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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

428 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 02/05/2026 11:39

He raped you I’m so sorry. You said no, you are fiscally showed you were not giving consent but he still carried on. Please call Rape crisis and think about reporting, they can support you in doing so. He has a daughter and she needs to be safe from this vile man as he’s a predator. Do you have any injuries, maybe take photographs so you have them if you decide not to report for now.

stay away from him as he will do it again and worse if you go back to him. He’ll say he won’t, he’ll promise the earth, wear on his daughters life etc. I will bet everything I own that this is not the fist grime he has done this and I wonder what his ex’s story about him is.

TheyGrewUp · 02/05/2026 11:40

Never, ever, see him again. Block him and change your locks if he has keys.

It is worth reporting to the police, if not to ensure a prosecution tgis time, but so that a record in relation to his illegal and deviant conduct begins to build. You are well within your rights to press charges.

Marieb19 · 02/05/2026 11:40

That is rape. Please speak to Rape Crisis and if you think you can, report it to the police. Block him on all media and get him out of your life.

Dearg · 02/05/2026 11:42

Marieb19 · 02/05/2026 11:40

That is rape. Please speak to Rape Crisis and if you think you can, report it to the police. Block him on all media and get him out of your life.

Absolutely this. Please talk to Rape Crisis, to get some support for what you have been through.

He is truly awful and I am sorry this is how you found out 💐

IsaDrennansoitis · 02/05/2026 11:43

The fact he went for your neck and had his hands around it is a police charge in itself, non-fatal strangulation.

I know how difficult it may be to go go the police, so don't feel forced, but I hope you speak to someone and get some emotional support.

You've been through a terrible ordeal.

usernamemustnotcontainspecialcharacters · 02/05/2026 11:44

If you cannot go to to the police then find a charity who can help you process and maybe they can go with you. Don’t let him get away with raping another woman. Remember when you go to the police that we are all behind you and sending courage and love to you.

Aspecialkindofhell · 02/05/2026 11:46

This made me feel ill to read. He raped you. I would never want to see him again.

ThatLemonBear · 02/05/2026 11:47

That was horrific to read and even more horrific for you to have experienced. Echo PP, don’t let him back in your house again, change the locks if you have to. Please give serious consideration to reporting him to the police, he is a vile piece of scum

TheBlueKoala · 02/05/2026 11:48

Horrible reading. What a cunt. Glad I don't know you irl because I would have asked for his adress and let him taste of some of his own behaviour. Report him please- you won't be the first nor the last.

PeachySmile2 · 02/05/2026 11:48

What the actual fuck. He’s a rapist. He might not believe he is, but he is. Leave him immediately and do not look back.

Bristolandlazy · 02/05/2026 11:49

Sweetheart none of that is excusable as rough sex. That's rape. You were clear you didn't want it and you were upset. He's disgusting and should face consequences. He isn't sorry, he should be mortified. Wishing you healing.

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 02/05/2026 11:51

That was awful to read so to go through it must have been actually terrifying OP..

Please look after yourself and get some help. PP have provided links to Rape Crisis. Please do get in touch with them.

You may also consider getting in touch with a Sexual Assault and Referral Centre. They will help with any medical issues you have and support you in reporting to the police if you want to.

Fortunefavoursthebrave · 02/05/2026 11:51

Definitely report this , so sorry this happened to you

Endofyear · 02/05/2026 11:52

I'm so so sorry that this happened to you. Of course you're deeply shaken, you've been raped by someone you should be able to trust and feel safe with. You're in shock 😔

Please do call Rape Crisis helpline and talk to someone

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Do you have someone who can come and be with you? A close friend or family member? You need real life support and care. Of course, you can keep posting here for support too, we are all with you lovely 💐

Just to add, please don't have any further contact with this man. He is dangerous.

Want to talk?

Our 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line is open 24 hours a day. Call free on 0808 500 222 or find out how you can start a free online chat.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Realitybitesyerbum · 02/05/2026 11:52

Echoing everyone else, I felt sick reading what you've been subjected to. It's not normal, and he'll now be minimising. Please change your locks and block him. You may not feel able to report it yet, but speak to Rape Crisis for support. Also take photos of any bruises you've been left with. So sorry you've suffered this, he is dangerous.

Dinggirl · 02/05/2026 11:54

OMG this is horrendous, you poor thing!!!
Has he ever raped you before? If this is the first time then wondering if he had been watching some sort of violent porn. Whatever, you need to report it and never ever take him back!

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 02/05/2026 11:56

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:57

Sorry, this was a bit of a rushed post. Just to clarify, we don’t live together. I live with my children, who see their dad a couple of nights a week, and he has his own place and has his daughter 50/50.

Report this incident to the police. Do not see him again. End the relationship via text. Block him. Make sure you change the locks if he has keys.

INeedAnotherName · 02/05/2026 11:57

He needs reporting to the police for rape and sexual assault.

I don't want to worry you but he also needs reporting for him choking you as that is a red flag for those who go on to kill their partners or the partners who try to leave the relationship. Take the choking as a very, very serious warning. You need protecting from him.

You also need to be checked over, especially with the added complication of you having had a medical procedure earlier that day.

Please also request a Clare's Law on him.

I am so sorry this happened to you Flowers

BlueShoeGlue · 02/05/2026 11:57

Please tell the police exactly what happened as you wrote it here.
he is a violent rapist and deserves to be in prison.
I’m so sorry you had to experience that.

MyDeftDuck · 02/05/2026 11:57

I have tears in my eyes reading the OP! What a dreadfully traumatic experience! As a pp states, this is rape and sexual assault of a very serious nature. You were right to leave and you must report this dreadful man before he does this to someone else.
Sending virtual supporting hugs Treacletarttt…….and remember, you have the MN sisterhood with you! 💐💐💐

MrsVBS · 02/05/2026 11:59

Good grief that makes horrifying reading, firstly I hope you are ok and secondly please report to the police.

MegJoBethandAmytoo · 02/05/2026 12:03

He is an abusive rapist and a despicable, disgusting person. The abuse, violence and disrespect is utterly shocking. I presume he was watching some kind of violent 'porn' beforehand on his phone? Obviously not an excuse for his behaviour but I wonder if he was playing out what he had watched.

I am so sorry for you. Please tell someone in real life if you can and let them support you in contacting the police, changing the locks, just being with you

I would suggest taking a screenshot of your post. If you can't verbally tell someone / the police then they could at least start with the info here. x

TheRoseBear · 02/05/2026 12:03

Please report him to the police. This is very clearly rape. Don't allow him to talk you round or try to justify his behaviour. There is no justification at all.

Hugs OP. Take care of yourself now xx

Smarvellous · 02/05/2026 12:04

Just horrific @Treacletarttt please don't feel confused, and so well done for getting out of there. Flowers

Do you feel safe where you are right now? Does he have keys to your house?

I hope you can find real life Rape Crisis support very quickly. You don't have to report to police straight away if you don't feel strong enough, but the sooner the better, when and if you can.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

MassiveWordSalad · 02/05/2026 12:06

I’m so sorry. You were raped and assaulted. Please, please contact the police, because this won’t be a one off. Keep yourself safe and consider that he may have done this before and will probably do it again - to you or another woman - if he is not stopped. Be strong.

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