Never want to live with a man again?

[RosesAreRoses]

Im not even dating yet so this is a bit silly but I was talking about this with some people and I basically said I would never ever live with a man, I have children but even if I didn’t I would never move in with a man or have a man move in with me ever again. But according to people I was talking to this would be a deal breaker for them and they wouldn’t want to date someone who never wanted to live together? Im obviously not going to change my mind on this but does anyone else never intend to live with a man ever again? I just couldn’t live with a man again. Does anyone else feel this way?

I think a lot of women feel that way, but a lot of men who are divorced are looking for a nice home and housekeeper to replacement the ones they've lost.

Their attitude might just hint at why they're divorced!

Agree. The only judging is lead by men, because they need to keep marriage and subservience the norm, because it benefits them. Hence single middle aged men being ‘care free bachelors’ and single middle aged women being ‘spinsters’.

I think a lot of women and men feel this way in general. And it is perfectly fine.

That’s good. Maybe I’m projecting a bit (if that’s the right word) and it’s my insecurities. I think the older I get, the less I care about it though.

It’s my observation, I know lots people who can’t function unless they are at least dating someone, they need a partner or they feel inadequate, their self esteem and self worth is completely dependent on whether someone wants them. That’s not an interpretation, it’s the truth.

and as @@iamnotalemon says, we are judged. I’ve been single for over a decade, it’s incomprehensible to a lot of people, men think you must be desperate and expect you to be grateful if they offer to save you from your lonely existence, and women are suspicious that you’re going to try to steal their man. Things are changing, very slowly, but for now, choosing to be single is still something that our society views with suspicion.

Yep this is so true. A lot of men view a wife as an appliance and when it breaks down (leaves) they’ll search for a replacement, like picking up a new Hoover. And they wonder why women like to live alone….

I also will never live with a man again. When I found myself single again five years ago I was getting a LOT of attention from men of my age and older (I was 60 then) and I couldn't then and still can't think of anything worse than living with an 'old man'.

I am not old, of course, I am in the prime of life. And loving being single and having the house to myself.

I lived on my own after I got divorced years ago, and I now live with DP. If anything happened, I also would never live with another man again.

I don't think it stops you dating and I think these days when people have DC's it is much easier to live separately. It doesn't mean you can't have a relationship.

This is very accurate!

I don't think it's a uniquely female perspective tbh. I think lots of people of either gender feel the same way, particularly when out of a long marriage or relationship.

Thank you for your detailed response. It's sad to hear that you feel so judged by others. I know 3 women who live alone - two of them would like to be with someone but are scared of making the effort required. One widow and one divorcee. The third never been married - I'm never been sure about her or her reasons. I don't pry into others' private lives. If they say then fair enough. These are older women though.

I think a lot of intelligent women to be honest just get fed up of everything revolving round the men and their whims, moods, spending habits, choices. There clearly are some men who feel like this about women too but I think more men get more out of marriage and cohabitating when beyond a certain age and it’s the women who tend to want out -

@TheNarcissistsEx I agree totally with your post -

That is what I see, too.

@TheNarcissistsEx

Thats my experience too! I feel like I’ve been unemployed for a long time and having to explain my gaps in my CV when I’m on a date, like I’m in a job interview, like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me for having been single for so long.

Even the bloody animals in Noah’s Ark went two by two 🤣🤣

I am mid 40s now and have a good life. Sure, I’d love to meet someone, but I’m not going to settle for the sake of it. I also think part of me would miss my single life. Who knows.

No I can understand that. It’s probably the sensible ones who have been hurt deciding not to bother! I think modern dating and the apps have caused so many problems.

It's totally inaccurate actually. In my social circle there are 10 single people. 5 F & 5 M a mixture of widows and divorce's. None would live with anyone else.

I feel the same.
I don’t see through the love bombing until it’s too late.
I don’t trust myself to live with anyone again.
I also like doing my own thing but I’m a people pleaser and find myself going with the flow instead of communicating my own needs and then feel irritated that yet again my plans are adjusted to suit him.

Agree 100% with this!
Oh my goodness, the snoring!
That alone is reason to not live together!

Yes, I know the 'any man is better than no man' type of woman too. One lives near to me. Late 30s, 2 DC aged 5 and 7, (with two different fathers who have had fuck-all to do with the children ever.) She has had multiple boyfriends over the past 8 years she has lived in this street. She has every man living with her within 6 weeks of meeting him, and within about 2 months of him moving in, she has the 2 DC calling the men 'daddy.'

None have ever lasted more than 5 months and I feel so sorry for the children. Such a dysfunctional and fractured upbringing they're getting with 2-3 new daddies a year!

Also, you often hear the loud (attention seeking) screaming and hollaring from her, when she's shagging the men, as she obviously wants everyone to know she's getting a fuck.. 🙄 And then when each man leaves her and goes back to his mummy, or goes off with another woman, she posts on Facebook about what cunts men are, and 'how can a man leave his own child' kind of bollocks (often about men who aren't the father of her children, and who she knew for less than 6 months.)

'Bloody man mad she is!' my mother used to say about women like this. If she didn't have her own house, none of these men would look twice at her.

Are you me? Im the same, go along with stuff and then feel irritated -

I'm 58. I was 25 years in a relationship with one man, 20 of those married. It started great, ended badly and I've been single ever since. My kids are grown up. I have a home that is mine outright, a job I love, hobbies and a social life. I have cats, my eldest lives with me for the time being and that is great but I also do perfectly well by myself. Why would I jeopardise that?

See there is that judgement again - it's the intelligent women who get fed up. So it's the stupid ones who get entangled with men ? Why do it?

If this happened to me I’d move into their place but keep my own place as my “office” (I’m self employed) so that it was always available if I wanted a quick out.

Unfortunately I think there are a
lot of us around!
It creeps up and catches you unawares, starts as loving and caring behaviour and suddenly you find you have lost your whole persona and are a shadow of yourself!
I recently read this and it really resonated with me.
Women Who Love Too Much
https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/women-who-love-too-much-book-robin-norwood-9780099482307?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=1424181757&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAIDK7jgZIjpDZ9CWyIF-Bg32W&gclid=CjwKCAjw14zPBhAuEiwAP3-Eb05tD8tzzyAd8Mp91RXz0oDdbKY9y1uY-17aLsOwf6BMfRQM3lgLTRoCBXIQAvD_BwE