My husband will leave me if I take off the hijab.

[Lotusflowerbombx]

I’ve been married and a revert/covert to Islam for 6 years now for, yes I did it for my husband but I was so blindly in love at the time theres not much I wouldn’t of done. 6 years on and 2 DC I’m questioning everything!! I always have tbh, I’ve spoke many times with my husband about the hijab and how I don’t want to wear it but he said he’ll leave me if I don’t. He’s very much practicing and prays 5x a day at the mosque and he believes I do too but half the time I’m not actually.. I do feel bad about it though that’s why I think do I believe in this religion? When I’m having a bad anxiety day I pray and it makes me feel better but soon as that days done I’m back to pretending :( I had a conversation with my husband the other day about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older what would he do and his answer was he would wash his hands of her and I just catch fathom how a parent could be so cold.. I hate wearing the hijab I don’t feel free and if my daughter was in my position I would say get rid but I’m just so scared I’ll regret it, is losing love worth it to show my hair? In all other areas he’s great, he’s the best dad and always helping with house work.. if I could dress how I want I would never think about leaving him :( anyone been in a similar situation? I struggle to find anything relatable online

@fouroclockrock You said in a previous thread:

Muslim females of a certain age ARE required to wear hijab. Those who dont will have their own reasons.

So you are running interference to keep OP in her relationship because you believe she and her daughter, should wear the hijab.

At least be honest about your intentions.

Also interesting is this one, where you seem to be disagreeing that hijab is 'not obligatory'

It’s been fascinating to read so many posts detailing that hijab/haircovering is not obligatory in Islam. Also interesting to read that it is purely fashion and/or cultural. Are any actual Muslims writing these facts? It’s just that, you might find that the majority of Muslims disagree with you all on these points (children not included of course but the posts are general and dont specify age groups).

Yet another post from you:

fouroclockrock ·
I’m still waiting to find out if any of the posters proclaiming that hijab is not compulsory in Islam are Muslim. Also very keen to find out why one poster declares it is simply being worn as fashion.

Why can't you be honest with what your agenda is?

Yet another post from you:

Muslim female ARE required to be in a state of hijab which includes covering their hair. This is the consensus of almost all mainstream Muslims. Muslims do not only take direction from the Quran. There is also hadith and fiqh of course. Other than a few ‘progressive’ ‘scholars’ you will not find any that say you don’t have to wear it. Its getting boring listening to people who aren’t Muslim or who are perhaps ex Muslim/from some minority sect trying to argue otherwise.

So we know now that your agenda is to keep OP and her daughter trapped with a man that forces hijab on them because you believe it is compulsory in Islam.

Fouroclockrock's posts are quite worrying.

You will never convince a mainstream Muslim that hijab is not obligatory. You may convince some non Muslims here that it is the case. You clearly have an agenda.

and more;

Muslims really do believe that hijab is compulsory. Muslims are aware that many muslims will not understand this or know why they wear it. Muslims know that some non Muslims will stereotype them. That’s ok. Non Muslims are free to THINK hijab is cultural. Think what you like. But accept that they have a belief even if you disagree with it.

In another post she accused non-hijab wearing Muslims of 'vanity'. So I hope the OP realises that this particular poster has an extreme view of womens rights in Islam and disregards their posts because they are not on her side.

This has always been my personal experience of Islam. Hijab, amongst other things, are always touted as "optional" but they most definitely are not optional. Women quickly realise this once they have children with these men. The children are used to keep the woman mentally and emotionally hostage.

Additionally, as I stated earlier, other women are used to pressurise women to conformity as we can see happening here.

I really hope, OP, that you take advantage of living in a free society and leave, for your sake and your daughters sake, and make sure that (when you are able) your ring the numbers provided for assistance.

You don't have to live this way. Abuse, coercion and threats aren't love. Thinking of you today x

Presumably Fouroclockrock thinks that if the OP's first post said something along the lines of 'My DH is a devout Catholic and is threatening to leave me and disown our DD if we don't do such and such', everyone here would be saying 'So what's the problem, his religious beliefs are sacrosanct, just do whatever he wants and stop moaning about it'. Because apparently the problem isn't posters pushing back against abusive men using whatever flavour of patriarchal religion to control women and girls, the problem is that we're 'the anti-Islam crew'. 🙄

Yep. In addition to that, we would be telling that woman that what the husband is stating is not part of the Catholic faith. @fouroclockrock has repeatedly stated that what OPs partner is doing is part of Islam. So, therefore, the two cannot be untied in this instance, contrary to what they are trying to pretend and make us believe is the case through gaslighting. I really hope OP can see through all of this and find her way.

Leave him before he leaves you. He’s not a nice man. He’s controlling. He doesn’t have any right to tell you or your daughter what to wear. The threats could worsen especially if he has family and friends who agree with him. You are naive if you think he won’t take the children. He might do and you’ll struggle to get them back as men have more rights in parts of Asia. Hide the passports.

Lots of Muslim women never wear hijabs!

