The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thanks @Nosdacariad for the new thread!

Well I’ve managed to go from 1 iron to 3 this week. All matched on Hinge.

Mr Driver is the guy I mentioned before who is very engaging, asks lots of questions and seems interested. He did eventually ask me on a date however trying to pin down a day has been tricky because of his work and family commitments.

Mr Dancer…. To be honest I think I may give this one a swerve. He really is keen and very enthusiastic, but again is asking lots of questions etc.Said he wants to take me out for a few drinks and a dance. He told me he’s put his Hinge on pause and told his other iron he is chatting to someone he connects with more (me). I was quite taken aback by this and told him so, said I feel an element of pressure. He told me not to and he doesn’t expect the same from me, he just doesn’t like speaking to more than one. (Although he was clearly speaking to someone else when we matched).

Mr Cool. Matched with him a couple of days ago and although he does seem interested and is sending semi-long messages and keeping the conversation going, his keenness isn’t coming across as much as the other 2. Seems very nice though.

Thanks for the new thread @Nosdacariad!

I had a fun night with Mr Freelancer but not for me. He's 6 years younger than me and I think it shows. In 10 years he will be a complete catch!

I'm ironless again. Marginally panicky about a long weekend with no plans next week but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Mr Millionaire should be back by then so that's a good way to spend an afternoon!

@CleanShirt I'm in the same boat for long weekend x**

So @Nosdacariadfrom your keyboard to Mr Tree’s ears - he asked me out out tonight - with a plan! And I didn’t say a word ha.

I’m not used to being so boundaried around what I prefer nor for any dumbass guy to either realise or bother - so I’m looking forward to the night anyway.

Not sure how old you are, but I’m 60 and have spoken to 54 and (a bit) younger but I don’t feel totally comfortable I think - think we are on different pages from the get go - but it definitely doesn’t hurt to try and see!

@MsJinks I'm 41 and he was 35... My little brother is almost 34 so that's my cut off! He's a lovely guy, just didn't have a huge amount in common.

I'm going to go on some walks I think and do some stuff in my flat I've been putting off for months... We should stay busy! X

Seems ok in my (old) head lol - but I get it, the difference, even when it seems minimal on the surface.

I have quite a narrow age range now - it was 55 but even then I’m flicking past those - so moved it to 58-64 - seems mean but I start thinking they may need me to care after that ha - and some do seem so old - I’m probably picky.

Excellent news 🌳

Thanks for the new thread!

@CleanShirt @Nosdacariad if it makes you feel any better I will be working the entire BH weekend!

Exactly, who has time for men anyway? 😄

Thanks for for the new thread @Nosdacariad!

Right so my chat with Mr Charismatic last night went as predicted. He basically said thanks for raising it, and that he’s also been conscious that we’ve fallen into a bit of a “situationship” as he described it. I said it had been good not to rush anything, but equally I’m not looking for a casual setup on a long term basis as ultimately I want a relationship and more of an emotional connection with someone.

He said he’s had a lot of change in his life recently (got back from a few months abroad, then was flat out finding and buying a house, then just moved in last week) and that he feels like he needs to be in a more stable place before he can offer anyone any kind of commitment. He said if I’m open to it he still wants to keep seeing me and see where it goes, but acknowledged that I’m not looking for casual long term.

So my takeout from all this is that he’s quite happy with the status quo, I really don’t see him wanting to commit to anything anytime soon (if ever…). We still had a really fun evening, there was wine/cheese/music when I arrived, then we went out for dinner. I ended up staying the night, and in the morning he made me coffee on his new machine (which I had to show him how to use, haha!) and he offered to come to a house viewing with me tomorrow. All very lovely.

So at least now I know where things stand. No big surprises, so I’m not upset. He’s fantastic in the bedroom (the man should teach lessons!) so I might continue to see him but my expectations are firmly readjusted 😄

Following! Though still not interested in anyone, when will I get my mojo back?!

@BoxOfCats it all sounds very adult and respectful. Shame he's not available for more as he seems very level-headed. But you seem to be handling it well and it's the only way in which I'd be comfortable to do casual.

