The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@CleanShirt I think Mr Sourdough behaved similarly and 🐤 ignored the hive mind with great success.

@PinkNeonSign great to see you BTW, how are things?

This sounds like a really healthy attitude to me!

I am trying to be more like this - I ended the chat with and blocked 3 guys this morning, all of whom I couldn't realistically see myself with, even though there were some positives about all of them. Why waste the time if you already know in your blood and in your bones that it isn't going to work for you?

A lot of people to settle - but these days I'd rather be single than with someone who isn't really right for me. Perhaps you are the same. And I think that's a strong position to be in.....

Thank you for the support, you are very kind on here!

I feel like people think that I'm not taking it seriously because I won't give anybody a chance, but I'm not cruel, don't ghost or anything like that, I'll just end the chat.

Nosdacariad I'm glad that you heard from him.

I wouldn’t be putting up with a man lying about his age and would be throwing this one back. What’s your thoughts on it? You must be feeling quite deflated, especially if you quite like him?

I agree re lying about their age. I've encountered this a lot & think I'd only let it go if they told me in the very first message & had a good reason. I don't know what would be a good reason, maybe 'I made my account 10 minutes ago & didn't even realise that I hit the 3 key instead of the 4'. Or something!

Sorry am quiet guys away on hols in Cornwall its beautiful xx

@duckingclueless do you mean he has lied about his age?

I’m not going to jump to conclusions. A friend said her year of birth was wrong on the same page. There are quite a few profiles where people say their age is wrong but bumble won’t allow correction? 🤷🏻‍♀️I haven’t worked out how to ask though. Without revealing my stalker ish nature.

Internet research shows a different year of birth than his bumble age.

To be fair, my ex had his age set as four years older when we met - and apparently it was something like this - that he had set it and couldn't change it (I forget the details - I just remember I used to tease him as being the only person in the history of Tinder who lied and said they were older than they were!)

I guess partly it depends - is he still within your window of realistic interest, even at this new older age?

Nothing wrong with his actual age. Only 4 years older than me. I have said in conversations how important honesty is to me. He agreed. He comes across in a very honest manner.

@CleanShirt I’ve experienced that before and t turned out he was lining up dates with multiple women. So I was basically on reserve to slot around other dates.

Hi everyone, Im going to download all the apps again tomorrow and let you know how I get on?

Has anybody had any luck in meeting anyone offline this weekend, ie away from apps? Its been so hot and the coast here has been SO busy with people out this weekend, it made me think surely it is possible to meet a woman this way instead?

But I wouldnt know what to say. There has been a lot of nice women out and about here recently.

Hi everyone! I've been lurking for a couple of threads, taking in everyone's dating experiences and advice...

I came out of a 20 year relationship 3 years ago, hadn't been looking for anyone else until someone I've known for years asked me out. We were seeing each other for 3 months but it came to an end around 5 weeks ago as he wanted to go back to being friends which I was pretty gutted about tbh.

Been too scared to go on the apps but took the plunge yesterday & have matched with Mr Teacher & Mr SUP... good chat so far.. 😬🤞🏻

Are all the OLD men quiet tonight because it’s sunny and bank holiday. My normal evening chat with Mr HH isn’t happening. :(

Do you feel genuinely ready to go back on the apps? It's really important that you're in the right headspace - OLD is brutal at the best of times and if you're feeling uncertain or suffering with low self esteem it's really easy to get into a negative spiral.

Obviously if you're committed to it then I'm sure a lot of us here would be happy to hear updates and give advice. So many profiles/conversations are shockingly bad and there are often some easy fixes. Try to be positive and not take any rejection/knockbacks to heart.

As long as you’re happy with the pace, it doesn’t sound like he’s leaving you in any doubt where you stand which is nice.

Things are good here thanks @Nosdacariad I’ve been seeing Scenester for nearly four months, he’s calm and nothing like any of my previous partners which is a good thing. I worry that logistics can be difficult but we’ve discussed it and all seems to be well. I’ve also managed to sever ties with Mr Elusive which is the right thing and would have been regardless of my relationship status 😀

@Kaltenzahn thank you, and from qhat you say, I may not go back on the apps just yet, as it could be quite brutal.

They are still dating because they struggle with relationships. Many people are single for years and have deep subconscious discomfort around getting seriously involved. I would count myself as one of them.

It’s nothing to do with you.

Inevitably you will meet more of that type on OLD. My theory is that men who are trying to date for all the wrong reasons are over represented on OLD. They think dating is the answer and it really isn’t in most cases. Such as feeling low, wanting attention, feeling stressed or recovering from divorce last Friday.

Many people think/say they want to be in a relationship but majorly self sabotage because deep down it’s other needs that are unmet

Not this weekend but generally yes, I meet men IRL only.

The cleverest/ best/ most comfortable approaches have been talking to me for a fake reason. Such as asking me to take their picture, asking for directions, asking my opinion about a selection of foods, checking where a train stops, that kind of thing. It gives the woman the chance to develop the conversation or walk away gracefully, without immediately having the pressure of ‘you look nice, do you want to go out, decide now!’

Last year a guy approached me in a way that almost couldn’t go wrong, and got a date.

Either out with mates, family or on another date if quiet?!

Thats where my cynicism goes anyway! If youd usually be chatting hes obvs busy....has he not told you about his plans for the BH?

Great job on both counts 👏👏👏

Is now a good time to mention 🛩✈️ got made redundant(new) and rents a room?

And ask the question how long before they meet your kids?

The mumsnet take in general seems to be only after ten years or they've got developed vetting, whichever is later 😁

BTW I am very alert to the potential for being taken advantage of, happened with Mr X, won't happen again.

Bit late to all these - and I’m glad it’s resolved - I had no doubt it would be but totally understand your doubt! I can be exactly the same - I’m not even anxious about stuff ever generally but the date texts send me over a cliff. I’ve worked on not sending my signature passive aggressive texts lol and feel better for that rather than cringing into next year for ages!

I’m also learning to sit with it as in person it’s absolutely amazing - and starting to understand his text style better - also tbh I don’t want lots of texts - either a plan one then leave it - or occasionally those (dire to my kids) social policy longer ones! It’s sometimes the - yeah we will sort sumat - sends me straight to ‘when Mate, year 3000?’ Or a basic ‘come along if you want’ - yeah but do you really want ha!

So it’s not always clear to me on text he’s keen and I called it out mildly twice early doors and that made him jump and respond but as it’s not his natural style I don’t want to push for it - he tries too tbf to add in ‘looking forward to’ lol -

I’ve been here previously and the guys weren’t that interested sometimes so it’s a learned response maybe - but this time I’m accepting he is - or trying to, just text agony can be so real!

It will get better though and it still sounds good - enjoy. Oh and updates lol!

Thank you everyone who commented on my earlier post. Very wise words which I’ll use to boost my self esteem. So I’m meeting someone for a coffee later. He seems nice just returned from working away. No sleezy messages and seems good at texting/replying

Thanks @MsJinks and good news @bellalou1234 💜