Yes the pressure is concerning on here too, I hope the op can get out of being compelled.

All of this is about a man issuing threats and telling a woman what to do. That's wrong no matter who is doing it. Using religion to control others is also what people do. And that's wrong too.

Ever heard of real life? You have no knowledge of any foreign jurisdiction the husband may have a connection with so please stop with the hysteria and scaremongering. It assists no one.

You've been warned, take heed.

These posts are very much the reason why everyone needs to keep calling out this abusive man. If he is saying that in order to be Muslim a woman needs to submit to misogyny them we need some serious discussions around whether we need legislation to disrupt that in the UK. No woman should be forced to wear clothes by her husband. If a religion is subjugating women (whatever that religion is) we need legislative intervention to stop that. Why don’t men need to cover their heads?

I feel for the OP and I imagine she is doing some deep thinking.
I hope she finds the strength to be true to herself and what she believes.
And I hope she knows , deep down, that anyone who could disown their own child over something like this, is not a loving parent but a controlling one .

I would love to know what was wrong with my last post to get it deleted. Anyway the op hasnt returned so I bow out.

And this is exactly the type of conversation the government are trying to shut down and maybe criminalise with their definition of Islamophobia.

Part of the definition adopted by the Labour Party is ‘targets expressions of Muslimness or perceived Muslimness’.

As PPs who say they are Muslim are arguing that forcing women to wear the hijab is very much part of being a Muslim, the government are clearly attempting to stop us from even discussing this type of abuse of women if the perpetrator is Muslim or perceived to be Muslim.

What other ‘expressions of Muslimness’ will we be banned from discussing?

labour.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Islamophobia-Complaints-Handbook.pdf

It was because you swore at another poster (using a two-word expression that ends with 'off'), as of course you know perfectly well.

“some made up stories designed by a caravan trader to facilitate profitable access to the Mediterranean some 1500 years ago“

And giving rise to one of the oldest religions and greatest civilisations, including innovations in astrology, maths, science, agriculture, and architecture, without which we would not be who we are.

We too used to say women must cover their heads outside home. We only recently stopped putting women who were pregnant outside marriage into asylums ( and it wasn’t just religious fanatics sending them there).

As OP seems genuinely to like this man, I would go with OP trying to get him to be a more modern sort of U.K. Muslim before throwing him out.

I dont think this description was meant as "compared with...'. So dont panic that pp is being anti Islam.

As OP seems genuinely to like this man, I would go with OP trying to get him to be a more modern sort of U.K. Muslim before throwing him out.

Would you give this advice to an OP with an abusive partner of any other religion? He has already signalled his intention to coerce his daughter into adhering to his prescribed dress code or she will be disowned. Given that the concept of so called ‘honour killing’ exists in parts of the Muslim community, especially those with more extreme views like this, what do you think OPs chances are of safely changing his mind so fundamentally?

A “good dad” even though he says he would disown his daughter for not wearing a hijab? What a low bar. He’s not a good dad.

There are a lot of partners, spouses friends and parents telling the other person what they can or cannot wear, places they are forbidden to go to, who they can/cannot meet, what they can purchase, how they have to behave, what they are/are not to eat, where and how to live.

None of this is to do with any religion. It is the controlling nature of that person. If you are in this type of situation and you don't like it you try and leave, but it is not always possible.

I think there is probably a space between what he is doing and being an honour killer.

There are U.K. Muslims who are not extreme, so maybe he could see how they fulfill their sense of religion without being so fixed on such an arbitrary aspect as a hijab. But only the OP would know if there is any chance, or if he is too entrenched and unwilling to think for himself.

I feel like there are some times when we should be more ‘anti (parts of) Islam’ though.

We already have some ‘anti Islam’ (and other religions) laws - preventing forced/child marriage, polygamy, FGM (not exclusively Islamic but widely practised in many majority Islamic countries), etc.

We also have some laws that should prevent Islamic (and Jewish) practices of animal cruelty but don’t. I can’t understand why animal cruelty is acceptable if done on religious grounds? Why do we have animal cruelty laws only to ignore them for religious reasons?

It may be that our laws don’t go far enough. We have already seen a little girl be killed by her parents with her hijab being used to cover up her abuse so nobody questioned it. Why are we still allowing hijabs to be worn in schools?

We have a law for Sikhs that allows the enormous privilege of those men to carry large bladed knives. Yet now a young man is dead because of that. As a society I don’t think we should accept that.

We are a democratic, high trust society with laws to protect us and the vulnerable. We must ensure those laws are not undermined by people yelling racist at us for questioning and objecting to the illogical religious exemptions, especially as we gain more lawmakers who would wish to do so.

I didn’t suggest he was,

He has however threatened to leave OP and disown his daughter if they don’t submit to his instructions to do this.

Would you seriously suggest that a woman in a relationship with any other man exhibiting coercive and controlling behaviour try and talk him round?

True. How many of them are advised to consider how they can submit to their partners demands though, because it’s their religion?