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Original poster

The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

956 replies

Nosdacariad · 24/04/2026 12:32

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

  • If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 21/05/2026 07:42

ForRedShark · 20/05/2026 23:45

Hi everyone and thanks to those who offered their thoughts about 3 pages back. I have looked at some local counselling / therapist services, I am thinking of how to approach them for help other than saying to them " I cant get a date "

@Ilovelurchers , its a shame he wasnt willing to put any effort in as 25 miles isnt that far if youd met halfway. I would easily drive that. He must have had a nice photo or else you wouldnt have wanted to meet him im guessing?

Ive had no matches on the apps the past 2 weeks. Id love to put a good shirt on this weekend and go on a nice dinner date. Its my own fault as i cancelled on that last date due to fear and insecurity.

What type of build and height makes you swipe left?

To be honest, it wasn't particularly about his photos (they were ok) - much more than we seemed to have stuff in common and I had found his messages quite interesting up to then. I definitely judge more by messages than by photos, as often photos can be quite misrepresentative anyway.....

OneShyQuail · 21/05/2026 07:44

ForRedShark · 20/05/2026 23:45

Hi everyone and thanks to those who offered their thoughts about 3 pages back. I have looked at some local counselling / therapist services, I am thinking of how to approach them for help other than saying to them " I cant get a date "

@Ilovelurchers , its a shame he wasnt willing to put any effort in as 25 miles isnt that far if youd met halfway. I would easily drive that. He must have had a nice photo or else you wouldnt have wanted to meet him im guessing?

Ive had no matches on the apps the past 2 weeks. Id love to put a good shirt on this weekend and go on a nice dinner date. Its my own fault as i cancelled on that last date due to fear and insecurity.

What type of build and height makes you swipe left?

You dont need help getting a date, you need therapy to work on yourself, your self esteem, confidence, boundaries and fixed attitudes towards women like the drinking thing.

You could also do with some better listening skills dude....at least 5 of us told you that height and build and weight aren't all where its at 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ yet still you persist!

OneShyQuail · 21/05/2026 07:46

Polly1979 · 21/05/2026 05:53

Has anyone ever been on a date with someone who completely misrepresented themselves? I’m still processing my date with Noodles last week and it’s made me feel really unsettled.

I’d actually been excited to go on this date, as in the messages he’d seemed really lovely and intelligent, genuinely interested in me and we had loads in common. He also said he had quite an impressive and interesting job.

However things on the date were definitely off. Firstly he followed me the whole 10 minute walk from the station to the pub without messaging to say ‘I think I’m behind you’ even though he later admitted he spotted me right away at the station.

He was quite intense on the date asking straight away what I was looking for when I’d barely sat down. As he had a few drinks, a few details slipped out that didn’t fit the timeline of what he’d previously told me at all and he said some things completely contradicted what he’d previously said. His family history consisted of a series of tragic events.

He talked about his job and overshared which would have probably been a sackable offence if that was his real job (think sharing confidential information). Prior to the date I said I prefer not to message too much once a date is agreed and he’d said he was the same (despite messaging a lot prior to that) but on the date referred to this a couple of times like I was unreasonable. When I talked about one of our shared hobbies and asked questions he got defensive.

I now realise that the lovely man who seemed a good match for me doesn’t exist. The questions and interest in me was information harvesting, the shared hobbies were mirroring and the chats were full of outright lies. I have blocked and reported but feel a bit sick to have been taken in like this.

Oh geeezus. Bad vibes all over this.
It wasnt you sweet.
Sorry you experienced this. Hope you can distract yourself with some lovely things to do over bank holiday weekend x

Ilovelurchers · 21/05/2026 07:51

Polly1979 · 21/05/2026 05:53

Has anyone ever been on a date with someone who completely misrepresented themselves? I’m still processing my date with Noodles last week and it’s made me feel really unsettled.

I’d actually been excited to go on this date, as in the messages he’d seemed really lovely and intelligent, genuinely interested in me and we had loads in common. He also said he had quite an impressive and interesting job.

However things on the date were definitely off. Firstly he followed me the whole 10 minute walk from the station to the pub without messaging to say ‘I think I’m behind you’ even though he later admitted he spotted me right away at the station.

He was quite intense on the date asking straight away what I was looking for when I’d barely sat down. As he had a few drinks, a few details slipped out that didn’t fit the timeline of what he’d previously told me at all and he said some things completely contradicted what he’d previously said. His family history consisted of a series of tragic events.

He talked about his job and overshared which would have probably been a sackable offence if that was his real job (think sharing confidential information). Prior to the date I said I prefer not to message too much once a date is agreed and he’d said he was the same (despite messaging a lot prior to that) but on the date referred to this a couple of times like I was unreasonable. When I talked about one of our shared hobbies and asked questions he got defensive.

