Never want to live with a man again?

[RosesAreRoses]

Im not even dating yet so this is a bit silly but I was talking about this with some people and I basically said I would never ever live with a man, I have children but even if I didn’t I would never move in with a man or have a man move in with me ever again. But according to people I was talking to this would be a deal breaker for them and they wouldn’t want to date someone who never wanted to live together? Im obviously not going to change my mind on this but does anyone else never intend to live with a man ever again? I just couldn’t live with a man again. Does anyone else feel this way?

Yes, being single is very very expensive. You basically pay double for everything, everywhere you go.

The bit that came as the biggest shock was the realisations that, when I became single and increased my income, my "household" costs stayed much the same, total income was reduced, but tax was increased.

I love my husband very much and god forbid anything happens to him. But I would never live with a bloke again. I’d rather have my Mum move in.

I think it probably depends a lot on your past, lived experiences. I'm now nearly 50 and have never lived alone. The first 20 years of my life growing up I watched my mum getting beaten up by my dad then my stepdad. I only ever knew controlling men so my bar was low.

My DH is lovely but obviously isn't perfect and I am increasingly happy in my own company. I would never ever RISK living with another man, one reason being the risk of him being controlling or violent. I'd rather struggle financially. I'm old and wise enough now to know it's not worth the risk.

My mum didn't go into these relationships knowing they were horrible violent men. She was trapped for a long time 😢

I have a lovely DH but I really enjoy time alone when he goes away and if he were not around I would certainly not consider living with a man again.

Honestly think I would rather do the odd bit of Airbnb or have a lodger or summer students if I had the space and it was more about money - yes it means someone ‘in’ the space at times but they aren’t controlling your actions or money etc etc

I see the point about it being financially easier but I can see the benefit of being completely in charge of my own budget. I’d probably save by eating less meat, wouldn’t need to keep the fridge stocked with beer, could cut back on Sky Sports and other such subscriptions, I’d be happy with an old banger as I don’t give a shit what brand of car we have unlike DH.

Yeah, good idea. I’d get a lodger that has their own self contained area so we would have our own space.

That’s very true too.

I wish the council tax was a 50% discount though. Annoys me that it’s only a 25% one.

Yes, but your food budget is minute compared to the cost of run of running a house. And paying for a whole hotel room yourself every time you go away or single supplements. You can't even benefit from 241 deals for meals or attractions. Every journey the whole cost is on you, not shared. Every bit of DIY needs to be funded entirely from your income, and you have to pay for more help too, simply because some jobs need two pairs of hands, even if you're multiskilled. I had to pay an extra £40 to have them collect my car for service whereas previously, we'd have taken two cars and DH would give me a lift back etc etc.

It's still, Imo, preferable to live alone, but there are definitely disadvantages too, and they're not obvious until you've done it.

You said your DH isn't one of the bad ones, but from what you went on to describe, it sounds like he is..

Actually I think I'd like some mid week on line fun, then Friday out for dinner and Saturday in with a take away and a movie. As long as they leave in the morning. Apart from Sunday, I don't mind going out for breakfast. Apart from that they can stay home at their place.

I'm still with the DC dad ,but if I wasn't
Absolutely I would never live with or date a male again
I had no idea of the domestic drudge coming my way after kids and a DH.
Everything to do with the DC and house was suddenly my responsibility.
Yes I know not all men ,yadda yadda ...but I thought I'd picked a good one ,he's great with the kids ..I could sing his praises in many ways
But cooking , cleaning,and kids just automatically fell to me ,and by the time I realised/ woke up ..to late
If I knew then what I knew now ,I would of lived alone and been single my whole life

i’m divorced and will never live with a man again. I’d like a relationship but not a live in one. I will not blend families. I want my children to always feel like they are welcome and can come over any time, even when they are adults and have moved out. That just wouldn’t happen in the same way if I was living with someone else.

it frustrates me immensely how expensive it is to be single and how much society revolves around the standard model of couples. Someone who has been with a partner for a long time will not truly understand this. I am constantly told that I will find the “man of my dreams” and have another baby, even though I’ve always been clear I don’t want more kids. That answer is only acceptable when you are still with the father of your kids, apparently.

Nope, am currently happily married but if I wasn’t for some reason, I’d never live with another man.

Im all for a bit of companionship but id want no one else’s stuff in my space. No drawer, no spare toothbrush, nope, keep it all at your own place.

I’ve been single 6 years now and can not imagine the thought of someone else living in my home. Imagine having a shit day at work, coming home and someone wants to talk to you!!!

Same! Are we married to the same man??

I’d be so happy to live on light/ veggie things. Salads, roasted veggies with feta, chickpeas etc.

I never intended to date when I left my xh, but am now on the second relationship since then with s very lovely man. Luckily he lives about a mile from me and we have lots of mutual friends so happy to be in a relationship that we both want to be permanent, but living apart -no need to actually move i together.

