, it was over on Sunday". Don't give him the satisfaction. Block him, and if he tries to get in touch in a week or whatever, he'll find out then. You don't owe him anything else.