Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

428 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
MissRaspberryRipples · 02/05/2026 12:31

Oh my this is awful to read so I can only imagine how awful it is for you to have endured this ordeal. He needs reporting. I feel if you only leave him it leaves him free to find another victim to subject to his rapist and abusive ways. He needs to be stopped before he does it again. His daughter also deserves a better father than that poor excuse of a man- I hate to say it but he needs to be stopped before his child or any other child becomes his next victim, people like him prey on naive and vulnerable people

Mumstheword1983 · 02/05/2026 12:32

RS1987 · 02/05/2026 12:28

This is an awful, violent rape and serious sexual assault. I’m so sorry this happened to you - there is no grey area here, you were attacked. I encourage you to contact Rape Crisis or similar and, if you feel able, please do report to the Police. I very much doubt it’s the first time he’s done this, or the last sadly.

This. I'm so sorry OP. Please get support.

CuriousKangaroo · 02/05/2026 12:32

I’m so sorry, OP. I know it may take time to come to terms with this, but what he did was rape. And he knows what he did was rape - all that stuff about saying he thought you like it rough is a deliberate attempt to confuse you and make you doubt yourself. No one in that situation could possible think the other person was consenting.

You can go to the police or not, that is your choice. But you should tell someone official so there is a record of it. Maybe your GP?

Whatever happens, you should never, ever, see him again. And again, I’m so, so, sorry you have been through this.

CuriousKangaroo · 02/05/2026 12:33

Just want to add, please don’t feel pressured to report him if you can’t face it. Ignore those saying that if you don’t others will be raped. If that happens, it would be no one’s fault but his.

namechange7891011 · 02/05/2026 12:33

I’m so so sorry OP that you went through this. Please talk to some of your friends or family to get some in person support. It makes so so angry that men feel that they can do this.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 02/05/2026 12:34

MissRaspberryRipples · 02/05/2026 12:31

Oh my this is awful to read so I can only imagine how awful it is for you to have endured this ordeal. He needs reporting. I feel if you only leave him it leaves him free to find another victim to subject to his rapist and abusive ways. He needs to be stopped before he does it again. His daughter also deserves a better father than that poor excuse of a man- I hate to say it but he needs to be stopped before his child or any other child becomes his next victim, people like him prey on naive and vulnerable people

I believe she should report but not everyone can face it. It's not fair to say to someone if you don't report it he'll find another victim. She's dealing with enough right now

Booboobagins · 02/05/2026 12:34

Report this to the police.
Leave this AH. You deserve better.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 02/05/2026 12:36

You have been raped and it sounded like a prolonged attack. You need to ensure you are safe. Can you phone women's aid or rape crisis. Have you got a female who can support you moving forward.

LorryTaylor · 02/05/2026 12:36

This is one of the hardest personal accounts I have ever read. I always wonder what it’s like for an OP to read posters’ responses. I’m guessing you feel terribly confused. I hope our comments help reassure you that this is terrible, unforgivable, criminal behaviour on this man’s part. Flowers

HelpBlueOrRed · 02/05/2026 12:37

This is a full on attack OP do you understand that? I'm so sorry this happened to you. Absolutely dreadful. What a sick fucker.

Hollycoco · 02/05/2026 12:38

There is no grey area here - this was a very serious sexual assault on you. He is a dangerous rapist. You must contact the police, I doubt this is the first time he has done this to someone, it’s very extreme.

Im so sorry this happened to you. Do you have someone close to you that you can confide in? If not please contact a rape survivors charity.

JoyLoveJoyInOrbitNsoul · 02/05/2026 12:38

SpryTaupeTurtle · 02/05/2026 12:34

I believe she should report but not everyone can face it. It's not fair to say to someone if you don't report it he'll find another victim. She's dealing with enough right now

It was a harrowing read I don't know how anyone can begin to process what happened having gone through such a brutal experience.
Hope she's able to go through it at her own pace and do what's right for her.

OhBettyCalmDown · 02/05/2026 12:41

OP I’m so sorry this happened to you. You need to go to the police and report it. He’s raped you. Do not let him try and convince you this was normal, do not let him enter your home again. Please please please report it and stay safe x x

Starsnrainbows · 02/05/2026 12:42

Do not let this awful man back into your home! If you accept this, God only knows what will happen next. This is serious sexual assault and rape. If this happened to you on a night out with a stranger, you would report it, just because hes your partner, doesn't excuse him!

AgnesX · 02/05/2026 12:43

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:57

Sorry, this was a bit of a rushed post. Just to clarify, we don’t live together. I live with my children, who see their dad a couple of nights a week, and he has his own place and has his daughter 50/50.

If you haven't already end it now. Whatever else you do dump him.

Jesus wept, what is it with some men 😠

OneDayEarly · 02/05/2026 12:43

This is rape. I’m so sorry

TheGardenRose · 02/05/2026 12:44

Are you coming back OP?

Smarvellous · 02/05/2026 12:44

JoyLoveJoyInOrbitNsoul · 02/05/2026 12:38

It was a harrowing read I don't know how anyone can begin to process what happened having gone through such a brutal experience.
Hope she's able to go through it at her own pace and do what's right for her.

Completely agree. I'd encourage OP to report only if she feels they may be helpful in terms of any immediate and further risk to herself, before even contemplating anyone else!

wrongthinker · 02/05/2026 12:45

Call the police, OP.

This was a violent rape and sexual assault. He deserves to be in prison.

If you don't feel able to call the police, then call Rape Crisis.

I'm so sorry, OP. What an awful thing he has put you through.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 02/05/2026 12:45

Starsnrainbows · 02/05/2026 12:42

Do not let this awful man back into your home! If you accept this, God only knows what will happen next. This is serious sexual assault and rape. If this happened to you on a night out with a stranger, you would report it, just because hes your partner, doesn't excuse him!

The percentage of rapes that get reported is actually very low. She's trying to process this clearly

JLou08 · 02/05/2026 12:45

He's an absolute monster. I'm so sorry you went through that. There's no excusing it at all. Please stay far away from him and access some support.

JasmineTea11 · 02/05/2026 12:49

This is fucking outrageous. I hope you feel able to go to the police, and get support from people around you.

Lavender14 · 02/05/2026 12:53

I'm so sorry op, that's a utterly traumatic thing he did to you. He raped you.

You need to go to the police and report him. He knew what he was doing and he knew you didn't like it and he wanted to have power over you.

You did right to leave, you absolutely cannot safely see this man again. He didn't just go too far. The fact he's now minimising it and saying he thought you liked it is gaslighting and further abuse.

Please report him. The fact he has a dd who he has 50:50 contact with is terrifying. He needs to be properly investigated and assessed and that contact needs to be supervised going forwards.

You did nothing wrong. There was nothing you could have done differently. You didn't deserve this. This was entirely his fault. You deserve to be safe and respected in your relationships. You deserve to be heard and justice served.

Please report him. The best thing you can do right now op is tell a friend you trust to have your back in real life. You're no doubt in a bit of shock and op you will need (and deserve) support with this. Please be gentle with yourself and do not cover for this man or keep this a secret for him.

This does not affect your worth in any way.

Vaxtable · 02/05/2026 12:59

That’s rape. You report it to the police now

you block him in everything and have nothing more to do with him

tsmainsqueeze · 02/05/2026 13:00

I am so sorry he did this to you he is a rapist and a monster bad enough but to even suggest sex after your procedure -my God words fail me.
Thank God you have got away from him ,you know you should go to the police .
Please don't consider continuing this relationship he is clearly a dangerous bastard.

Swipe left for the next trending thread