Never want to live with a man again?

[RosesAreRoses]

Im not even dating yet so this is a bit silly but I was talking about this with some people and I basically said I would never ever live with a man, I have children but even if I didn’t I would never move in with a man or have a man move in with me ever again. But according to people I was talking to this would be a deal breaker for them and they wouldn’t want to date someone who never wanted to live together? Im obviously not going to change my mind on this but does anyone else never intend to live with a man ever again? I just couldn’t live with a man again. Does anyone else feel this way?

I don't want to live with anyone. I am basically becoming my mother. She spent her life living with parents, husband, then parents again. Finally moved into her own flat in her mid 40s and has now been dating a man for 15+ years who never even spent the night at her place. She goes to his on her days off. I used to find it a bit strange, however... I am now in my 40s, lived in house shares for most of my life, then with my partners in two relationships over the last 10 years. I am about to exchange on a house and I don't want anyone except for my cat in it.
My boyfriend can and does spend a couple of nights a week at my place. And I go over his for a weekend. But I am not planning on living with him any time soon, if ever.

It’s expensive to live alone. But I agree - much more preferable and less work.

I think you will find prospective partners easily Op. In my view most divorced men would prefer a living separate relationship. Especially if children are involved.

I'm happier on my own. Longest relationship was over 10 years, but now I just can't be arsed with it. Post menopausal for two years so my sex life has totally vanished.....🤷

I'd say never say never.

I said exactly the same when I was widowed, and built a very happy and fulfilling single life. Then a man arrived in my life most unexpectedly.

ATM I still don't want to live with him, but our lives are becoming more and more entwined, and there are times when the emotional and practical support of a live in partner becomes appealing.

Things, including how you feel over something you were certain about, can definitely change.

Same. Never. My house is my sanctuary. I happily share it with my children, and certain friends, and family, are welcome to visit, but I’ll never have another live-in partner.

We are not alone feeling like this. There’s a significant cohort of women of 40+ who are completely done with being a man-child’s surrogate mother.

I’m never living with a man again and I mean that, and I’m ‘only’ 35.

DH isn’t even one of the bad ones but the low level selfishness and role I’ve defaulted into over the years means after raising my children and the 20 years of domestic labour that entails, I will never be doing it again.

Case in point - this is DH’s week off with the kids (it’s still Easter holidays here, I had last week off with them). On my days with them, he would get up, shower and head out to the office at 8am without further ado. This morning the kids have come through to my bedroom, climbed all over me for half an hour, finally he took them downstairs while muttering about how he ‘hasn’t slept’ (why?) and I know full well if I go downstairs in an hour, the kids will still be in their pyjamas, probably watching TV, with no plan for the day and tacitly waiting on instructions from me as to what to do to get them some fresh air/a decent lunch.

It’s bloody exhausting and I will not ever slowly be defaulting back into a caring role

I’m 37 and I have been a single parent for 9 years so I’m not sure if it’s an age thing? But then I don’t want any more kids and have known that from the start so maybe that is right for them, any man I date I will be making it clear I’m done with kids and won’t be having any more.

If my current cohabiting relationship doesn’t work out I’ll never live with a man again. It’s an attractive prospect I think about a lot.

Never again…. Never want to mother a male who apparently can’t possibly work out if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or dirty … who forgets to put the bin liner in or find shavings around the sink all the time!!!

My colleague has the dream scenario her partner lives two doors down - close enough to catch up easily but still have space - living the dream

I have been with my DH for 10 years and married for 6 (2nd marriage for us both) my DC were 11 and 12 when we met and his DC young adults. For the last 10 years we have lived apart whilst my DC grew up and have now gone off to Uni (DD graduated last year and lives away). I can honestly say neither of us had a burning desire to live with the other and it has been a wonderful relationship that has worked well for us. Now the DC have gone however we have made the decision to move in together this year, both houses are sold and we have bought a house that is large enough for us to have space away from each other if needed. I never thought I would but I am actually looking forward to this next chapter of our lives. Never say never!

