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Relationships

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My husband will leave me if I take off the hijab.

351 replies

Lotusflowerbombx · 31/05/2026 23:46

I’ve been married and a revert/covert to Islam for 6 years now for, yes I did it for my husband but I was so blindly in love at the time theres not much I wouldn’t of done. 6 years on and 2 DC I’m questioning everything!! I always have tbh, I’ve spoke many times with my husband about the hijab and how I don’t want to wear it but he said he’ll leave me if I don’t. He’s very much practicing and prays 5x a day at the mosque and he believes I do too but half the time I’m not actually.. I do feel bad about it though that’s why I think do I believe in this religion? When I’m having a bad anxiety day I pray and it makes me feel better but soon as that days done I’m back to pretending :( I had a conversation with my husband the other day about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older what would he do and his answer was he would wash his hands of her and I just catch fathom how a parent could be so cold.. I hate wearing the hijab I don’t feel free and if my daughter was in my position I would say get rid but I’m just so scared I’ll regret it, is losing love worth it to show my hair? In all other areas he’s great, he’s the best dad and always helping with house work.. if I could dress how I want I would never think about leaving him :( anyone been in a similar situation? I struggle to find anything relatable online

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
PermanentTemporary · Yesterday 00:00

Too easy to say I’d take it off and let him stew.

I did something that MN (and lots of other people) hate in order to conform with a religion. It is probably my single greatest regret. I say that just to show that I know it’s not that simple.

I am certain there are many Muslim women who do not wear hijab. So I’m certain you can find religious backing for what you want to do. I don’t think anyone should be banned from public life for wearing it but I also think that not wearing it is a huge gift to yourself and your daughters. I hope you find a way to move past it.

murasaki · Yesterday 00:01

Is it love if you can't wear what you want? Or your daughter can't?

He obviously thought you bought in, but I can see from what you say that you only really did it for him. This is who he is, what he believes, and you don't. I don't think there's a compromise here, sadly.

I wouldn't bring a daughter into it, and I'd sadly accept it's over and go, you've had the realisation that this isn't the life for you. You have one, you need to live it authentically.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · Yesterday 00:03

If he can leave you over something so petty it’s not love. It’s control.

Take it off and walk away.

moderate · Yesterday 00:04

Take it off.
He leaves you.
Win-win!

sittingonabeach · Yesterday 00:10

Are you legally married?

mommatoone · Yesterday 00:10

Stay safe OP

Lotusflowerbombx · Yesterday 00:11

sittingonabeach · Yesterday 00:10

Are you legally married?

No we just did nikkah

OP posts:
Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 00:12

Lotusflowerbombx · Yesterday 00:11

No we just did nikkah

Take it off
take your children
and go

ChickenBananaBanana · Yesterday 00:13

Lotusflowerbombx · Yesterday 00:11

No we just did nikkah

Oh op. I hope you have your own money and assets.
On the flip side it makes it easy for you to skadaddle.

Lotusflowerbombx · Yesterday 00:14

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 00:12

Take it off
take your children
and go

I wish it was that simple, I love him, the kids love him. Money will also be tight without him.

OP posts:
Growingaseed · Yesterday 00:15

Are you in the UK? Or elsewhere?

It's hard not to look to the total oppression of women in countries like Iran where they have been totally eroded from public life. Wearing the hijab isn't as extreme clearly but you don't want to, you don't feel yourself, and you don't want to represent that for your daughter.

You need to weigh up if you can still love your husband knowing that he will never change.

99bottlesofkombucha · Yesterday 00:15

You aren’t even married. Can you afford to leave him? Because I’d think of my daughter and know I’d be leaving him to support her eventually, so start planning for the right time.

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 00:19

Lotusflowerbombx · Yesterday 00:14

I wish it was that simple, I love him, the kids love him. Money will also be tight without him.

Why post then?

You need to choose then between staying with him and being miserable or leaving him and doing as you please In that case

I wouldn’t tolerate it myself nobody would be telling me what to wear it’s 2026

Lotusflowerbombx · Yesterday 00:19

Growingaseed · Yesterday 00:15

Are you in the UK? Or elsewhere?

It's hard not to look to the total oppression of women in countries like Iran where they have been totally eroded from public life. Wearing the hijab isn't as extreme clearly but you don't want to, you don't feel yourself, and you don't want to represent that for your daughter.

You need to weigh up if you can still love your husband knowing that he will never change.

Yes UK thankfully. I do love him still but jsut can’t help but worry about the future, I’ve wore the hijab for 6 years and I still don’t love it, it’s made me insecure, I feel like when I talk to people about Islam I’m just constantly defending it and it’s draining.. I just want all this weight off my shoulders, deep down I know what I have to do but I’m weak without him, he’s my safe space and idk how I’ll cope without him.

OP posts:
MeganM3 · Yesterday 00:22

I think that his control (in the name of religion) is abuse and he could escalate his controlling behaviour into abuse if you make this change. You should make this change. But be prepared to access help for fleeing domestic abuse. Abuse is not always violence, you will be taken seriously for assistance - for example with housing.

