Page 38 | The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

Nosdacariad · 2026-04-24T11:32:32+00:00

The Rules: -The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin -Do not invest emotionally too soon -It’s all BS until it actually happens -Trust your gut instinct -People vanishing, lying &amp; being generally weird is not your fault -Know your worth -If it's not fun, stop -Loo update is mandatory -No dating the thread -Treat others as you'd like to be treated -Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with -The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future - If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?! -OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ilovelurchers · Today 07:42

ForRedShark · Yesterday 23:45

Hi everyone and thanks to those who offered their thoughts about 3 pages back. I have looked at some local counselling / therapist services, I am thinking of how to approach them for help other than saying to them " I cant get a date "

@Ilovelurchers , its a shame he wasnt willing to put any effort in as 25 miles isnt that far if youd met halfway. I would easily drive that. He must have had a nice photo or else you wouldnt have wanted to meet him im guessing?

Ive had no matches on the apps the past 2 weeks. Id love to put a good shirt on this weekend and go on a nice dinner date. Its my own fault as i cancelled on that last date due to fear and insecurity.

What type of build and height makes you swipe left?

To be honest, it wasn't particularly about his photos (they were ok) - much more than we seemed to have stuff in common and I had found his messages quite interesting up to then. I definitely judge more by messages than by photos, as often photos can be quite misrepresentative anyway.....

OneShyQuail · Today 07:44

ForRedShark · Yesterday 23:45

Hi everyone and thanks to those who offered their thoughts about 3 pages back. I have looked at some local counselling / therapist services, I am thinking of how to approach them for help other than saying to them " I cant get a date "

@Ilovelurchers , its a shame he wasnt willing to put any effort in as 25 miles isnt that far if youd met halfway. I would easily drive that. He must have had a nice photo or else you wouldnt have wanted to meet him im guessing?

Ive had no matches on the apps the past 2 weeks. Id love to put a good shirt on this weekend and go on a nice dinner date. Its my own fault as i cancelled on that last date due to fear and insecurity.

What type of build and height makes you swipe left?

You dont need help getting a date, you need therapy to work on yourself, your self esteem, confidence, boundaries and fixed attitudes towards women like the drinking thing.

You could also do with some better listening skills dude....at least 5 of us told you that height and build and weight aren't all where its at 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ yet still you persist!

OneShyQuail · Today 07:46

Polly1979 · Today 05:53

Has anyone ever been on a date with someone who completely misrepresented themselves? I’m still processing my date with Noodles last week and it’s made me feel really unsettled.

I’d actually been excited to go on this date, as in the messages he’d seemed really lovely and intelligent, genuinely interested in me and we had loads in common. He also said he had quite an impressive and interesting job.

However things on the date were definitely off. Firstly he followed me the whole 10 minute walk from the station to the pub without messaging to say ‘I think I’m behind you’ even though he later admitted he spotted me right away at the station.

He was quite intense on the date asking straight away what I was looking for when I’d barely sat down. As he had a few drinks, a few details slipped out that didn’t fit the timeline of what he’d previously told me at all and he said some things completely contradicted what he’d previously said. His family history consisted of a series of tragic events.

He talked about his job and overshared which would have probably been a sackable offence if that was his real job (think sharing confidential information). Prior to the date I said I prefer not to message too much once a date is agreed and he’d said he was the same (despite messaging a lot prior to that) but on the date referred to this a couple of times like I was unreasonable. When I talked about one of our shared hobbies and asked questions he got defensive.

I now realise that the lovely man who seemed a good match for me doesn’t exist. The questions and interest in me was information harvesting, the shared hobbies were mirroring and the chats were full of outright lies. I have blocked and reported but feel a bit sick to have been taken in like this.

