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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

428 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 02/05/2026 13:07

This man is a danger to you OP.

Never see him again. Don’t even communicate with him and certainly don’t argue or try to explain how you feel.
He already knows.
So don't put yourself in a position where he can sweet talk you back in. There is nothing in this world he can say to make what happened acceptable.
He raped you.

You did so well to leave without further interaction with him.

It will take you a while to process what happened to you as you are still in shock.
When you are ready, I suggest you contact a local rape crisis organisation who will be able to guide and support you, without any pressure on you whatsoever. You will be glad of their help once you have taken that first step.

It’s really important that you get professional help for the very best chance of recovery…..all in your own time of course.

All the best to you and your children. I’m sorry you had to experience rape …and at such a vulnerable time after your procedure.

Littlemisssunshinexo · 02/05/2026 13:09

So sorry this has happened to you darling. No one should be raped and especially not by their partner. You need to report thos ASAP

Itsanewlife · 02/05/2026 13:10

This is truly distressing even to read. I can only imagine how horrific this must be for you to have gone through. I'm so so sorry this happened to you. Please report him to the police and never ever ever let him back into your life. This is one sick twisted criminal. Hope you have some loved ones you can turn to in real life.

Whettlettuce · 02/05/2026 13:10

This is Rape. Contact the police immediately. Im so sorry this has happened. Do not let him gaslight you and rewrite anything that happened. Its a serious sexual assault. Call womens aid for support

Loloblue · 02/05/2026 13:11

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Twooclockrock · 02/05/2026 13:12

Op this is rape. It's absolutely terrible. You must make yourself safe. Pp have suggeations.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2026 13:15

This is horrendous. I am so sorry and I hope you are able to report this rape and assault to the police.

Please at the very least get yourself checked out. You are at risk infection. Idk if you had a full colposcopy treatment or biopsy. But a biopsy is 5 days and for treatment, it’s a month.

InfoSecInTheCity · 02/05/2026 13:18

The relationship is over, you do not live together, you share no children and you never have to see him again. Do not make contact with him,, do not respond to his contact. If you feel able to then this was rape and you can report him to the police and pursue charges. That is your decision to make but could be a good idea if you feel he would be likely to be difficult to shake off and may require a non-molestation/restraining order.

You can’t trust him, you will never be able to lay down next to him again without wondering if he will attack you again, you will never be able to sleep soundly in his presence, so the relationship has to be over.

Ginorchoc · 02/05/2026 13:21

I’m not going to say the word it’ll be horrible to read it over and over again, have you got some support. You can report to the Police or go to hospital and they’ll assist. This wasn’t your fault.

Overitallandout · 02/05/2026 13:23

Awful, please report this rape to the police OP.

Laura95167 · 02/05/2026 13:34

So sorry OP. You need to be brave and tell the police. This is rape and abuse and grabbing your throat is a crime in itself.

This man is a predator

You need to seek support from friends and family too

Whettlettuce · 02/05/2026 13:35

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:57

Sorry, this was a bit of a rushed post. Just to clarify, we don’t live together. I live with my children, who see their dad a couple of nights a week, and he has his own place and has his daughter 50/50.

Op I've already posted, but I've just had a thought. Could he be on clares law? I doubt this is the first time he's done something like this. He may already have form and would need to notify the police if he gets in a relationship .

Pessismistic · 02/05/2026 13:36

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:57

Sorry, this was a bit of a rushed post. Just to clarify, we don’t live together. I live with my children, who see their dad a couple of nights a week, and he has his own place and has his daughter 50/50.

Op please do not let this man in your life ever again. Op he treated you worse than a stranger raping you he did not care what you wanted I would be texting him telling he’s fucking a rapist cunt and he can stick his dick else where as you no longer want him to be any where near you he’s a fucking cunt and he should be reported to the police but not sure how much they will do. This is awful for you to go through with someone who is meant to love and respect you he certainly does not. Please speak to someone in real life.

