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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm the OW. He ended it.

372 replies

NeverEverLand37 · 20/05/2026 12:29

I know I'm going to be torn apart but I need some support.

I left an abusive relationship.

Then I got involved with a married man. I knew it was wrong but I loved him. It went on for a year. He has now ended it.

I feel broken. Does anyone have any advice on how I can move forward?

OP posts:
Larrythecatforpm · 20/05/2026 12:30

Firstly don’t get with a married man again, he didn’t love you he just wanted the sex. Get your self esteem up and stop ruining peoples marriages, you reap what you sow.

W0tnow · 20/05/2026 12:31

Do you work? Have hobbies?

Most importantly, have you blocked him completely?

drunkelephant83 · 20/05/2026 12:34

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

MrSchubertWhiskers · 20/05/2026 12:34

You move forward in the same way you do after any painful breakup: let yourself grieve, give it time and set about making new memories.

Therapy might also be useful for you in these circumstances.

Meadowfinch · 20/05/2026 12:34

Oh well. Who wants an unfaithful man anyway? Sounds like you've dodged a bullet. Have a few weeks off and then go and find someone decent instead, Good luck.

moderate · 20/05/2026 12:46

NeverEverLand37 · 20/05/2026 12:29

I know I'm going to be torn apart but I need some support.

I left an abusive relationship.

Then I got involved with a married man. I knew it was wrong but I loved him. It went on for a year. He has now ended it.

I feel broken. Does anyone have any advice on how I can move forward?

You knew it was wrong. So now, take heart that it is over. Your life can now be free of both the abuse and the rebound.

Middlechild3 · 20/05/2026 13:01

NeverEverLand37 · 20/05/2026 12:29

I know I'm going to be torn apart but I need some support.

I left an abusive relationship.

Then I got involved with a married man. I knew it was wrong but I loved him. It went on for a year. He has now ended it.

I feel broken. Does anyone have any advice on how I can move forward?

Cease all contact with him forever, no just being friends nonsense. Take time to sleep, exercise and be nuturing to yourself. Look at this as a mistake and move on. x

Tablesandchairs23 · 20/05/2026 13:07

Block him sever all contact. Work on your self esteem. Take up some hobbles.

CitizenZ · 20/05/2026 13:07

I think I will save my sympathy for the poor wife that you were hoping he would leave for you. Happy to have someone else's life torn apart as long as you get what you want.

BlueShoeGlue · 20/05/2026 13:09

I think therapy would be useful.
I think you went for a married man because you don’t believe you deserve anything better than to be treated badly by men after your past experiences. I’m obviously not an expert, but I think there is a pattern that needs exploring.

Mumlaplomb · 20/05/2026 13:10

You were vulnerable OP after leaving an abusive relationship. Maybe have some therapy and work on your self esteem. Then you will be ready to meet a nice single man x

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2026 13:10

Work on your self esteem. No, you didn’t love him, the absolutely only thing you in love about him is that he’s a liar and a cheat. When you think you love someone when you don’t, you need to work on yourself. Why did you think you were in love when he was just using you for sex?

Foodgloriousfoodie · 20/05/2026 13:11

BlueShoeGlue · 20/05/2026 13:09

I think therapy would be useful.
I think you went for a married man because you don’t believe you deserve anything better than to be treated badly by men after your past experiences. I’m obviously not an expert, but I think there is a pattern that needs exploring.

Maybe a married man felt safer - he’s not truly available

SleepingStandingUp · 20/05/2026 13:11

you didn't love him at the start tho, so you need to be honest with your self about why. were you looking for something safe from commitment? were you needing to jump into the first "safe" arms? etc

same for all heart break. block, focus on yourself, focus on friends, don't go back.

yellowduckieswalking · 20/05/2026 13:13

As PP have said, work on yourself now. You have to forget him

OrlandointheWilderness · 20/05/2026 13:22

My advice would be don’t shag married men. This wasn’t a one off stupid mistake, this was a year. A whole year, making that choice so many times over.
I think you need to avoid relationships- take this back down to basics. WHY did you make that choice so many times? You need to figure this out.

Fadingall · 20/05/2026 13:22

An affair is a pseudo-relationship, not a real relationship.

Its a head fuck.

You probably weren't his first affair, you certainly won't be his last.

Work on yourself. If you want a relationship again, find a real one with a single man.

Random321 · 20/05/2026 13:24

Freedom programme and counselling.

You need to learn to love yourself enough to stop entertaining shitty men.

oldFoolMe · 20/05/2026 13:24

Larrythecatforpm · 20/05/2026 12:30

Firstly don’t get with a married man again, he didn’t love you he just wanted the sex. Get your self esteem up and stop ruining peoples marriages, you reap what you sow.

Edited

He ruined his own marriage no fault of the OP. He could have said No! Work on yourself OP you deserve more then this ♥️

scoopsahoooy · 20/05/2026 13:28

Do the Freedom Programme. Get some counselling if you can afford it for your self esteem. Develop interests/hobbies/ways of spending your time that feel good instead of reaching for validation from other people's husbands. Keep busy. You'll get over it. (That sounds snippy, but it's not meant to - you will. But to stop yourself doing stupid shit again, you need to work on yourself so you're not trying to fill an emotional void with bad behaviour)

Fleurdalys · 20/05/2026 13:29

Never mind

Viviennemary · 20/05/2026 13:29

Just keep telling yourself it was good while it lasted but there was little chance of it becoming permanent. Dont spend the next few years dwelling on what might have been. Because it didn't happen. Your life must now take a new course.

IfyouStealMySunshine · 20/05/2026 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EmailsaysOOO · 20/05/2026 13:33

Pick yourself up. Worse things than this can happen. Get yourself a good guy who is free and wants you and where there's no infidelity on anyone's side. You can get through this. It's going to be fine.

OchreRaven · 20/05/2026 13:49

You need to recognise if he would cheat with you, he would cheat on you. He is not a safe space. It’s easy to pretend to be the white night saving the damsel in distress when his wife was supporting him at home. No doubt looking after his children and taking on the majority of the mental load so he had space to pour his energy into you. But he is not a catch. He’s a man who recognised the vulnerability in you that he could exploit to make himself feel good — getting to play the saviour and having illicit sex. The reality is he is the villain in his own story. He knows deep down that his life with his family is real and you were a fantasy to ease his own insecurities and that’s why he has ended it.

Block him and begin to heal before you start any new relationships.