Was I right to block him after another vague date plan, what am I doing wrong?

[Karlaken]

So I was talking to this one guy the end of last year, he begged me for a date the date came and he unexpectedly had a family emergency so I excused it. Things fell of from there, months later he comes back I entertain it cause I was bored my mistake. He organizes a date for this week asks me what I’m doing, if I’m free on certain days etc. This is him initiating to see me, I’m not asking him or even making an effort in our conversations. I agree he suggested a certain place and I declined and he said let’s do something else. So I agree to that.

So he said that he had a few spots he wanted to take me on. I ask him the name of the place he says “I don’t know the name I’m going to ask a friend”? Then he asks me if the certain time we agreed to still works I say yes. He still texting me as normal, I started to withdrawal cause I knew he was on some bull, you still haven’t given me the name of the spot?

Fast forward to the day of the “date” he sends me these texts

GOOD MORNINN
WAKE UP ITS A GOOD DAY FOR US
soo on this good day like this we gone have a good one…

So you’re texting me for what? There’s still no time, place, location, effort. He should have kept it playa and just said nothing today why even send a text.

Then he sends me a voice note at 3pm keep in mind our time was 7:30pm

“Work has been so busy today, so much stuff has happened. Did you still want to hang out later today, so and so is a good spot to go to”

BLOCKED.
That was it, I’m appalled I mean who do these men think I am? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt yet I feel like a laughing stock. I’m not sure what I’m dong wrong or what type of vibe I’m giving off to these weird men.

Did you read the OP?

She writes like she's 14

'playa'

I'm with you op. you wanted him to make an effort - to book somewhere, to be clear with you - not 'you still up for meeting' and 'is this place good'

those are your standards - you stick to them!

She was very offish with him and withdrew and wasnt even replying to some of his messages, so no doubt he wondered how much effort to put and planning to make, probably had a back up plan for last night if he had any sense

Thats why you would ask 'still up for tonight' as she hadnt shown any interest or response that would confirm that.

In any other thread, some bloke saying 'we're going here' would get a slew of responses about how controlling that was and 'he should ask if you think thats a nice place to go'

Here, its given as some flaw because he's checking if she wants to go there

Where is her contribution to the planning anyway, it all reads very princessy.

Hence the 14 year old presentation.

I've read it three times and I'm still not quite sure what he did wrong? He was a bit slow to confirm the actual place, but perhaps he was genuinely undecided?

So his voicemail said this:

“Work has been so busy today, so much stuff has happened. Did you still want to hang out later today, so and so is a good spot to go to”.

At 3pm in the afternoon he was suggesting a place for 7.30 that night. Unless it was 50 miles away or something I don't see the problem. He's been a bit vague and disorganised, but surely it's not worth blocking him over, if he seemed worth meeting with at all?

But he gave you the location, right? I hate blocking, it's such a cop out. If you were irritated with him, just be mature and tell him. Especially since it is unclear what he did wrong. You didn't seem particularly interested either, so why weren't you honest about that?

Sorry op but tbh I think you have been a bit harsh.

He did originally suggest a place which you declined. Plus he was working most of Saturday. He did apologise too for being busy.

I would have given him a second chance.

I missed that he had suggested somewhere and she turned it down. Then she didnt suggest anything different and just sits in silence. What a time waster you are OP

I agree with most of the other posts. I don't see what he did particularly wrong, whereas you sound quite difficult to deal with. You sound like you're really not keen on him and therefore you shouldn't arrange future dates. But blocking him was unecessary and rude.

Seriously? As far as I can tell she was never given a location. I've had this before and was just given a location of "London", and it can take over an hour to get from one end to the other.

Going to an unknown location? Did anyone ever teach you about how to be safe on dates?

Edit: But if an actual location, meeting spot was arranged then that is completely different.

This man ghosted me the first time months ago after asking me on a date. The date comes said he has a family emergency I told him not worry about it and we can schedule for another time. He never replied and went ghost for 4 months. So this time around he should have put in more effort

Check out Burnt Haystack.

The faux-family emergency and then recontact months later was probably him focusing on another woman and it not working out, so now he's checking out who he had left hanging.

He's not serious.

If YOU are serious about a long-term committed relationship, guys who pull this shit should be blocked so that they don't waste your time again.

What do you do when you're trying to find a needle in the haystack? Burn the haystack down ie block all the uncommitted ones, the players, and the creeps.

He ghosted you for 4 months and you still agreed to see him again?

This. First time you should have blocked him.

As I said, I read it as OP replacing the actual suggested location with ‘so and so’ - otherwise his message makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

How would you go to an unknown location? What do you even mean? Obviously a suggested date location would be a public place?

So he text you in the morning telling you he intended to see you this evening. He also sent a voice note in tha afternoon reiterating this. But that’s wrong so you blocked him?
im not quite sure what you are looking for. You should thank your lucky stars you haven’t encountered the type of twats most people do in dating these days 🙈

Hes a player he likes the chase
You did the right thing

I also don't understand the problem or why you've blocked him (which seems really rude and quite extreme)

Lol. OP's complaint is that he didnt do much chasing.

So now you are taking revenge by blocking him? Why play these games? You gave him another chance to meet, even though you seem disinterested. You should have made your stance and expectations clear, in terms of what you want. And if didn't suit you, just say that to him, instead of blocking.

Well, I sort of see it now.

He ghosted OP initially.
He wanted another chance, and she wanted him to work for it. He did not try hard enough or make it up to her.

Blocking him is fair enough. He doesn't really deserve better after ghosting her first time round.

At least OP gets the satisfaction of being the dumper this time round.

I'd have skipped the "second chance" tbh.

He didn’t. Sound at all enthusiastic.

• ‘work’s been busy, do you still want to hang out?’, is code for ‘shall we not bother?’.

It’s either I’d rather stay home, or let’s stay home and shag. It’s not, ‘looking forward to seeing you at 7pm!’.

I'm not sure I agree with that interpretation- if he started out the day sounding excited "this is going to be a great day for us!!" etc and got nothing back from OP, then him asking later if she still wanted to hang out is him realising she's not keen.

I'm assuming she didn't respond to his earlier messages though.

Why play stupid games, why not be genuine?

And OP says she wonders what she is 'doing wrong'.

I would have blocked him too. I don’t like to be kept waiting, and his (obviously) deliberately vague texts would annoy me.

Particularly if he had let me down at the 11th hour the last time.

Agreed.

First mistake was going back there.