How can I reduce my mother-in-law's weekly overnight stays?

[GreenTree5]

My MIL stays over at our place too often. She lives a 45 min drive away and comes over every week to stay for between 3-5 nights. We don't have a spare room so she sleeps on the sofa. This has happened for years. I am bewildered as to why. I cannot get my husband to reduce it as it's a sensitive topic with him and he gets very defensive and annoyed even when I broach the subject delicately. I'm sick of it. Any ideas are welcome please. Thank you

It started when we had a bigger house and spare room and space. We've downsized due to money but the habit seems set and it's been normalised between him and his family / grown up 'kids' (I don't have any of my own kids). I've done so much for his family for nothing in return. I've decided to just not do it anymore and to hell with what they all think.

They all suit themselves so why shouldn't I? I cannot carry them anymore.

Sounds like she's trying to move in.

Need to be clear with husband, either move house to somewhere with a granny annexe - with own kitchenette and bathroom or she stops staying or you get divorced. They are the only three options.
Why have you let it go on for so long? I’d be having the arguing in front of her at this point.

Ask her to chip in on the bills

It started when we had a bigger house and spare room and space. We've downsized due to money but the habit seems set and it's been normalised between him and his family / grown up 'kids' (I don't have any of my own kids). I've done so much for his family for nothing in return. I've decided to just not do it anymore and to hell with what they all think.

We have spare rooms and space but no way on earth would I want any relatives staying 3+ night per week!

But WHY does she think she needs to stay?

Ok, so she's not there to do childcare, she's living there part time.

Time to give your husband a choice. He will likely choose his mom, but if you don't exit this setup, she's going to be there full time with you as her caregiver. He can live with his mother or you. But not both under the same roof. No more "spending the night" for days. He doesn't get to enjoy married life while his mommy has de facto moved into your home and you can't enjoy your own home. You're the queen of your castle. If he wants to live with his mom rather than you, his wife, the marriage is done.

See a lawyer and have divorce papers ready.

If you contribute to the mortgage and bills and food, you're helping supporting your MIL. Think about that.

I've decided to just not do it anymore and to hell with what they all think.

So have you a plan yet? What are you going to do so as not "do it anymore"?

You have to make a plan, put your cards on the table, and if the plan doesn't cater to YOUR needs have a backup, like divorce. I know it all sounds easy on a screen, but you really do have to do this. Or something equally final.

Do it soon before you find yourself helping her in and out of the bath and keeping track of her medical appointments.