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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

427 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
stardrops1 · 02/05/2026 11:14

I’m so very sorry this happened to you. It is absolutely rape. I’m so glad you don’t live together and haven’t seen him since. I can’t imagine how frightening it must have been. Please take care of yourself and report him to the police.

livelyparsnip · 02/05/2026 11:15

after reporting him, find a safe person and process it with them. If you can’t, please get some therapy, this sounds incredibly traumatic and needs processing.

TheYorkshirePudding · 02/05/2026 11:17

Just to add what everyone else will say - this is rape. There’s no confusion there. Seek some help. Report him, Please end the relationship. I’m sorry this happened to you x

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 02/05/2026 11:19

I'd be reporting him to the police. He's a fucking rapist..

HornyHornersPinger · 02/05/2026 11:19

This was rape. Take what you've written here and show it to the police.

SignedUpAgain · 02/05/2026 11:19

That’s terrible- sorry you had to go through that. Disgusting.

please stay away from him.

if you don’t want to report to police maybe there is a women’s rape centre or support group who could talk with you.

Charlenedickens · 02/05/2026 11:20

Please don’t go back to him op. It will be worse next time. And I can assure you it will be worse and there will be a next time, as he will lose all respect for you if you do go back and think he was right and that’s whay you want. Rape, aggression, abuse.

there is no ambiguity here, this is straight up assault and rape. I would report this, I’m often on the fence when it’s in a grey area, but this is something very very different indeed, you were brutally raped and assaulted by this man.

WindyAnna · 02/05/2026 11:22

Horrendous. You poor thing. As others have said report him and get help from a support organisation. Talk to a friend of you can.

Take care of yourself xx

Comtesse · 02/05/2026 11:22

Police. There is no excuse for this. I am so sorry OP.

StopGo · 02/05/2026 11:23

Echoing other posters. Put bluntly you were subjected to a prolonged and violent rape and sexual abuse. Please reach out for help and consider reporting him to the police. I hope you've ended the relationship. Does he have keys for your home?

SpringPuppie · 02/05/2026 11:23

I’m so sorry op, I’ve been where you are now and I know how confusing and scary it feels.
Don’t feel like you have to do anything right now. If you want to talk with anyone rape crisis always have somebody who will understand at the end of their phone line.
08085002222, it’s open 24 hours.
Again I’m so so sorry.

Greenwitchart · 02/05/2026 11:23

He raped you. Report him to the police.

thepariscrimefiles · 02/05/2026 11:24

JFC this is one of the worst things I've read on Mumsnet. You were recovering from a colposcopy which is an intrusive and unpleasant procedure for women and he physically assaulted, sexually assaulted and raped you whilst also subjecting you to verbal sexual slurs and threats. He needs to be locked up for your and all women's safety. Please go to the police and speak to domestic and sexual abuse charities/helplines.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Do you have anyone to support you at the moment?

TheGardenRose · 02/05/2026 11:24

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

Report immediately. You were raped and sexually assaulted

RoseField1 · 02/05/2026 11:26

Please consider reporting him to the police: you need to draw a line under this relationship permanently and he deserves to be hauled in to the police station.

Ophy83 · 02/05/2026 11:29

I'm so sorry, he raped you. Tell someone in real life so you have support. If you feel able to do so, report to the police. Even if you don't want to go through with supporting a prosecution, your report will be there so that future partners can get that information.

Ewock · 02/05/2026 11:30

Oh my goodness, that was horrid to read so I can only imagine how you are feeling. This is serial assault and rape. Do you have someone in real life you can talk to? Do you feel able to report this to the police. You said no so many times xx

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/05/2026 11:30

This man is a rapist.

Do not see him again. Please consider making a police report.

Women who genuinely "like it rough" have a safeword that halts everything and a decent man respects that the safeword means "stop everything now". This man is using BDSM as a cover story for his decision to rape and strangle you. It's bullshit.

AnneShirleysNewDress · 02/05/2026 11:31

I’m so sorry this happened to you. As others have said this is rape and sexual assault. If he has keys to your house please change the locks as a priority.

Carolenarua · 02/05/2026 11:31

What a pig. Don't let him get away with it please. .. Hope you're ok.

L0V315 · 02/05/2026 11:34

Oh op I am so sorry, you poor poor woman. Please seek counselling for this rape, there are some organisations around that deal only with sexual trauma, there may be one near you.

You will go through so many feelings and emotions, give time to each of them and please be super gentle with yourself.

When a woman is raped, it changes and effects her for the rest of her life. It breaks something inside and has the ability to have huge repercussions.

You must do what feels right for you, going to the police, talking to a close and trusted friend or asking your dr for help.

Please do not allow this cunt to communicate with you, he will make try to manipulate and abuse you further.

Be ready to go to the police if he doesnt leave you alone.

Please look after yourself, you will be in shock. Eating soups and drinking smoothies may be easier than eating solid food whilst you go through the initial emotions. Keep safe, lock your doors, lock windows at night, do you have someone who can stay with you for a couple of nights? Try to do things for the next couple of days that are gentle on your system, you have been badly attacked and violated. Rest when you can, drink plenty of water and nurture yourself as much as you can.

You are in our thoughts, the people here on your thread will be here for you, holding you in their thoughts, holding your hand, giving you a hug. Others will be around to see you through sleepless nights. Take care of yourself op 💐

OpheliaNightingale · 02/05/2026 11:35

@ OP - first and foremost keep yourself safe. This highly abusive male has gone for your throat, which is statistically the biggest predictor that he will go on to kill you. Please reach out to organisations who can help you come up with a plan so that you can leave this relationship safely.
He has committed very serious sexual crimes against you, he has raped you. If you feel strong enough to go to the police, please do (it’s ok not to want to
do this. Depending on where you live, you might be able to do this anonymously so that if other women come forward there is extra evidence on record). Xx

usedtobeaylis · 02/05/2026 11:37

I'm so sorry. This is incredibly serious. I think you know the right thing to do is end the relationship and report him to the police but it's also the right thing to try to come to terms with it. It might help to speak to a dedicated rape organisation. His behaviour is not acceptable, absolutely not acceptable.

CaribbeanChaos · 02/05/2026 11:38

How are you now? Do you have a friend or relative you can talk to and ask for support?

Are you safe? Is his daughter safe?

I urge you to go to the police about this. You can call 101 first and make an appointment to go in to speak to someone. That way, you’re not sitting and waiting in a police waiting room.

You’ve already been so brave in writing this and posting it here. You are already a strong person. This will be tough but once you’ve reported it for the first time, you won’t have to report it for the first time again.

hypnovic · 02/05/2026 11:38

Im so sorry this happened to you. It is rape.when you feel able reach out to police or support services. NEVER allow this man in your home again. Im so sorry

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