I feel that way too! Just the thought of their hairy grossness in my bed 🤢

I dont think i could do it again, i like the sound of together living apart though, i may consider that!!!

Im currently going through divorce no.2 from them man who was supposed to be better than the first. The first one switched up when we had kids, left everything to me and then cheated and left when our son was 1. I stayed single just me and the 2 kids for 5 years til.....
Husband no2, 10 years younger than me, swore up and down he wanted a serious relationship, was happy to be with me knowing I had 2 kids, was absolutely amazing with them (but now I see that that was because they went to their dads every other week, away with grandparents and dad for holidays so it was just me and him a lot!) We got married, he wanted to be married before we had a baby, we had discussed it and were both happy with having one and just one....
Our son is almost 6 and he walked out 3 days before xmas last year saying im a mother not a wife! He worked, and I dont deny he worked very hard, provided for us, I worked part time on and off (off when I had an injury that meant I couldnt work and he told me to quit my job!) But everything was left to me, cooking, cleaning, getting up in the night with our son, weaning potty training, bathing, school runs, sick days, school holidays and omg the picking up after him, he trailed mess, left wrappers stuffed in the chair he would sit in, didnt know how to put clothes in the wash basket or a wash load on apparently, beard and head hairs all around the sink when he shaved despite saying hed cleaned. The worst was when he left, 18 cans of pop 5 bottles and god knows how many tissues down his side of the bed when he left along with pants and socks!!!

He complained he didnt feel seen, that I never wanted to spend time with him, the usual we didnt have enough sex. So he left. And just today snapped at me cos im going for tea with a friend this evening and asked if he would be ok to call my dad so he can say goodnight to our son as he always does....got told "you do what you want!" From the man who was on call with our child last night getting changed to go out with his friends, come in get changed go out....without the upset of a clingy child who thinks im going to leave too, the whole rigmarole of packing bags with uniform etc for tomorrow.

And yet I still love and miss him! Why!!!!!!!!

I think men tend to benefit more from living-together relationships, as women usually end up doing more housework, life admin and so on.

While it might be easier financially with a partner in theory, my experience of shared finances with my ex-husband wasn't great. I was actually better off on my single wage because I was able to manage my money without him effectively sabotaging us at every turn on two wages.

The risks of living with someone are high and often under-considered.

I can see why younger women might want that in hopes of the lovely idealised nuclear family and raising children. But having had the kids & marriage, the risks outweigh the benefits for me.

I'm content and at peace at home on my own. I have a boyfriend who I have a lot of fun with but no plans to escalate the relationship into living together.

You need to be on your own - don’t put yourself or your kids through any more!

This is pretty much my story too. My ex earned well and we should’ve been very comfortable but he put the bare minimum into our joint account to cover his ’share’ of the bills (he insisted I pay half even though he earned 4 times what I did and my salary barely covered my share of the bills) and then he’d spaff his money on craft beer and tech toys. Once he was gone and I was completely in charge of the finances I actually felt better off.

I don’t have a boyfriend at all, I honestly can’t be bothered, my life is filled with my children, hobbies, and friends, a boyfriend isn’t even on my list of priorities.

I think a lot of women underestimate what a partner spends on stuff that doesn’t matter ‘to them’ - be it a higher end car, insistence on living in certain places, take aways, certain brands of clothes/trainers, nights out, hobbies,totally up to date tech etc - it isn’t always the man who isa bit of a spendthrift I admit but in many women’s relationships who aren’t particularly that way, it often is.

I'm a couple of decades older than you @RosesAreRoses but I get you. I am nearly 60, 2 grown adult DC both around 30 y.o. and I have lived with DH for 36 years. If he dies/leaves I will NEVER live with another man. Indeed I won't ever even date one to be honest. I'm done with men LOL. I will actually never live with ANYone, and will refuse to go into any kind of community living. It leaves me cold and fills me with dread, the thought of being in an 'elderly persons communal home.'

Sod that LOL. I don't even like community groups and activities. Like walking groups. shudder! 😖 I'm a free spirit, and pretty much a lone wolf, and whilst I do like to do things with a friend or DH or one of my DC sometimes, I do half the things in my life on my own. I would rather be alone/live alone in my old age, than have people around me, annoying me and getting in my face LOL!

Indeed, all us singles are subsidising the lifestyles of those cohabiting or married. It is worth it for me though. No more things going wandering, snoring and sniffing, having to watch meh compromise tv, eat meh compromise food, dealing with someone else's mess.

It helps I've been brought up to never be dependent on a man, and choose to not have children as the UK is painfully regressive (like the Netherlands in the 70s).

I am a happy smug single. If a man shows up in my future, he can move closer to me if he wishes (I would never move£ and hang out occasionally but the stay-over limit will be 1-2 nights. If he doesn't like that, tough shit. I match the energy I have seen men put into relationships in the past.