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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

428 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
goodThingGonewrong · 11/05/2026 16:18

Dear @Treacletarttt I have read all of your posts and this is the first time I have commented. I suspect that you are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and I think the gp is a good route to access health.
However a quicker route maybe private - does your employer offer any services or private health care.
I am so sorry what happened to you, it was horrific.
Gentkg though, think about if you can tell someone in real life. None of this is your fault and the shame should not be yours. Sending you love and keep posting for support, it’s a therapy in itself sometimes.
also if you feel you could not tell someone in real life, you may consider sending them the link to this thread x

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/05/2026 16:20

Hi OP... it must be so upsetting for you, but you are already taking steps to get through it. You've spoken to someone,, youre spending time at your parents where you feel safe and its a good distraction from spirling thoughts and you're changing your number to stop the messages from this very nasty person. You will get through this. I think as @grapefruit100 said, try to get an urgent GP appointment. Keep going, keep seeking help/support, keep doing what makes you feel safe. You will get through this.

outerspacepotato · 11/05/2026 16:24

I agree that it's time to tell someone in your life about this.

He sounds dangerous and violent and you might need a friend or family member at short notice.

goodThingGonewrong · 11/05/2026 16:25

Sorry if I wasn’t clear but I meant you should see your GP to see what mental health services you can access. There may even be local organisations that can help you,

throwawayimplantchat · 11/05/2026 16:32

Please ask for an urgent appointment with a female GP. Say you need some urgent mental health support due to a traumatic event and you can then either speak to her in there or if you feel unable to say it all out loud maybe you could show her the first post in this thread? I feel for you so much, you are incredibly brave and sound so lovely x

Daleksatemyshed · 11/05/2026 16:54

You've been in shock @Treacletarttt , your mind protects you by taking a few days before reality sinks in, that's why it seems more raw now. See a female GP and ask for help, please don't be afraid to tell her the truth so she can get the best help for you.
I'm glad your changing your mobile number, I knew your Ex wouldn't go quietly, he wants to believe it was rough sex or that you've gone back to your Ex, he doesn't have the emotional maturity to face his own guilt.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 11/05/2026 17:20

Please save his messages @Treacletarttt. Just in case you ever feel strong enough to report him. If you choose and if you want. No pressure here if you don't choose that. You've had enough choice taken away without us pressuring you to do anything else you don't want to.

Smarvellous · 11/05/2026 17:57

Yes, GP will help @Treacletarttt
Just make sure to ask for a female one.
Get an appt booked even if they can't see you straight away.

I've no experience with SARC but my guess is they will still be a source of support, even if you don't want an exam.

What were the other resources Rape Crisis gave?

Smarvellous · 11/05/2026 18:01

Sexual assault referral centres (SARCs) offer medical, practical and emotional support to anyone who has been raped, sexually assaulted or abused. SARCs have specially trained doctors, nurses and support workers to care for you.

....From NHS website, so yes, they should be able to support you without an exam.

TeaPot496 · 11/05/2026 18:03

As he is harassing you the police can help. You don't necessarily need to disclose everything (or all at once) x

AcrossthePond55 · 11/05/2026 18:25

@Treacletarttt

Please tell someone IRL. Pick a friend or relative you trust in and who will keep your confidence and tell them. You don't have to give the details if you don't want to since they love you they'll accept that. But I think you'll find real relief in having someone you love tell you "This was not your fault".

And yes, I think counseling would help you. Did Rape Crisis give you any referrals or suggest any groups that may help you.

Walig54 · 11/05/2026 18:28

If you have any other suspicions about him do a Clare's Law request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/05/2026 06:58

AcrossthePond55 · 11/05/2026 18:25

@Treacletarttt

Please tell someone IRL. Pick a friend or relative you trust in and who will keep your confidence and tell them. You don't have to give the details if you don't want to since they love you they'll accept that. But I think you'll find real relief in having someone you love tell you "This was not your fault".

And yes, I think counseling would help you. Did Rape Crisis give you any referrals or suggest any groups that may help you.

I agree with this, please confide in someone. I am so pleased that you reached out to rape crisis. You’ve been so brave. You’re doing so well. Flowers

Ihateknowingthis · 13/05/2026 18:41

If you were my daughter I'd want to know and be there to help and support you.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 16/05/2026 09:50

Treacletarttt · 06/05/2026 17:53

Just thought I’d give an update. I’ve blocked him on everything, but I have had numerous calls from unknown numbers, as well as voicemails, texts and calls from multiple burner numbers, which are him. He’s starting to get nasty now, as I haven’t responded.

This is some of the messages I’ve had to deal with from burner numbers.

