The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thanks for new thread. I’ve been ghosted after second date. I did sleep with him. Big mistake I’d finished night shift and had hardly anything to eat. Lots of texts until Friday. Arranged provisional date. He text saying can’t wait to see me. Then nothing since Friday. I’ve not text him, it was left for him to confirm.
also I had a look on line and all of the men I’d matched with dated are still on. What are they looking for why wasn’t I enough?

What a dickhead he was - you know now you’re best without - though it does hurt I know - but it is all on him, not you - don’t forget that.

Whatever protections you set up for this some still get through. I don’t have a set timeline for myself now - latest was nearly date 1 only delayed as he had to go home lol - that’s still all good to date - but others I waited a bit and they still take that prize?! (Not lol) and run - you can’t necessarily know if they’re childish dickheads early on.

The rest that are still on - I’ve been on/off these sites for nearly 20 bloody years - odd forays not continuous - but I definitely see the same folk as from years back. It’s like their hobby - for just chatting, for ego boosts - who knows - but they’re not worth wondering about.

I’m sorry it seems sh”t today, be kind to yourself - when you’re ready you’ll know and you can try again - this thread is really helpful too and I reckon more will be along with added advice or support.

@bellalou1234 it's not you lovey. They're still there because they don't want to come off (meaning meet someone to date)

@ForRedShark I stopped replying to you because it was all a bit circular but you've had some great advice about your profile and I'm glad about the therapy x

@MsJinks it's probably an age/health thing. Mr X resolved it with circumcision
, the right ED meds and time. Not perfectly but mostly.

I'm having a meltdown this morning which you moderate texters will not get I'm sure.

I've convinced myself he has lost interest as his last text was 7:30 last night and last reaction 8 pm.

I am a bit underslept and overheated and also his messages are way shorter.

Aaarrgghhh. We have a date tonight.

i don’t get the whole sleeping together thing. Really frustrates me that if you just want to sleep with someone it can have the opposite result.
Have had enough inf. from Mr Holiday Homes to do some due diligence. He’s taken 5 years off his actual age which I find frustrating.

Don’t panic. Mr Situationship used to get very quiet before we were due to meet up. Think he had the attitude ’Well I’m seeing her tomorrow’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

@NosdacariadThats no time at all. Given you have plans to meet, that seems to indicate he’s still interested.

I am so sorry this happened - but please DON'T blame yourself for having sex with him. You wanted to, he wanted to, why on earth shouldn't you?

If he is the kind of bloke who shaga and runs, then he would have done so after datevthree, date five, whenever you finally went for it..... And you would only have wasted more time, probably got to like him even more.....

And if he IS one of these weird misogynists who "respects women who wait" - then that's an insane double standard and who wants to end up with a guy like that?

As for the other guys still being around on the apps - they are probably just fuckboys who make a career of it. It's in no way a comment on you or your worth - sadly the apps are just crawling with these types....

Keep your head high, lovely, and remember your worth! You sounds like a lovely, sensitive, intelligent woman - and there will be someone out there who absolutely sees the value in that! It just takes time and we all have to kiss a few frogs first, sadly.....

I stress about stuff like this too, but the weather is making everyone behave a little differently - perhaps he had a headache? Or went to bed early? See how it goes today. He has seemed very keen so far - seems unlikely that would change our of nowhere. Everything crossed for you. X

VERY annoying x

Thanks @duckingclueless @BoxOfCats @Ilovelurchers I suspect it's a "me" problem.

He was talking about me meeting his family...

Help hive mind...

Mr Mullet had slowed but not disappeared. We had a small chat yesterday where I suggested meeting on Wednesday. He's replied to every other message but not th one about meeting. Ignoring or unseen? Do I send another?

I'm sure it's 'nothing' but not nice for you to be worrying. What time are you meeting later?

Sorry, I lost half of my post. I have been reading along for a while on the old thread & wanted to reach out to Nosdacariad (I hope it's ok to jump in!)

You are enough, try not to get down about it although I know that's easier said than done!

Ghosting after sleeping with someone is horrible. He's shown himself up as an unpleasant man with no respect and no consideration for your feelings. You deserve so much better. I know it feels awful but in the long term it's good this happened so early on rather than later down the line when you're more invested.

OLD can be a nightmare for your self esteem. For every 10 men you match with 4 are probably there for an ego boost/pen pal, 3 are just looking to sleep with as many women as possible, 1 is probably married. Don't take it to heart that they're still loitering around on the apps, it's just the way of OLD.

Try and reframe your thinking. When things don't work out at the early stages it's not because you weren't enough, it's just that the two of you weren't compatible. It's nobody's fault and it's not a failing (unless they're unpleasant, dishonest or ghost after meeting in which case it's very much a failing on their part).

@Nosdacariad it's so stressful in the early stages of dating, I feel you! It's when you're starting to get the feelings but you're not confident/secure enough in the relationship yet because it's so early. It's a bloody nightmare!

I'm sure planes will be back at some point today, he's seemed very keen so far.

Hmmm. I'd say he's more likely to be ignoring/stalling. My guess would be he's keeping you on the back burner but doesn't want to commit to a date yet. It would be a bit of a coincidence that he managed to read/respond to every other message and just happened to miss that one.

I am a bit of a cynical cow though so maybe someone else will pop up and tell you to give him the benefit of the doubt!

@Nosdacariad try not to worry, he sounds keen. Are you happy with the pace it’s going? Do you want to meet his family?

I had similar with Mr Radiators. Great comms up to and including our first date, then said he was happy to meet again but wouldn't actually commit to any dates.

Turned out he had a kink he was looking for someone to cater for (submissive). Reading between the lines, he felt pretending to be normal/respectful/interested in me for one date was enough, and after that he was only really willing to spend the time seeing me again if it was to cater for his kink.....

I am not suggesting this would be true in all cases - it's no doubt a worst case scenario - but are there any hints that mullet would like it to become more sexual now, and is holding out for you to suggest a sleep-over, for example?

If you really like him, I wouldn't completely give up on him at this point, but proceed with caution. If he is already making you fret and question things, it's not the best sign.

You are the prize, and you deserve an iron who treats you as such!

So I've been attempting 'OLD for the past year or so but my heart isn't in it. I have listened to so many friends having a tough time & I think the instant a man shows me a red flag during the chatting I just end it. Some have said that I'm too hasty & maybe I am but I'm alright being this way for now, iykwim!

I'd like to meet somebody but I'm just not prioritising it.

So I will follow along on here for a while if that's alright!

Sorry for just jumping into your thread.

No. No reply IS a reply.

Let him come back and if it were me, I would not let him last-minute it x

It's 3 and he has since messaged.

It's probably me 🙃

Absolutely 😘

Loving this post so hard, you nailed how it sits with me. You're right, he has been back.Thank you xxx

It's going quite fast, it has been me putting the brakes on really.

He said he wanted to take it slow but hasn't.

I think I feel a bit exposed because of the sex issue.

I think your approach is exactly right.

Why waste time on someone you're incompatible with?