Partner is so judgemental about my alcohol.

[KhakiOrca]

Hi everyone

I've been with DP for 6 months. I came out of a long term relationship with an alcoholic ex.

So , the issue is around alcohol. He doesn't drink at all. Whereas I have had alcohol with food all my life. I have done a wine course with my job and I can pair wine with food and have been to caves in France with wine and cheese etc.

I find wine and food pairings amazing.

But he keeps calling me a lush, he says things in front on my siblings and children (which they have picked up on)

I went through a stage of hiding alcohol from him, but to me this is destructive as I feel like im being secretive. I then realised this was actually making me drink more !
So now I dont hide anything, but because of that, hes now calling me retarded, alcoholic, lush, etc.

I just want to live my life as I have always done, and at the age of 55 I know my limits. My daughter and sisters have picked up on his comments to.

I also notice that if I have any amount of alcohol at all he won't give me affection which I really need.

Im so confused 😕

1. Your partner is horrible to you, and he's freeloading off you. Break up with him and kick him out before he gets too established and you get too used to him putting you down.
2. You are drinking a lot more than is healthy. I understand that you love wine, but you should be able to have several alcohol-free days a week, and if you can't do that, you have a drink problem.

Far too little to go on to jump to that conclusion.

I would expect he will get rid of you eventually now he has the alcohol ick, you’re not compatible so I would look to end it amicably. Being the sober one isn’t fun when the other person enjoys their booze relationship on the regular.

I would consider drastically reducing your intake, ‘pairing with food’ doesn’t eliminate how utterly catastrophic alcohol can be, for women especially. Red wine teeth and that whiff of wine breath isn’t a good look.

Alcohol is a poison and the amount you have on a regular basis is alcoholic territory - even if technically you are never actually drunk. The older you get the worse it is for you. But that's your choice, not his.

To me it's apparent you are not compatible. He's concerned but also rude and you don't feel you should moderate your intake. If he's off to America soon, does that mean the relationship will be finishing?

I would leave him.

In your shoes I would also step back and look at my relationship with alcohol however.

Three glasses every day is a lot. How big are the glasses?

Being in a relationship with an alcoholic and then with someone who had a close relative who was an alcoholic would make me want to question my own patterns and consumption of alcohol quite closely.
Juat because I could hold it together while drinking doesn’t mean it’s a healthy dynamic.

So now I dont hide anything, but because of that, hes now calling me retarded, alcoholic, lush, etc.

Out of those three things, it's strange how many people seem to think 'lush' is the worst.

If this thread is real OP, I don't see what you're 'so confused' about.

He's an abusive twat and you need to ditch him.

Just break up then. You drink an unhealthy amount and he hates it. You shouldn’t be together. He likely finds you deeply unattractive when you have even a glass which is why he backs away (holding a boundary isn’t withholding affection it’s simply not doing what you want).

You know yourself and seem to have a group of people around you who know you. He is not making you happy after 6months and he is not worth your time.

Ask him to leave your house in 48 hours or less as you’re not into him…it’s so early days that no more reasons are needed. Follow thorough and get your family to help effect that if needed.

If he has some problem with your habits well you (and many women our age) have a problem with his behaviour of sneaking into another persons home - ick ick!

To be fair of most are honest with themselves there's lots of people on here who consume more alcohol than what is "recommended". I don't drink daily but I'll have a couple of rum and cokes at home some weekends and I can imagine I consume a fair few more than the recommended daily amount of units. Don't allow this guy to dictate to you, he's already got his feet under your table moving in this early into your relationship. Hopefully he'll move out sooner rather than later

I thought ‘lush’ was a compliment, like on Gavin and Stacey!

3 glasses of wine with every meal is alcoholic, having said that you're an adult so you're free to do what you want to do.

And that includes not accepting him calling you names like that so be an adult and end the relationship. It's literally a 6 month old relationship and you're acting like you've been with him for years and years.

Leave him OP. He is already controlling and its only early days.

3 glasses of wine A DAY?

You need to leave him no matter what; the way he is handling this and the language he uses is disgusting. He is handling this all wrong and doesn’t sound nice. He is also a brand new boyfriend, not a partner. Just leave him.

But if you’re drinking 3 glasses of wine with dinner every day, and also go out for pub lunches then you do have an alcohol problem and you need to see someone to get help with cutting down and then stopping altogether.

It's also misogynistic slang for a woman who drinks too much.

From a health perspective that's quite a bit over the recommended units of alcohol over a week, and having alcohol every single day is also not recommended - irrelevant that you're not aggressive or drunk.
However, presuming you have full mental capacity, as an adult you have autonomy to make decisions for yourself, even "bad" decisions!
That said, he has no right to be calling you any sort of names, but especially something as awful as "retarded". Bin him - he is not a good man.

He has called you nasty slurs, uses silent treatment and withholds affection to control you, all while living in your house without contributing.

Get him out, he has shown you who he really is and it is NOT someone you want to be in a relationship with.

It is also a compliment. He may be saying it as a double entendre.
Beautiful, attractive and also a drunk.

No, it’s unisex. It’s not at all gendered.

This is simple. Tell him if he makes one more comment about your alcohol consumption he moves out that day.

On fact i’d try to get him out either way because he sounds like he’s stealthily moving in.

He sounds vile

I had a drink problem and stopped drinking 5 years ago. My husband still drinks and I’m ok with it. He’d tell me quite rightly to fuck off if I acted like your partner! What a fucking twat. get rid

He insults you in your own home and in front of your loved ones. I have TT friends and relatives, but they don't behave like that. Time to bin him. He sounds like a cocklodger anyway.

This is a separate issue to your alcohol consumption. I have the feeling that if you didn't drink, he'd be on his high horse about something else.

I’ll join you!!!

ps. Just about the comments on you, and educate guess that most people can be judged for their habits, but someone you’ve just met and I mean 6 months over your 55 year life span doesn’t get to treat you the way he does - he’s doing that because he is a dick.

In all my 57 years I've never heard of a drunken man being referred to as a lush.

He clearly has issues with alcohol, presumably because of his dad,
It does not sound as if you are compatible