Oh geeezus. Bad vibes all over this.
It wasnt you sweet.
Sorry you experienced this. Hope you can distract yourself with some lovely things to do over bank holiday weekend x

Ilovelurchers · Today 07:51

Polly1979 · Today 05:53

Has anyone ever been on a date with someone who completely misrepresented themselves? I’m still processing my date with Noodles last week and it’s made me feel really unsettled.

I’d actually been excited to go on this date, as in the messages he’d seemed really lovely and intelligent, genuinely interested in me and we had loads in common. He also said he had quite an impressive and interesting job.

However things on the date were definitely off. Firstly he followed me the whole 10 minute walk from the station to the pub without messaging to say ‘I think I’m behind you’ even though he later admitted he spotted me right away at the station.

He was quite intense on the date asking straight away what I was looking for when I’d barely sat down. As he had a few drinks, a few details slipped out that didn’t fit the timeline of what he’d previously told me at all and he said some things completely contradicted what he’d previously said. His family history consisted of a series of tragic events.

He talked about his job and overshared which would have probably been a sackable offence if that was his real job (think sharing confidential information). Prior to the date I said I prefer not to message too much once a date is agreed and he’d said he was the same (despite messaging a lot prior to that) but on the date referred to this a couple of times like I was unreasonable. When I talked about one of our shared hobbies and asked questions he got defensive.

I now realise that the lovely man who seemed a good match for me doesn’t exist. The questions and interest in me was information harvesting, the shared hobbies were mirroring and the chats were full of outright lies. I have blocked and reported but feel a bit sick to have been taken in like this.

This sounds horrible, and I am not surprised you still feel troubled by it. And no, fortunately I don't think I have ever had an experience quite like this?

I definitely have had dates (one recently - Mr Radiators) where the guy misrepresents himself as interested in a relationship then turns out to be solely interested in sex - but not all of the other deceit you mention - really unsettling!

All I can say is, thank God you spotted it as quickly as you did, and have protected yourself from this creep!

CleanShirt · Today 08:33

I had the BEST first date with Mr Mullet and I really like him so obviously I can never see him again 🤣

empirebiscuits12 · Today 09:24

@Polly1979 just echoing what others have said, this is horrible and very unsettling particularly the walk from the station. However you must give yourself credit for recognising this quickly!

@CleanShirt you must tell us more!

MsJinks · Today 09:46

CleanShirt · Today 08:33

I had the BEST first date with Mr Mullet and I really like him so obviously I can never see him again 🤣

ooh - we need more! And why you can’t see him again - silly - expect with the best first date vibe it was actually the same for both of you!

duckingclueless · Today 09:58

MsJinks · Today 05:51

Mr Holiday Horns! This is inventive and has me wondering lol.

The timing - maybe when he’s finished daily life and is winding down rather than when he’s bored I’d say potentially? I used to do early doors or later checks around the main bit of my day - but sometimes checked when I sat down from life - last time though only messaging back at one point in the day as otherwise for me it could get too much - that is obviously personal but others could be similar perhaps.

I think maybe the content of the messages may be more telling - how do you find those?

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Sorry. Mr Holiday Homes. Chat is really good and feels real. Just doesn’t look like he’s going to push to meet before I’m away for a month. A halfway point has been mentioned. I’ve had quite a few chats now but no bloody date. So frustrating.

duckingclueless · Today 10:04

@Polly1979 that sounds very uncomfortable. 💐
This is why I’d rather meet IRL as soon as possible. To avoid wasting time on people who really aren’t genuine. 😤
@CleanShirt definitely need to hear more!

BellaBlackberry83 · Today 18:57

Well, guy I had good preliminary messages with has just ghosted and unmatched.

Obviously I am left wondering what I did wrong (even though I know the rules!)

Having a bit of a cry. Not over him, but just in a wider "why is this so hard" kind of way. Is it worth taking a break? I get such FOMO and worry that my dream man is just a swipe away.

BellaBlackberry83 · Today 18:59

I am really sorry for your experience too, @Polly1979. What is wrong with these men!