I now realise that the lovely man who seemed a good match for me doesn’t exist. The questions and interest in me was information harvesting, the shared hobbies were mirroring and the chats were full of outright lies. I have blocked and reported but feel a bit sick to have been taken in like this.

This sounds horrible, and I am not surprised you still feel troubled by it. And no, fortunately I don't think I have ever had an experience quite like this?

I definitely have had dates (one recently - Mr Radiators) where the guy misrepresents himself as interested in a relationship then turns out to be solely interested in sex - but not all of the other deceit you mention - really unsettling!

All I can say is, thank God you spotted it as quickly as you did, and have protected yourself from this creep!

CleanShirt · 21/05/2026 08:33

I had the BEST first date with Mr Mullet and I really like him so obviously I can never see him again 🤣

empirebiscuits12 · 21/05/2026 09:24

@Polly1979 just echoing what others have said, this is horrible and very unsettling particularly the walk from the station. However you must give yourself credit for recognising this quickly!

@CleanShirt you must tell us more!

MsJinks · 21/05/2026 09:46

CleanShirt · 21/05/2026 08:33

I had the BEST first date with Mr Mullet and I really like him so obviously I can never see him again 🤣

ooh - we need more! And why you can’t see him again - silly - expect with the best first date vibe it was actually the same for both of you!

duckingclueless · 21/05/2026 09:58

MsJinks · 21/05/2026 05:51

Mr Holiday Horns! This is inventive and has me wondering lol.

The timing - maybe when he’s finished daily life and is winding down rather than when he’s bored I’d say potentially? I used to do early doors or later checks around the main bit of my day - but sometimes checked when I sat down from life - last time though only messaging back at one point in the day as otherwise for me it could get too much - that is obviously personal but others could be similar perhaps.

I think maybe the content of the messages may be more telling - how do you find those?

Show quote history

Sorry. Mr Holiday Homes. Chat is really good and feels real. Just doesn’t look like he’s going to push to meet before I’m away for a month. A halfway point has been mentioned. I’ve had quite a few chats now but no bloody date. So frustrating.

duckingclueless · 21/05/2026 10:04

@Polly1979 that sounds very uncomfortable. 💐
This is why I’d rather meet IRL as soon as possible. To avoid wasting time on people who really aren’t genuine. 😤
@CleanShirt definitely need to hear more!

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 18:57

Well, guy I had good preliminary messages with has just ghosted and unmatched.

Obviously I am left wondering what I did wrong (even though I know the rules!)

Having a bit of a cry. Not over him, but just in a wider "why is this so hard" kind of way. Is it worth taking a break? I get such FOMO and worry that my dream man is just a swipe away.

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 18:59

I am really sorry for your experience too, @Polly1979. What is wrong with these men!

duckingclueless · 21/05/2026 19:08

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 18:57

Well, guy I had good preliminary messages with has just ghosted and unmatched.

Obviously I am left wondering what I did wrong (even though I know the rules!)

Having a bit of a cry. Not over him, but just in a wider "why is this so hard" kind of way. Is it worth taking a break? I get such FOMO and worry that my dream man is just a swipe away.

Happens to me. Yet to have a single proper date conversion. But am incognito now because of travel plans. I have one ongoing chat but it’s turning into pen pals (Mr holiday homes). What are the rules???

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 19:14

God knows. Personally I like to turn it into a date (or even a phone / video call) pretty quickly. I am not good at constant texting.

ElleintheWoods · 21/05/2026 19:29

ForRedShark · 20/05/2026 23:45

Hi everyone and thanks to those who offered their thoughts about 3 pages back. I have looked at some local counselling / therapist services, I am thinking of how to approach them for help other than saying to them " I cant get a date "

@Ilovelurchers , its a shame he wasnt willing to put any effort in as 25 miles isnt that far if youd met halfway. I would easily drive that. He must have had a nice photo or else you wouldnt have wanted to meet him im guessing?

Ive had no matches on the apps the past 2 weeks. Id love to put a good shirt on this weekend and go on a nice dinner date. Its my own fault as i cancelled on that last date due to fear and insecurity.

What type of build and height makes you swipe left?

Re counselling, why not just be honest? It's an expensive service so skirting around the issue may not get you the tools and discussions you really want. It's probably one of the few spaces where you can be yourself.

Re build and height, I was going to say it's irrelevant, but I wouldn't be completely truthful. I'm 5ft 7, I wouldn't like to date anyone taller than 5ft 11, that's just too tall for me - when I was in the swiping game, I had that set as max height. Generally I always feel the pull towards guys around my height, I like the eye contact and all kinds of logistics are much easier, but naturally i always gravitate to them anyway.

