The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

There was little more to the chat than this. Omitted because of location.

Mr Mullet has booked a restaurant for tomorrow evening. Never have I ever had dinner on a first date. I am so nervous now!

I'm on date 1 on Friday night. Nice restaurant.

I've already planned my entire outfit!

Good luck with yours xx

I'm very much a jeans and converse person which doesn't help 🤣

Everyone has their own style! I'm a strong believer in "if you know, you know".

Good luck! Update us afterwards!

Yes, same. I’m rarely attracted but when I am then properly!

I’m in a weird place. I do want to meet someone (really not liking waking up alone atm and solo plans) but see a problem with everyone almost immediately. For example, the other day I saw a very attractive guy in a car park and exchanged looks, then saw him walk towards a white van and went ‘a tradesman? I’ve tried that type before and it’d never work between us’. I’m able to write almost any guy off in a flash

It’s not necessarily looks related for me, though it can be.

I find that I judge people very quickly and presume a whole lot about them without giving them even 60 seconds of my time to actually get to know them.

For example, American accents. I hear it and I’m just ‘neeeext!’

The difference is I’m able to find fault with everyone.

Probably some weird self preservation mechanism that’s suddenly activated

It’s very hard to describe as anything other than a vibe! There has to be mutual eye contact and that ‘I see you’ moment.

I probably pay a little attention to how they’re dressed - round here a lot of guys dress very sporty/ streetwear, and I hate that, so when someone is dressed a little smarter, but not too snazzy, my radar will pick that up.

Generally it’s all body language, eye contact and general demeanour though. Coming across ‘open’ is the best I can describe it.

It does help if they have slightly unusual features, eg ethnic (of any ethnicity, eg very obviously Irish, or Ghanaian, or Italian), I don’t tend to notice widespread features much. So unusual eyes etc will help. How they carry themselves is very important

Ugh - my worst date outcome - well not quite, but you know what I mean! It really does just make me die a little inside.

Obviously, that’s personal and some love it - I feel it’s at the very best boring and a chore and at worst a bit OTT and wandering towards control.

I’m not on Hinge so couldn’t have ignored this profile- did you? lol

I do judge quickly myself - not them as a person, but the can I go there bit. And it isn’t really looks despite what I said re body shape etc - but something random gives the yes/no.

I’ve done this to an extent throughout my life I think - though I’m probably faster and more judgy now even though my pond is smaller lol - saying that you’d maybe be surprised then who I decided I could go there then ha!

I can also lose interest so fast - one in my very younger years, his jeans in maybe 5th date just ‘nooooo’! I agree re accent for example and will raise you texts - sometimes for quite minor and judgy stuff - quiet instead of quite used to grind my gears eg 🙈 - often your/you’re.

It’s like something random grabs me for the unlucky guys lol, but something random can equally put me off and both are hard to pinpoint.

There are less and less on OLD I’d bother with - I’m very surprised I got to meet 2 separate guys - good conversation I guess but I swipe left, delete conversations quickly for limited reasons and have few fish left to play with - it’s only seeming ok this time round as Mr Tree grabbed me pretty fast on meeting. The Mr Not for Me I tried a 2nd date in the spirit of things are different at 60 - I knew I shouldn’t have the second I laid eyes on him.

It’s probably just a time/numbers game but I would stick to your preferences anyhow - you are the prize.

@ElleintheWoods- forgot to add that perhaps you are self protecting to an extent with fast write off - or just not ready to date right now.

I’ve viewed OLD on and off over the last year or so and just not got anywhere as they were all ‘dire’ - I was surprised to be starting to chat at the most recent view and ended up with conversations and 2 different dates - I can only really put that down to my headset at the points I was looking - it’s doubtful that 7 months prior there was no one at all I could talk to whilst recently there were quite a few more.

Perhaps interest is flattened by your body/brain for a reason now but it will come back.

Builder has messaged asking if we can reschedule our date tonight, because he has to go and collect a puppy for someone. He even sent a picture of the puppy? (It is really cute to be fair ....)

He sort of left it to me - if I said no he would go on our date instead (and the puppy would presumably languish in puppy Hell forever .....)

So obviously I said it was fine. Any chance that this story is true? I always tend to believe people, but .....

Ooh - @CleanShirtand @SaraOnSaturday- both on a dinner date then - this is exciting- could you be at the same restaurant ha?!

I got thrown into a food date without thinking earlier this year - think being 60 I don’t care so much - I’ve had many messy food disasters that used to put me off! I think actually it saves staring wondering what to say and it saves beer goggles by lining the stomach - so perhaps a good idea all round!

Best of luck both - look forward to the updates.

Ooh I don't know, Ilovelurchers. What are the chances that he's the only person who can do this, & that it (ideally) needs to be tonight? Could be true. Difficult one!

MsJinks No I didn't go there!

CleanShirt Good luck for tonight!

A puppy is a proper heart strings tugger isn’t it! Does he know this?

If it’s date one - I think it is? I’d probably let the truth of it go - I’m not sure, and probably you can’t be at this point either. But any reason may be ok as you just haven’t met yet.

Maybe reduce expectations and definitely let him organise a different date without any input though.

It is rubbish when you’re expecting a date though - or just to go out that night. Can you do something else nice - bearing in mind an actual date with him might not have been good anyway lol.

It’s the cab light theory from Miranda in SATC! If your cab light is off, you might think you want to find someone, but subconsciously you will never be committing/ always rejecting. If your cab light is on, you’re actually open to meeting someone. I definitely dated for 2/3 years with my cab light off!

Oooh exciting! What are you wearing?

Well done him for organising 😍

Well, Planes and I are a couple 😁

Congratulations! How did it happen?

@CleanShirt @SaraOnSaturday good luck for the dinner dates! Make sure you come back and update us on here!

Nosdacariad Yay!

Woohoo 🙌- so pleased for you both, as he is one lucky guy.

So tell us more - how did it happen?

I love this!! Xx

@Nosdacariad Awwww congrats!!! 🙌