Partner is so judgemental about my alcohol.

[KhakiOrca]

Hi everyone

I've been with DP for 6 months. I came out of a long term relationship with an alcoholic ex.

So , the issue is around alcohol. He doesn't drink at all. Whereas I have had alcohol with food all my life. I have done a wine course with my job and I can pair wine with food and have been to caves in France with wine and cheese etc.

I find wine and food pairings amazing.

But he keeps calling me a lush, he says things in front on my siblings and children (which they have picked up on)

I went through a stage of hiding alcohol from him, but to me this is destructive as I feel like im being secretive. I then realised this was actually making me drink more !
So now I dont hide anything, but because of that, hes now calling me retarded, alcoholic, lush, etc.

I just want to live my life as I have always done, and at the age of 55 I know my limits. My daughter and sisters have picked up on his comments to.

I also notice that if I have any amount of alcohol at all he won't give me affection which I really need.

Im so confused 😕

@FortyFacedFuckers That is not the issue the OP needs to deal with right now. She is being abused by her partner, and that is what we are helping her with.

Get rid of him. I'd be joining you in the pub for a few beers. It's a nice way to switch off after a long week at work.
Imagine doing stuff like going on holiday with him and he goes in a mood because you have a glass of wine.

Don’t stay with someone who thinks it’s ok to call you names and who tries to control what you do, OP.

3 glasses of wine every night?

That's actually a lot.

I don't agree with his calling you names but three glasses with every meal? That's nearly a whole bottle.

Mentioning your courses in wine-tasting and cheeses is irrelevant.
You're drinking over 6 units of alcohol a day. Every day.

You're not meant to have more than 14 in a week.

Living with someone like this after 6 months!!!!
you need to get out of this and fast

Why did you move in together so quickly?

This is true.

Thanks for all the replies. Just to make a few things clear,
We both have adult children who dont live with us. He sold his house and is supposed to be going to work in America.
I told him he can live with me until he gets things sorted. He has been passed to go to work in another country.

He's very kind in the way that he is very helpful in my house. He doesnt contribute anything. But he may book a weekend away etc. Or he decorates etc

But I feel trapped while hes in my house and wondering when he is gonna go. He keeps stalling.

Please let this one go, there are red flags everywhere

You honestly don’t sound compatible together and you have different attitudes to it. He is trying to control you by drawing attention to your drinking and jokingly (which is absolutely not joking) calling you a lush. I’d get rid.

He’s using you OP and he’s abusive to boot. You drink too much alcohol which makes you especially vulnerable. Please kick him out and don’t look back.

Six months! Why is even so involved in your life (DC and siblings) already? Anyone who used the 'R' word in front of me would be asked to leave. He's vile.

Name calling etc not acceptable however what does boggle me how much you really do drink and considering you left an alcoholic to that bit I find a bit bizarre tbh... something is telling me he is actually saying your drinking way to much when you get home he's just going about it in the wrong way. However why your going down that route after experience doesn't make any sense.

The word retarded isn't okay to use as a joke. I would dump anyone using that word yet alone a man insulting in front of your children or family. He's massively over stepping. All this after six months, this is craziness. End it. Expect better and don't settle for this.

Lush isn’t the nicest word, but I would not consider it being verbally abusive. It’s not like he is criticising you unfairly. He would be remiss and uncaring to not express dismay and try and discourage your drinking habit,

3 glasses of wine per evening (and in addition to the odd alcohol inclusive pub lunch) is most definitely alcoholism territory so it is no wonder your DH who is teetotal due to an alcoholic dad is triggered by it.

You are drinking your weekly alcohol units in two evenings or less.

It is really hard to watch someone you love become an alcoholic.
He’s been very mild in his discouragement of your alcohol abuse.

At the rate you are going you won’t see your grandchildren grow up.
Think about the damage alcoholism does to not just you and your health, but everyone around you.

Why is everyone telling OP they have a problem with alcohol? Surely it is up to them to work that one out? They are (presumably) an adult therefore can make their own choices (rightly or wrongly).

Wow he's living with you, that's nuts, tell him to leave. "this isn't working for me, you need to move out"

Met your children etc, no no no no

It does sound like you have an alcohol problem. And possibly also a partner problem.

But I feel trapped while hes in my house and wondering when he is gonna go. He keeps stalling.

You may feel trapped, but you are not trapped. It is your house, this is not a long-term relationship if he’s about to swan off to the US, just tell him to go. Now!

Life’s too short for this.

It's your home and he is a guest, throw him out. His attitude towards you is abusive.
I wouldn't want a partner who drinks three glasses of wine every single day, I find that unhealthy.
But if that is his issue, he can simply choose not to be in a relationship with you. The name calling is completely unnecessary.

Both things can be true, I think. 3 glasses of wine is a bottle: I wouldn't want a partner who put away a bottle of wine a day. Nor would I want a partner who dealt with emotional situations by hiding their drinking and drinking more. That's not normal, imo.

Regardless, he sounds horrible and you should get rid. Where he stays til he goes to work away is not your problem.

Because she is in denial about it.

She's dressing this up as being someone with special knowledge of wine etc but the reality is that she's drinking far too much.

Her boyfriend is an abusive user, who she needs to throw out.

The way he talks to her is abominable but she needs to realise that she's dependent on alcohol, and that she needs to slow down massively, or risk very serious health problems.

100% this!

He sounds awful, imagine how bad he will be treating you in another 6 months...

Teetotallers are the new vegans, you will hear about the evils of alcohol unprovoked

Block and delete x

Firstly, his behaviour is abusive. Leave, and mean it.
Secondly - aside from your partner’s thoughts, to me, the amount you are drinking regularly is an issue, certainly from what I understand above the recommended intake and it appears is a regular, habitual pattern that you depend on. The hiding your drinking also to me is a red flag. In my general experience, those for whom alcohol is an issue that deny they have a problem usually do have a problem. So I would be giving some serious consideration to your relationship with alcohol.