How can I reduce my mother-in-law's weekly overnight stays?

[GreenTree5]

My MIL stays over at our place too often. She lives a 45 min drive away and comes over every week to stay for between 3-5 nights. We don't have a spare room so she sleeps on the sofa. This has happened for years. I am bewildered as to why. I cannot get my husband to reduce it as it's a sensitive topic with him and he gets very defensive and annoyed even when I broach the subject delicately. I'm sick of it. Any ideas are welcome please. Thank you

You are unreasonable for putting up with this for so long. Why are you still there?

Just wow.... this is unusual

To be clear....

1. How long has this been happening?
2. Are you married?
3. Did it start before or after you married?
4. How old are your kids?

What do you mean, “like a war zone?” What actually happened?

No way would I live like this.

You buy several beeping prank devices and you put them in the room. Put itching powder in her blankets.

Then you move out into your own place because this is utterly ridiculous.

Perhaps she doesn't like being alone in her flat at night. Get her a dog? It is a bit late to try to change this if it's been that way for years. Could you buy a bigger house with an annex for her so she can be close by but separate, at least not sleeping on your sofa!

This is insane. She’s not staying with you she’s living with you. No advice I’m afraid as I’m not sure you’re going to be able to get it to stop after all this time. You’ve just got to decide if you want to live like this for the rest of your (or her) life.

Your husband needs therapy this isn’t a normal at all

Do your parents live nearby? Could you stay with a friend and leave them to it?

Can You afford keeping the house and getting him to move back in with his mum?

There are so many questions raised and or answered. I think we need to understand WHY she sleeps over before we can truly help and advice

How old is she?

Send him to stay with her

Invite someone else to stay eg your dm or siblings for similar nights.
What's sauce for the goose ....

Sabotage the sofa
It would be worth sitting on the floor to stop this

Does she ask or just rock up? Are you expected to finance her food bill as well? 5 days at 2 meals a day, plus hot water and electricity/gas use must add up to a pretty penny. Does she contribute? What time do you have to go to bed when she's kipping on your sofa?
Its madness!! Get her told and if your DP objects, send him away as well

Charge her rent. She's at your place more than her own. That's ridiculous.

Get rid of the sofa!

Tell your husband he needs to tell her or have a think about his priorities. What a ridiculous situation, you're being third wheeled by her.

Swap the sofa for two armchairs, take up an annoying hobby and practise it loudly in the lounge; buy a hamster and put it in the lounge with her. They make a surprising amount of noise all night scrabbling around.

But seriously - leave the enmeshed pair of them to it and move out somewhere where you don’t have to put up with this.

Then your husband is a bad man.

Your latest update suggests that your husband is controlling her? And you by extension?

What is she doing when she visits? Is he out at work all day? Is he working remotely and simply treating her like a live in maid when she stays?

Start walking around naked. All of the time.

While your MIL is staying, who cooks? Who cleans? Do you both work? What does she do all day?

It doesn’t sound like she’s the problem here, to be honest. As they say, you have a DH problem.

Sorry but I would just divorce.

Is there a cultural dimension to this - an expectation that elders must be revered and pandered to or such? Else, it is very odd behavior on everyone's part to have entertained/allowed this for so long.

So she basically lives at yours and goes home 2 days a week? Charge her rent!

You have to put your foot down if you don't want this anymore. Husband should not find this sensitive, it's fairly straight forward isn't it?

If your husband won't back you up, then you really have little choice but to leave. You can't control other people's actions but you do have choices as to what you do.

Grins, yes! Or develop a liking for some really loud heavy thrash metal... that has to be played every day for the OP's mental health.

Well obviously YABU for putting up with madness.

As for bringing it up and things becoming a 'warzone' , that would have sealed the deal for me.

If your DH still wants to live with his mummy, then he can, but you and the DC won't be there.

If you let this carry on then I have no sympathy for you.