The biggest gift you could give your children especially a daughter is removing religion. It is so oppressive. You need to live your life the way you feel is right and you would really regret staying and wearing hijab forever. She will meet a man who reminds her of her father and live the same life you do, unless you show her another way is valid.

welpsin · Yesterday 00:22

He only values you if you cover your head, is that love?

I would argue no. Do you fear for your life leaving?

I really feel for you OP. I also think it's important that you set an example for your daughter. This is very controlling behaviour. Your daughter is going to feel the huge pressure to please her father and could adjust her clothing choice to do that. This instills a belief that a mans opinion on her clothing is more important than her own and her value is on whether she obeys the men. is that what you want?

Are there charities that can help you leave?

Lotusflowerbombx · Yesterday 00:22

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 00:19

Why post then?

You need to choose then between staying with him and being miserable or leaving him and doing as you please In that case

I wouldn’t tolerate it myself nobody would be telling me what to wear it’s 2026

Isn’t this a place for advice and support? No need to be rude.

OP posts:
swingingbytheseat · Yesterday 00:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

Babyboomtastic · Yesterday 00:24

I think it's very easy for me as a non Muslim women to say 'screw him' and do what you want, because it's hard for me to imagine a guy being so bothered about me covering my hair.

But trying to look at it from a different perspective, if it was agreed when you married, and he believes it's indecent for a woman to not wear hijab, then that's more akin (to him) of me wearing something my culture would consist indecent. So perhaps deciding I'm going to go about topless from now on. I'm not saying they are the same, but in the context they may feel equivalent. In that context, you'd still have the right to do so, but his objection seems more understandable.

If you still love eachother, I hope you can both find a way forward. Ultimately, if his desire to be devout, with a devout wife, is stronger than his love for you, then you're probably doomed.

It could be that a compromise could be formed, where you don't wear it most of the time, but do at family events, for example. But equally, you don't have to do that unless you are content with that compromise. In marriage, people still grow and change, and the question is whether your grow together or apart. A change in a shared religion will pull you apart, but what that means is upto both of you together.

MyJustCat · Yesterday 00:27

If you contact your local Mind they should be able to organise low cost counselling for you.

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 00:27

@Lotusflowerbombx

the thing is, you’ve said you aren’t happy with the wearing of the hijab which is upsetting him.
if you want to spend your life being unhappy then that’s up to you, but woman to woman - I personally feel life is too short to be miserable and it sounds like this is a deal-breaker to him.

you need to make the choice - live a lie about praying and wearing a hijab making you feel uncomfortable or setting yourself free

your life
your choice

I was not being rude I was stating a fact

Ponderingwindow · Yesterday 00:36

I rejected my parent’s religion and it did not go well for me. They would say their reaction was about love, but it was really about control. A parent who loves their child will accept a free-thinking child, even if they choose a different religion.

its your job to protect your daughter from her father. If that means leaving, that is what you need to do. If that means setting an example and making your own life choices, that can work as well.

She may choose Islam and you can support her in her faith, even if you don’t share it. You just need to make sure you are cultivating an environment where it is truly her choice. Since you aren’t choosing freely right now, you aren’t there yet.

FoxHedgehogBadger · Yesterday 00:44

”I had a conversation with my husband about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older and his answer was he would wash his hands of her”

”he’s the best dad”

These two sentences in your post don’t seem to match up. He can’t possibly be the best dad if he’s willing to cut all ties with his own daughter over that.

You might think you are in love. Many people would argue that you are actually under control. Aside from yourself, is that really the future you want for your daughter?

Wordsmithery · Yesterday 00:46

It seems to me that the fundamental issue here is that you've subscribed to a religion you actually don't believe in. If your husband wasn't particularly devout then this might not be an issue but he is a practising Muslim who prays five times a day. The hijab is an issue now, and there will be other issues as your DC get older.
Are you prepared to pretend for the rest of your life, and how much can you compromise?

UtopiaPlanitia · Yesterday 00:47

It is perfectly possible to be Muslim and not wear hijab. UK organisations like Tell Mama are on record as agreeing with this:

'We are also mindful that some Muslim women in other countries in the world may feel political and social pressures to wear the Hijab, such as in Iran. However, Britain is not Iran and Muslim women in the U.K by enlarge have a choice as to whether they wear the Hijab or not. Which goes back to our central point, that what women choose to wear, or not, is their choice.'

Have you thought about contacting support groups like https://mwrc.org.uk/ or https://www.faithlesshijabi.org/ or https://ex-muslim.org.uk They may be able to offer advice and assistance.

I grew up in a very religious family and I know the pressure that is put on women and girls, by men and older women, to conform to their ideas of modesty, but it's perfectly possible to be a devout woman without having decisions about your personal relationship with God made for you by your husband and other people.

I wish you all the best 💐

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