The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

It's personal preference, but I think I would be OK with a half way meet, given the distance. As long as the location he proposes is somewhere you are happy to go.

I have actually offered to travel to Mr Beach's area for our first date, because he lives somewhere I really like!

I think half way is fine for a first meet. I’ve done similar previously when there’s been a bit of distance involved.

Morning. I'm chatting to Mr Bank, he lives away but I visit there for work a lot.

I've FB stalked him and seems he separated last year. I'm trying to ascertain the living arrangements but don't want to be too nosey

Half way is fine 🙂

It really was so lovely. He’s since messaged this afternoon saying that he wants to take me out for dinner at a wine bar soon.

Meanwhile, I matched on Hinge this evening with a guy who asked after a few messages if I was open to short term casual 🙄

This sounds like a good idea, but how do you find their surname - do you ask?

Obviously a related issue, a little while ago when I told my ex I was on-line dating again (long story) he became weirdly protective and started trying to insist that I should get the guys to send me a picture of their driving license before I agree to meet them, so I can share it with a trusted friend in case they decide to murder me..... He reckoned that no decent man will object to doing this.....

Does anyone do this, or anything like it? Usually when I go on a first date I have no idea what the guy's surname is. Which I suppose does sound a bit unsafe when I wrote it down.....

Ooh, lovely (the dinner). Has he suggested a date for it?

Do you know if he is seeing others? Because if he isn't, what you have together sounds suspiciously like a relationship, even if he refuses to define it as such for his own reasons!

Surname came up on WA. Found on FB says separated. Asked him out right says she is moving out. Checked her FB says separated too.

I always ask for a surname. Normally LI stalk too.

At what point do you ask - once a date has been agreed? And how do you phrase it?

Sorry for all the questions. I would very much like to ask Mr Beach, my date this Tuesday, for this info, but just wondering how to do about it. We haven't moved to WhatsApp so can't get it from there.

I would just ask and say you like to verify who you are meeting. A decent guy would understand.

Once date arranged. Say can I just check your surname, can't be too careful nowadays

Hi everyone, thank you @MsJinks and others for your kind words on Thread 57. The good news is that I have booked my first session with a counsellor in 2 weeks time, so hopefully its a start to getting to the root of my dating issues.

@Polly1979 sorry to hear he followed you to the bar, that is odd behaviour.

I went through my profile and photos last night, i wish i knew why nobody ever swipes right on me -(. Im sorry for the despondency, it just gets me down. Its lovely and warm in the NE today, and a lunch or dinner date would have been fab.

I mean if they plan to murder you I think they’ll still go ahead with the plan, with or without a DL. If so and you didn’t get the right name then police can check dating site records and lots of other stuff - so I wouldn’t worry too much re catching the murderer.

Guess I just do obvious stuff - tell someone I’m on said date, meet in a busy place - I am a bit casual re personal safety though.

We are both seeing others, and I’ve been in a long distance situationship for 8 months with someone else 😂

I don’t know for sure, but I get the vibe I’m the only person he’s seeing on a consistent basis. He has been asking to see me a bit more frequently lately, although I’m trying not to read too much into this and also to remember that if he wanted to be in a relationship then he’d be making that clear.

No date set for dinner yet. I’ve noticed he usually finishes our dates by suggesting an activity for our next meet, then messaging a few days prior to pin down a day and time. We both have busy schedules so it works.

Interesting weekend here… I’m at an event that attracts 100s of exactly the kind of guy I’d like, of all the ages although trending older. Creative, educated, worldly, leftie.

Eyes locked with this goooorgeous appropriately aged guy. Great fashion, grooming, and going to the same niche event I was going to. He was with an older man I assumed was his dad. Kept seeing each other through the day and he’d smile and make it known he’s noticed me, but it was very crowded. I went ‘ok if I see him one more time I’ll say hi if he won’t’. So I see him… it’s quiet and private, perfect chance to strike up a conversation… Except… He walks towards me with a pushchair and a 7-year-old 🙈 I just had to laugh 🤣

Did an experiment and created a bumble profile to see if any interesting guys from here would be on the app. Guess what? Nobody! Literally nobody! Within 10-mile radius there were 20 guys on the app.

I did think the kind of guy I’d like to date wouldn’t be meetable through the apps, but I didn’t think zero people would be on there.

This has really driven home the point that I need to find love IRL.

Comms from Mr Mullet have slowed down massively so trying to distance myself and match his energy... Shame how they go from 100-0 like that. Actually had a good feeling about that one.

@ElleintheWoods that is a shame, would you definitely have swiped right on him, if you saw him on a dating app?

That's so frustrating. Could it be because he knows you are going to be away for a while, so it will be a while till you can meet? Looking for the most favourable explanation.......

Is anybody else finding they are getting a lot more messages/matches on the apps since the weather got nice?

I am actively talking to 8 currently (just counted) , which is absolutely unheard of for me! A few are clearly not going to go anywhere - but a number have potential......

I bit the bullet and suggest a second date... Left on read...🥲

Oh, I fucking hate that.

At least you tried, and now you know. You might have wasted endless time thinking about him......

Have any of you become purely platonic friends with someone you met on an app?

Some of you might remember me mentioning Mr NHS on the last thread. I had a date with him that went really well, but he is only looking for non-exclusive/ENM, which on consideration is not for me. (I do genuinely believe he is open with everyone about this by the way - I know it is often a cover story to allow them to shag around while married, but I'm pretty confident he just openly dates a few different women, who also all see other people).

Anyway, he has suggested going out tomorrow purely as friends - we do get on well and have loads in common, and he loves locally, so the idea of having him as a friend does appeal.

The only thing I am wondering about is, if I DO start dating someone properly, how are they going to feel about that? Not sure how I would feel if I was dating someone who revealed a newish female friend they had met on the apps.....

Does that make sense? Any thoughts? X

Sorry, he lives locally. Though "loves locally" is also pretty apt for this guy!

@CleanShirt at least you asked him, brave of you to ask.