Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

[Melon1989]

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground.

I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate.

Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye.

There has been absolute radio silence since then.

I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining.

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

And tell him exactly why. Or he will never change.

He is a controlling, manipulating, thin-skinned loser.

Dump him and block him.

This is the beginning of coercive control. Be prepared for him to get in touch quite soon with huge apologies love bombing , tears etc. Please stay strong. .

I wouldn’t even bother telling him why! He would more than likely twist everything, and try and explain it all away or blame you.

I would not engage with him further, thank goodness he’s shown his true colours this early.

Block him everywhere, and ignore.

Uncomfortable about you talking to male colleagues?

This is not normal and is rather scary. Get out now before you get sucked in any deeper. He's not a nice person.

You’ve already been presented with a huge red flag that you chose to ignore. Please pay attention to this one and run a mile.

End the relationship and block him. There is no fizzling out when dealing with abusive and controlling men until they decide it's over. He'll just ramp up his love bombing like he did before. That method worked brilliantly for him last time as you fell for it hook, line and sinker. He'll just keep changing his tactics, it's like a game to them.

Block him.

Brace yourself for the apology.

I agree. If I set aside tone, and also read the PP’s second message and response to you, I can contextualise it and see what they were trying to do - but that’s a lot of work to have to do when the original post could have been worded quite differently. Often women who are targeted by men like this have low self esteem, and I know that my younger self when I was in a similar (though worse) situation would have seen criticism and blame all over the PP’s post and perhaps have spiralled further.

This fellow sounds a right dick

Move on

First time it’s fair enough that you resolved things and continued with him but second time is a clear pattern. The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. Do you want to be treated like this in the future?

He thinks he's the prize Op, now you're exclusive you're supposed to do everything to keep him in his eyes. Any man that's thinks he's entitled to punish you for having friends needs dumping

That's very quick to show his true colours, but hey at least he did and he's saved you heartache in the future, sorry Op.

Don't fizzle out. Dump him and be done with it.

Yes your being unreasonable!

you are completely unreasonable to even questioning this

Thank goodness he showed his true colours this early.

You're well rid.

This will get worse. It will never stop. He is attempting to isolate you.

The final straw with my controlling ex was when he gave me silent treatment for 3 days purely because I attended a work meeting in London. He couldn't stand the fact that I was excited about the meeting because it was quite important. He hated that I had status in my job and was trying to break me down and lower my confidence.

He pretended to like my family and friends then gradually found reasons to hate them and to tried to make me doubt that they cared about me.

If you go back to this man he will attempt to ruin every single thing you do for your own enjoyment.

Of course you’re doing the right thing, huge red flag 🚩 when someone you have only been dating a short time gets annoyed because you are doing something without him. Not to mention the sulking, so off putting. Run for the hills.

Oh no, another one of "those" men.

He's trying to train and control you to make your life so small that he is your sole focus (though I bet he still wouldn't be happy and you'd be forever walking on eggshells). No friends. Give up your job. Obey without question or be punished with moods and silent treatment.

Luckily it is easy to extricate yourself at this early stage. No shared home, kids or finances. You haven't (yet) lost friends, family and career.

Don't see him again. If he gets in touch when he deigns to "forgive" you, tell him directly you don't wish to continue and if he asks for a reason say his moods and silent treatment are unacceptable and that you don't appreciate him trying to control your lifestyleamd friendships. If he asks for another chance tell him he's already had that and blown it. Goodbye. Block. The End.

Better luck next time.

Oh no don’t do that. He will learn that but he’ll still have the same underlying behaviours and belief system but he’ll learn to hide them until the next victim is sucked into it.

I positively like the fact they can give themselves away so easily once we’ve learned the signs.

It was good when it was good OP. Now it is no longer good, so now it is time to walk away.

Just because you had a nice time with him before, does not mean you are indebted or tied to this person forever.

It is okay to walk away from something that is not serving you anymore. I think you know that already, but sometimes we just need to hear it again.

It's great that you've nipped this in the bud early. Too many women continue in relationships despite massive red flags like this, and we get them turning up on here two years down the line when it's much more difficult to extract themselves. I'm all in favour of men like this being shown that the silent treatment can work both ways.

Don’t let it “fizzle out”, he will come crawling back shortly.

send him a message telling him your relationship is over then block.

6 months isn't nothing but it is still only 26 weeks and not 'official' until march. Like most women I have been in an abusive relationship which I walked into with my eyes wilfully shut. I hold myself responsible for my part in that mess which was overlooking the obvious red flags because I wanted to believe he was someone else. Being abused does not remove our critical faculties.

This behaviour will escalate, not get better. He's showing you who he really is.