Thanks for the new thread @Nosdacariad . I've been MIA but checking on all of your stories periodically. Mr. Poet and I are progressing steadily - going on dates, taking little overnight trips and doing a bit of DIY together. I think we are about to exchange keys to our houses. I am still waiting to discover a dead body hidden in his garden or a massive gambling problem 😁.
He is still bringing me flowers and buying me my favourite chocolates and goes above and beyond to make sure I am comfortable in every way possible. He drove for an hour to pick me up just so I didn't have to take a taxi when I dropped my car off to a garage. Something has to be wrong with this man, surely....
Ok, there were a couple of lapses in a showering department which I do need to raise gently if it happens again. Any ideas how to approach this without hurting his feelings or making him feel self-conscious?

@BoxOfCats I wonder if sex lessons is a thing!

@Eesha don't rush it - take some time xxx

@Catza having had this issue (among many) with MrX I can say that neither I nor his sister had any impact. I hope you can xxx

Haha, it totally should be!

That sounds really lovely!

Hmmm showering department? As in not thorough enough / frequent enough? I’ve had to have this conversation with someone before; there was short term improvement but ultimately it didn’t really resolve itself! But I did have to be quite blunt and just say “This is a bit awkward but when you’re showering I think you’re perhaps not being thorough enough. I really like you so I wanted to make sure I said something so that you could do something about it, I hope that’s OK.” Or something along those lines.

Yes it’s a shame about Mr Charismatic. He’s genuinely quite likeable and lovely otherwise!

It’s good to be picky! 😁

So I have a coffee date with Mr Starship on Monday, which is a public holiday here. Just because there isn’t enough complexity in my life already, haha!

I’m a bit on the fence about whether I think his photos are physically attractive or not, and he’s also a lot shorter than I’d typically go for. But I got nice vibes from what he’d written in his profile, and really nice energy from our chat so far. So I’m giving it a go on the basis that my current dating strategy clearly isn’t working, as I’ve somehow ended up in two situationships with guys who don’t want to commit. Guess there’s no harm….?

Taken me varying amounts of time over my shocking dating career, upto years at times lol - you really notice if you’re on OLD and you see Bruce Springsteen and still swipe left lol (actually, if he were really on there I would never swipe left ha)

I’ve been there a few times over the years though and it gets to be a habit to not bother - and sometimes it may be worth taking the plunge, trying a few swipes and maybe a date?

Otherwise one day you will realise you’re interested all over again but really for now maybe just enjoy an OLD free zone just for you and doing your nice things.

Never any harm in giving it a shot.

It can also be surprising what we find attractive in person sometimes so I wouldn’t let that put you off at all.

Neither Mr Tree nor Mr Not for Me were my normal physical types - didn’t take that long for Mr Tree to convert me haha, but when I gave Mr Not for Me a second shot I was like ‘oh dear shouldn’t have’ - I know how shallow that sounds and I’m aware there’s slow burning things where you wake up one day and it’s amazing.

Anyway, hopefully you’ll have a nice date whatever -and anything good will be an additional nice surprise- I say this to myself too, but I’ll own that I’m not sure it always is that nice and simple lol.

Oh this is lovely to read.

I’ve heard it said that you can train them with treats (yes, like dogs lol) - so when he has showered be a bit more effusive and say how nice he smells, or looks, or how much you fancy him straight from the shower? I’m not sure how well I could do this with a straight face, but you’re probably a lot nicer than I!

My daughter has a teen son and resorted to ‘ugh you stink, get in the shower’ but it’s probably different for mothers!

Well, it's probably more of a transient issue. He showers daily and is competent at it. It's just a couple of weeks ago he unexpectedly decided to drop by my place after a long journey from somewhere and when we went to bed that night, I realised that he didn't do a customary "rinse" of his bits before bed. And on another occasion I stayed over at the weekend and we ended up having sex on Sunday afternoon having done a bit of gardening and before either of us had a chance to shower .. It only happened twice in three months but I wouldn't want to repeat the same experience 🙀

Sounds like you are going to get hurt tbh. This went on for three years with me and this man hasn’t changed at all

I would have agreed ten years ago but now I really feel like I never again want to tell a grown adult they need to shower.

In fact I said same to MrX but nothing changed.