‘You didn't actually say much about it.. thats why I had no clue what's wrong. Now I've raped you and attacked you and forced you etc. Funny though really.. when I said call me tom you relaxed your legs and let me slide inside you..’

‘I was horny, I wanted you like I always do (my bad I know). Why i said call me his name i don't know..
Yeah i was annoyed, but I wanted you and wanted to fuck you like I have done always.. timing was bad, and probably made me want rage sex’

‘Also.. you sucked my cock when I put it near your mouth..

You could of closed your lips and said NO

You could of easily got out of bed.. I didn't hold you down, I didn't rip your clothes off or puch you or knock you out, I didn't even get to penetrate you because you said you were sore from the appointment..

You didn't say NO or GET OFF ME NOW..‘

I have managed to turn my voicemail off for now, and I am in the process of changing my number with my mobile network provider, because I can’t deal with this. I did say no multiple times, and he did penetrate me, not for long because I winced and tried to push him away. But he slid it in a couple of times.

Edited

Dreadful human being

SpryTaupeTurtle · 16/05/2026 09:51

Treacletarttt · 11/05/2026 16:13

Rape crisis gave me some links for support etc. One of which was SARC, but I’m not sure I want an examination. It happened over a week ago now, so I don’t think they would be able to obtain any evidence now. The penetration parts didn’t last very long either, so there wouldn’t be any injuries either.

I have considered the GP, would they be able to refer me for any mental health support with all of this?

I do feel like I’m having a delayed reaction to everything. I’m trying my best to hold it together, but I was taking the kids school this morning and I could feel myself welling up out of the blue, but I managed to pull myself together.

I know from past experience how nasty he can be when things don’t go his way, so I’m worried he’ll make my life hell.

Edited

Police. He's harassing you

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 16/05/2026 10:02

He's banking on you being too scared of him to take things further with the police..
But you aren't op. You have got this. Dealing with what he did and getting him punished will help you heal.
My exh raped me 2 weeks pp. He denied it when I confronted him the next day. I took off my wedding ring and planned my escape. Took me 20 months but I did it. I wish to god I been strong enough to report him. You sound like you have family. Lean on them. They will have your back. Bet he doesn't have anyone. He's a fucking monster.

Ceibach · 16/05/2026 15:36

I am so very sorry this has happened to you. My sister was raped twice by her ex husband after she left him. You must keep yourself and your two little ones safe. For that reason, I think it would be wise for you to confide in your GP and consider going to the police. He sounds like a violent, unpredictable man child and your priority has to be to keep you out of harms way.
Take care of yourself xx

Cartwrightandson · 19/05/2026 07:30

Hope you are ok Hun. You don't need to do anything, just do what is right for you

Treacletarttt · 19/05/2026 20:12

Just quick update, I have been to the GP. I ended up breaking down in front of her, and telling her a few other things which happened in the relationship. She mentioned reporting it to the police, I said I was trying to avoid going down that route, as I think that would make the situation 1000x worse right now. I’ve been given a number for a self referral to Talking Therapies I think it’s called? I have contacted them today, but they were closed, so I completed the online form and I’m waiting to hear back. She also gave me the number for the National Domestic Abuse line. That’s about as far as I’ve got right now. That’s about as far as I’ve got right now.

OP posts:
SpryTaupeTurtle · 19/05/2026 20:14

Treacletarttt · 19/05/2026 20:12

Just quick update, I have been to the GP. I ended up breaking down in front of her, and telling her a few other things which happened in the relationship. She mentioned reporting it to the police, I said I was trying to avoid going down that route, as I think that would make the situation 1000x worse right now. I’ve been given a number for a self referral to Talking Therapies I think it’s called? I have contacted them today, but they were closed, so I completed the online form and I’m waiting to hear back. She also gave me the number for the National Domestic Abuse line. That’s about as far as I’ve got right now. That’s about as far as I’ve got right now.

You need to look at some kind of order so he can't come near you if you don't want to involve police. He's harassing you

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 19/05/2026 20:23

Well done OP. That was brave.

There are people and organisations out there that will help if you can ask for it.

Smarvellous · 19/05/2026 20:30

Well done OP. That was a massive step seeing your gp. I hope that's lightened things a little. Really hope she helps open some doors to further support for you. Do please go back to her if you don't get anywhere. Talking therapies should be able to help, but I guess there may be a wait list. Worth it to be on it though.

Thegoldenoriole · 19/05/2026 20:30

Well done for reaching out Treacletarttt. Rooting for you 🌻

Fortunefavoursthebrave · 19/05/2026 22:22

Well done for telling the GP, that must have taken a lot of strength. Hopefully the talking therapy will help. Rooting for you

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