Would the worst thing be if the Police arrested him? Would that not be a chance to get out?
I called the Police on my partner. They didn’t arrest him. He ended up getting carted to hospital and was release that night. I had the option for an immediate restraining order which I didn’t obtain.
At the time I contacted every single member of his family and told them what was going on. They believed me.
I’m still here. There’s a severe housing crisis and I am a SAHM. I also have a legal background in family law and know that he would get partial custody.
It sounds like your husband has a personality disorder. His behaviour is that of an abuser and calling him neurodivergent is not a reason or excuse.
The Police told me that there usually is mental health issues in instances of domestic violence.
Something I did do was start writing the abuse down. The time it happened, what precipitated it, what I said and did, what he said and did and where we physically located. I have kept these notes on my phone. If possible I recorded the abuse.
A lot of the abuse was taking place in the car and one time I started recording in the car and my phone connected to the car’s Bluetooth and showed that I was recording.
The reason I kept evidence was so that I could use it for the Affidavit for ex parte custody. This would mean I could file for emergency custody. The evidence was also for permanent custody orders.
Leaving is the most dangerous time for you. So is pregnancy and immediately after child birth.
You need a plan to get away from him.
Years ago I met a woman who was being abused by her husband. She was a nurse and told me she was so broken by the abuse she started taking anti-depressants. One morning she realised that she wasn’t the problem and started putting her medication in his cereal. She said it absolutely worked. He would come home from work and not physically attack her and described to her how calm he had been at work.
I don’t advocate doing what she did - especially the drug she chose. Antidepressants often take months to work and sometimes people can have severe side effects.
In my case I pushed for my partner to be medicated and it has significantly changed his behaviour. The thing is he needs to take medication for the rest of his life. I insisted he see a psychiatrist and his GP. The GP was more help than the psychiatrist.