My husband will leave me if I take off the hijab.

[Lotusflowerbombx]

I’ve been married and a revert/covert to Islam for 6 years now for, yes I did it for my husband but I was so blindly in love at the time theres not much I wouldn’t of done. 6 years on and 2 DC I’m questioning everything!! I always have tbh, I’ve spoke many times with my husband about the hijab and how I don’t want to wear it but he said he’ll leave me if I don’t. He’s very much practicing and prays 5x a day at the mosque and he believes I do too but half the time I’m not actually.. I do feel bad about it though that’s why I think do I believe in this religion? When I’m having a bad anxiety day I pray and it makes me feel better but soon as that days done I’m back to pretending :( I had a conversation with my husband the other day about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older what would he do and his answer was he would wash his hands of her and I just catch fathom how a parent could be so cold.. I hate wearing the hijab I don’t feel free and if my daughter was in my position I would say get rid but I’m just so scared I’ll regret it, is losing love worth it to show my hair? In all other areas he’s great, he’s the best dad and always helping with house work.. if I could dress how I want I would never think about leaving him :( anyone been in a similar situation? I struggle to find anything relatable online

I’m not religious. I do know it’s not that simple as leave.
the one thing that would make me go is my daughter though. Will yours be free to live her life as she wishes?
dress how she wishes
listen to the music she wishes
study what she wishes
marry who she wishes.

if the answer is no. You cannot be complicit in the control of your daughter like that.

Coercive control is illegal in the UK. He's breaking the law and needs relationship counselling.
Leave him.

Have not read all the posts but what about your children. A lot of Muslim men are not just letting you have the children presuming he has parental rights? Can you get a religious leader on your side to council your husband the error of his ways?

Marry him legally before doing anything else

This is absolutely terrible advice. @Lotusflowerbombx DO NOT marry this man.

Was your Nikkah done outside the uk in a country it was legally binding?

I think the issue is you’ve married a very very devout and strict Muslim, who will not wish to be seen to have married a wife who doesn’t obey him and practice in his beliefs, he would prefer to threaten and end it rather than face that shame in his eyes in his community , he will also fight you to take the children.

If the nikkah was done in the uk, or a country it was not legally binding as that means you’ve no protection and he knows this, as you’re not legally married just conhabiting in the eyes of the law, so you’re entitled to nothing.

i think you’ve got yourself in a very difficult situation if im honest. You’re likely cohabiting with this man, no financial protection, and had children with him, and he’s a very strict devout Muslim, with set beliefs.

however you can just walk, you’re not married, it’s the upside, and it’s unlikely he can care for the children in amongst 5 times a day at prayer, his commitment to his religion, potential work, you will get potentially get benefits, and you can take the kids with you,

there is no easy answer here op. You either continue to live like this, or make the break and focus on keeping your kids.

Do not do this, it will make your situation almost imposssible.

This decision is coming at you fast whichever way you look at it. Whether you take off the hijab and pretend to keep the faith, call his bluff and attempt to stay together, or wait for your daughter to be compelled to cover her hair. Both pretty stressful options OP. There’s something to be said for thinking strategically and getting married legally and then taking off the hijab but that’s a slow game and do you have the patience for this? Or break free now and live the life you want with your kids? I think you’re better off making your own decisions about rather than leaving your fate in the hands of a fickle man

I really think if you're going to leave you need to leave and disappear. I'm assuming he has relatives in other countries and could therefore take your children to protect from you poisoning them against your religion.

If he will leave you for not wearing it, when you didn't wear it when he met you, it's not about love. It's control.