ThisJadeBear · 02/05/2026 13:37

He has raped you and abused you.
There are two threads on here right now of women who married their abusers and rape is happening every day, usually with violence.
And the same response about liking it rough.
No woman should be treated like this.
You have your own home and life don’t stay anywhere near him he’s dangerous.
And the name thing is revolting.
I can tell you one thing he absolutely despises women and is deeply disturbed.

OneFineDay22 · 02/05/2026 13:37

I am so so sorry for what has happened to you. Please contact women’s aid. They are extremely supportive and know exactly how to handle things like this 💐

ChristmasCwtch · 02/05/2026 13:37

That’s awful OP. He is a despicable cretin who raped and assaulted you.

Please seek counselling and support.

Also, change the locks to your house and ask friends to help collect any belongings you’ve left at his.

PepsiBook · 02/05/2026 13:37

That's so awful.
Please report him to the police immediately.
Do not ever see him again, you're not safe.
Thank goodness you don't live together.

newnamenellie · 02/05/2026 13:43

I work for a sexual violence charity and this is terrible.

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. I hear this sort of thing all of the time at work but it doesn't get any easier and makes me so angry each time.

Please report and seek support from a sexual violence charity or women's charity.

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 13:46

I don’t know if I can face going to the police. Everything is a blur at the minute. I think I’ve tried to mentally block some of it out.

He’s never done anything like this before, however, there has been instances in the past where he has gotten a bit rough during sex, but I’ve just ignored it, and he can inappropriate out in public when the kids aren’t with us. We could just be walking round a shop and he’ll just say things like ‘take your pants off now’ or try and touch me down there, or ask me to feel him. I’ve told him over and over there’s a time and a place. Sometimes, he starts sulking, saying I’m not attracted to him or I don’t want him etc, or says things like he wants/loves me more than I want him because he’s constantly wanting to touch me, but I don’t. This has made me question things in the past and we’ve had arguments about it, but the other night just shook me up.

OP posts:
zurigo · 02/05/2026 13:46

OP, this is rape and sexual assault. Please go to the police 😥

Pricelessadvice · 02/05/2026 13:48

Jesus.
Imagine if you had a daughter OP and she just disclosed that her partner had done this to her. What would you suggest she do?

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 02/05/2026 13:48

Honey, he raped you, he sexually assaulted you. No means No. you did not consent.

Please report it to the police.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 02/05/2026 13:48

You need to report this to the police, it’s rape.

Im really sorry this happened to you.

TheGardenRose · 02/05/2026 13:49

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 13:46

I don’t know if I can face going to the police. Everything is a blur at the minute. I think I’ve tried to mentally block some of it out.

He’s never done anything like this before, however, there has been instances in the past where he has gotten a bit rough during sex, but I’ve just ignored it, and he can inappropriate out in public when the kids aren’t with us. We could just be walking round a shop and he’ll just say things like ‘take your pants off now’ or try and touch me down there, or ask me to feel him. I’ve told him over and over there’s a time and a place. Sometimes, he starts sulking, saying I’m not attracted to him or I don’t want him etc, or says things like he wants/loves me more than I want him because he’s constantly wanting to touch me, but I don’t. This has made me question things in the past and we’ve had arguments about it, but the other night just shook me up.

This sounds familiar to another recent thread. Have you posted about him before?

anon4net · 02/05/2026 13:49

@Treacletarttt you've been raped. Sometimes our body tries to protect ourselves from the reality of trauma by trying to convince ourselves it's not that bad, it didn't really happen, it's not like other people who experience the same trauma. This is your nervous system in overdrive. Your 'partner' has sexually assaulted & raped you and he will do it again if you are together. Please go get help - you will need specialist support in the coming weeks and months. Part of this is also reporting him. It's scary and probably feels somewhat impossible, but you can do this. Do you have a trusted friend or family member you could phone who may help you with the next steps of seeing a local sexual assault team?

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Flowers You are brave and strong and deserve far far better. Most importantly, you deserve safety and this is not a safe relationship.