I also would swipe left on someone morbidly obese. A little bit tabby is perfectly fine and sexy, but I live a very healthy lifestyle, i.e. clean diet, no alcohol etc, not massively interested in eating and drinking, don't really do sofa + TV, very interested in high fashion etc. So I don't think we'd overlap enough.

ElleintheWoods · 21/05/2026 19:33

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 19:14

God knows. Personally I like to turn it into a date (or even a phone / video call) pretty quickly. I am not good at constant texting.

I'm the opposite, if I am meeting a stranger, I really want to know them a bit better and feel like I do know them a bit, before meeting up.

Then again written communication is generally super important for me in a relationship. My main filter for dating or not dating someone is how they write. A guy can easily charm my pants off with a vocabulary-rich paragraph making a passionate and knowledgeable point. In fact, I'd love to date a writer 🤓

Ilovelurchers · 21/05/2026 19:34

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 18:57

Well, guy I had good preliminary messages with has just ghosted and unmatched.

Obviously I am left wondering what I did wrong (even though I know the rules!)

Having a bit of a cry. Not over him, but just in a wider "why is this so hard" kind of way. Is it worth taking a break? I get such FOMO and worry that my dream man is just a swipe away.

This happens to me quite a lot, and it's got to the point where I just almost expect it now, so it's actually a surprise if it actually progresses to a date!

Might be worth taking a break if it's getting you down. OLD is a shitty process to be honest. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone! X

BoxOfCats · 21/05/2026 19:35

@CleanShirt Haha awwww! Have you heard from him since? Any plans to meet again?

CleanShirt · 21/05/2026 19:40

BoxOfCats · 21/05/2026 19:35

@CleanShirt Haha awwww! Have you heard from him since? Any plans to meet again?

Yep heard from him a fair bit today and I think we're going to try to meet on Sunday!

Ilovelurchers · 21/05/2026 19:45

I'm feeling pretty fed up with the whole shit-show myself to be honest.

Just did a big mega-swipe. Matched with five.

Three of these responded to my messages (which is better than usual to be fair!). But of these:
A) incredibly young and hot and clearly just looking for an NSA shag. Which while it would be fun, is not what I want, and if I did I could get it from my FWB without the stress of getting used to sex with a new person.
B) does the same job as me and seems interesting, but I looked again at his pics and just don't think I could fancy him.....
C) has sent me some utter gibberish about how his job would be a mystery to me because the job title is very long - presumably he thinks I wouldn't understand it, being a woman? What fresh INCEL Hell is this?

Thank God I still have the promise of my date with Mr Beach next week. But he could of course block and dusappear at any time, and I am trying to keep myself in a constant state of readiness for this......

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 19:52

I hope things go well with Mr Beach, @Ilovelurchers. I once had someone describe my hobby as "very masculine". The INCELs are everywhere...

Original poster
Nosdacariad · 21/05/2026 20:37

Ilovelurchers · 20/05/2026 23:20

Further to my last post, I've told Guitar that i think it's best we leave things here, as he already has reservations. Feel good about that decision as it feels like I am setting my standards high as to how I would like any potential date to make me feel! So again, thank you all.

And Mr Beach (who has sent several nice messages over the last few days) just now sent a nice message expressing that he is looking forward to our date next week, which has reassured me that there are still fellas out there capable of acting like a date is a bit of an exciting thing and a privilege!

Well done 🏖

OP posts:
OP posts:
Kaltenzahn · 21/05/2026 21:08

BellaBlackberry83 · 21/05/2026 19:52

I hope things go well with Mr Beach, @Ilovelurchers. I once had someone describe my hobby as "very masculine". The INCELs are everywhere...

Haha! I do find fragile masculinity quite funny, although it's probably a case of "If you don't laugh you'll cry". I once had a chap ask me if I would consider leaving my job as it didn't fit with his idea of gender roles. It was only a second date! Shockingly there wasn't a third date.

duckingclueless · 22/05/2026 01:12

Another great night messaging Mr Holiday Homes. BUT NO CHAT ABOUT A FUCKING DATE!!! I’ve prompted on previous chats. Not much more I can do. He is growing on me though. I quite like him.

coolpattern · 22/05/2026 07:16

duckingclueless · 22/05/2026 01:12

Another great night messaging Mr Holiday Homes. BUT NO CHAT ABOUT A FUCKING DATE!!! I’ve prompted on previous chats. Not much more I can do. He is growing on me though. I quite like him.

Awww, just ask him if he’d like to meet for a coffee over the weekend? His reply will tell you what you need to know x

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