I would feel the same if on my own and I’m 64 now - i hate the constant mess of their stuff lying around and the feeling of being obliged to go to bed at the same time or they ‘can’t get to sleep’ or seeking ‘permission’ to go away for a few days or god forbid having more than 1 night out a week at my dance class . I realise many men may well be a lot more easy going on these things but I’ve been married twice and lived with another for 4 years and it’s been the same every single time but didn’t start off like that -

After three years of looking after frail DH no way would I want another relationship, let alone live with a man.

My dad is 87 and recently said about wanted to meet someone !
But he said he will never want to live with anyone ever again !
I think people that have been in controlling or abusive relationships are like this ,!!
the thought of being trapped and controlled again is quiet frightening I would imagine!
I feel like thou living on your own would be actually good no one else's feeling have to be took into consideration!

I think if you have children to never live with a man again is the right thing to do. I say this even though I have 2 brothers who were brilliant step fathers.

I am single and live with DS11. I split from his Dad in 2016 and I’ve had two short relationships since, the latter ended in 2023 and has put me off living with another man - they’re just too big, too hairy, too noisy and take up too much space 🤣 seriously though, if the right man comes along one day, then maybe I would consider it but right now, I have no interest in dating or having a man anywhere near me!

Been married for 18 years here, older teens. I love him very much but by christ, if anything ever happened which caused me to be single I would NEVER live with another man again.

My late 60s mum has been single for 20 years ish after 2 horrible marriages. She has a male friend, (strictly platonic friend) that cannot understand for the life of him why she's not desperate to move in with him or any other man for that matter 😅

IME, generally, men need to live with a companion far more than women do.

When that oestrogen (goggles) starts to wear off, men may as well give up 😅

Why would this be a problem? Your friends/family members who think this is a big deal probably say this because they can only imagine their standards as the norm (guessing they all have spouses they live with).
I see this as a preference, something you have every right to have. I am a man, I love my wife dearly, happily married, but if in the future for some reason we ever divorced, I'd never live with another woman ever again, that is for sure.

Don't get discouraged, as long as you are upfront about this aspect of your preferences, it's more than ok.

Sounds like you lived with a teenage boy rather than a man... Sorry, you had to endure that. Absolutely nobody should be anyone's live-in maid or servant.

If my husband died I would never live with another man again.

I’ve got my lovely, grown up children, enough fabulous single/ divorced/ widowed girlfriends to have fun with, and financial security.

I would treasure the peace and quiet and not having to make ‘proper meals’ unless I wanted to.

I’ve never been married and the older I get, the less I want to be/want to live with a man. It just seems like women get the raw end of the deal and I like my peace and space.

I think I would be very hesitant about living with a man again. I'm in my 50s, I've shared my home with two different partners (one I was married to and had children with), plus two other relationships where I stayed at theirs at weekends. All of them were deceitful in the end, I just don't know if I have the emotional energy or trust for another cohabiting relationship. Maybe I'd be best with an 'apartner relationship', living apart together.

It's bloody hard financially though, going it alone and I guess that's why most people don't ... but can you put a price on peace?

That’s the thing, it’s easy for people to say they wouldn’t live with a man again (whilst living with a man and having someone to split the bills with), but it is tougher financially on your own.

I'll go one further and say not only will I not live with anyone again, I won't blend families either

I definitely wouldn't live with a man again because I'm in SH and, as it stands, DS can inherit the tenancy when I die (I'm heading for 60 now). I know a lot on MN don't agree with that! But he needs it as he as additional needs and won't marry or get into a relationship, he won't be a high earner etc. As it stands, DS lives with me and I have been slowly teaching him all house related stuff. He may well downsize when I'm gone but having that tenancy is crucial. If I lived with someone the tenancy would go to him and it can only be passed on once. I wouldn't risk DS ending up homeless. That's how I know 100% I won't.

That's before I even go into all the reasons why I just wouldn't want to. Of which there are many!