@Lotusflowerbombx
I feel really strongly that wearing the Hijab is un Islamic. Wearing the hijab is a cultural thing. Albania is a Muslim country. Most women don’t wear the hijab. Mohammed was all about the emancipation of women at a time when a woman had no rights. He worked for a woman ( and then married her). He was all for women being treated with respect and not being forced into marriage. He made it clear that women could own property.
The Qur’an simply asks that both men and women dress modestly. No mention of veiling for women. I think Mohammed would be so shocked and angry at the treatment of women in Afghanistan.
To be a good Muslim does not require performative dressing. There is a lot of evidence that wearing a burka leads to vitamin D deficiency. Islam is all about the body as a temple. There is a lot of statistical evidence that Muslim women avoid cycling because of restrictive clothing. Islam is all about being caretakers ( Khalifahs) of the planet. This is quietly ignored by many Muslims.
it is such a shame that performative Islam is more important to many Muslims than observing Islamic Law. I don’t think many people understand how forward thinking Mohammed was with reference to the treatment of women.

'The anti-Islam crew' 🙄This man is coercively controlling the OP. 'Do this or I'll leave you' is coercion and abuse. The hijab is just the way, as a Muslim, that he's exercising coercive control over his wife. If he wasn't Muslim, he'd be doing it in another way. Stop minimising the OP's experiences by calling it 'a bit of a predicament'. And how on earth would her telling you 'what the situation was when you first met him and also, perhaps how you viewed life before you met him' help anything? It's about what she feels and needs now.

But does he love you? He’s all ready said he’ll “wash his hand of” your dd if she doesn’t do as told, hasn’t he @Lotusflowerbombx ?

I think you need to seek counselling. I am worried that your daughter has said she doesn’t want to wear it, and your hubby saying what he said if she doesn’t, means you need to think about how you can protect your daughters wishes.

I am also concerned that a lot of posters might not understand the religious significance of wearing a hijab (including me). My Muslim friend (who does not wear one) said under the Muslim religion deciding to wear one is a decision you make for life. However, obviously there will be muslim women who have decided to take theirs off - I think finding a group of support from these women who have been through this might help you.

Islam is medieval and primitive regarding women, and there's no place for it in our country in the 21st Century.

I can't stand any of the bonkers rulings of the big religions, so I admit I'm biased. But I could not love or live with a man who would "wash his hands" of his daughter for not wearing a scarf. That's not a loving man. He sounds controlling and a bit thick. I'd be off.

You say you don’t know how you will cope without him, but you aren’t happy with him are you? He is controlling and you can’t be yourself.

Take it off. Let him leave you.

How sad that in 2026 you still don't have the correct information regarding Islam. Please get of your sofa and turn the telly off. As muslims we refer to eachother as sister because its quite literally a sisterhood, we support each other, not manipulate, force or try to "sway" as i previously stated.

Apologies for my ignorance, but does he work? how can he pray 5 times a day at the mosque if he is working?

Don't wear the hijab when he isn't around, and pretend when he is? or is he on your back all the time?

I am not religious, fortunately I escaped and don't care if my parents care about their imaginary friend in the sky, and i am scathing about ALL religions who dare to tell people what to wear or eat and so on.

Obviously you are not religious, so why follow the dictats of it?

This ^

"DM me so I can quietly guilt you into remaining with your coercive male partner and suppressing your legitimate emotions even though you have explicitly stated you hate what he makes you do"
"I am your sister, support you and do not manipulate you"

Sorry but you need to choose one of both

Tell your husband how you feel

Bin him. Convert to Catholicism maybe and tell him your personal religion doesn’t require you to put things on your head. Save your children from what will be a bleak future.

Tell him you’ll leave his bullying ass if he ever tries to tell you or your children what to wear, if he’s so adamant it’s important to cover the head, he can cover his (unless he freely admits he subscribes to a misogynistic ideology.

Leave the tosser take your kids jack in the religion and encourage your kids to do the same!

Please say you aren’t financially dependent on this man.
Leave him. For your daughter’s sake if not your own.

I hope you’re going to support your sister here to take her kids and run away from this sexist prick, tell her to dump the religion she doesn’t believe in and how to protect her kinds from a bleak future with this controlling asshole

It’s disgusting isn’t it
I’m not defending him, or Islam, or the status of women in the religion

but he is devout, and rightly or wrongly that comes with rules

my Irish MIL is a very devout catholic, think it would be inciting language for me to say she is an extremist