The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Well that’d be a very hard no from any woman on here ha!

Hopefully, from many more not on here - do wonder if these profiles ever work.

Hilarious. Well at least his red flags are well and truly visible on his profile for the next woman to see!

First date with Mr Starship was pleasant. He was all green flags, seemed very lovely, messaged me after that he was keen to meet again. But I just didn’t feel a spark. It was like chatting to a nice friend or colleague. The thought of going any further made me feel panic. I honestly wonder sometimes if I’m just hardwired not to like anyone who’s actually nice, normal and into me.

Had to race off after my date to a house viewing. Mr Charismatic came too, so third day in a row I’ve seen him. We ended up spending a few hours together at his place (which was longer than my date with Mr Starship), where I helped him install a screen for his film projector. He’s invited me over for a film night sometime.

Long story short, apparently I prefer men who are emotionally unavailable 😩

100% committed? Before they have even met him?.WTAF? Creepy tosser!

Sorry to hear there were no sparks with Starship - at least you had a pleasant time I guess?

I definitely vibe with the "preferring unemotionally available men" thing!

Not met him yet, I am ashamed to say! I am just being really giddy about his texts....

The last time I felt this positive about a man before meeting, was my ex, and that lasted about five years, and I'd still crawl over broken glass for him to be fair....

That sounds positive, have you got a date lined up?

@BoxOfCats I think it is worth considering Mr Starship 😁

Awww I know the feeling! I still have so much love for my ex but it ended a while ago and I need to move on. It’s hard and I understand!

Same here, the more emotionally unavailable they are, the more I seem to be drawn to them! Nice and normal feels very dull. Although I would welcome someone who is slightly more stable than my usual type.

Yeah, we are meeting this Saturday in my local Wetherspoons! Unless he cancels, of course.

Usually I dread first dates, but I am actually excited about this one (though no doubt the fear will come later).

I'm not head over heels for his photos - they aren't bad, but nothing out of the ordinary - but he just seems so funny and interesting, and flirty in a nice way.....

Thank you - and I am sorry to hear you feel like that too. It really is tough.... But I just keep reminding myself why it didn't work.

I am hoping that if I can start dating someone nice, I will start to remember that ex is just one guy, and there are plenty of other ones out there, one of whom hopefully will love me as much back!

But I know there are no guarantees, and you have to take it slow, and see the funny side of OLD!

Awww! That’s a good sign though. Good luck for your meet on Saturday!

Oh nooo. I already sent him a message saying it was lovely to meet him, that I had a genuinely nice time but there was no romantic connection for me,

I did experience something similar last year with Mr Eager, he was super into me and seemed very nice. I went on 5-6 dates with him but no real spark. Just the same mild feeling of panic 😩 So ended it and it was definitely the right thing. I guess I just want more chemistry and to feel an immediate feeling of YES. But rationally also realise that approach might not be serving me well…

I definitely reckon that after 5-6 dates, there needs to be a spark.

Not sure after the first one? To be honest, I've generally known on a first meeting whether I was into someone or not.

I have one exception, a guy I ended up in a relationship with for two years, who I had been friends with for decades before and never felt that way. Once I started to think of him like that, it was pretty overwhelming!

But generally I agree that you know or you don't.... I think slow-burners are the exception rather than the rule?

I have a date Thurs with Mr Plane.

I have been debating this (with myself) all weekend. Like surely there has to be something on the first date to give you a clue that attraction might develop.... But then there are friends which you don't realise you fancy until it hits you in the face. But life is too short to keep meeting up with people you can't face snogging.

I debate this too - especially 10 years on from last first date, and reassessing my approach to relationships overall.

I’ve only had 2 different dates this time - both not my physical type particularly from pics - actually both of a similar nearness to any sort of type I may have in person too. - I didn’t stop Mr Not for Me giving a bit of a snog and I tried a 2nd date around too - thought of a third time was ‘eww not really’ - Mr Tree - whoosh, attracted straightaway and yeah there was the chemistry factor. Had 4 dates now and still same. I think other stuff feeds in though - I really just liked the vibe with one and whilst other was ok I suppose as a person and we could chat there was just no connection for me. I had wondered if this is enough to build - then I met Mr Tree and I don’t think it is after all.

Anyway, I think I’d now have to be looking for that if I have further different dates . I had thought I could or would do it differently in my older years - but probably not then!

i think this is also it - I’m pretty short on time at the moment so also didn’t want to drag it out…!

I was hoping things would be magically different being older but I feel the same. And you are right, it's not just about looks, it's about a vibe that goes with the looks as well.

For those who love an emotionally unavailable man you need to read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

Honestly its eye opening....and hopefully will also help fix you

(Previous regular on here but just read from a distance now)

Woohoo! Are you excited?

LOL more detached and wary after only so far managing to get to second date 😅

Hello all, can I join? I was on the dating thread about two years ago, left because I thought I had at last (after about 30 dates) met someone for the long term. Alas, it was not meant to be - in fact I think I had a lucky escape. I'm mid 50s so after divorce and this I was a bit upset that I had allowed myself to be so manipulated. Then I had another short relationship, nice guy, but he had ED he wasn't willing to admit to or take any steps to address, despite my suggestion that we could work it out together. So, here I am on OLD again. I have two chats going, one seems very nice but too far away. The other one seems just too good to be true - looks good, sends thoughtful messages and is actually asking questions!!

Just to add to the hygiene discussion, I've never been with a man that didn't shower enough - but teeth can be an issue. I find a lot of men just don't seem to be as concerned with dental hygiene as women... has this been your experience?

Oops, forgot to name them. Mr Producer (related to his job) and Mr Expressive.