Continuing AIBU thread 3

[PithyBeaker]

More of the same, and thanks for your support

Sounds like a move in the right direction, especially the lack of messages. I’m sure that they will probably come and go for a while as it the reality of his new normal sinks in.

hope your week is going well so far

Good news @PithyBeaker - all moving forward at pace 💪

I think now would be a good time to establish new weekend rituals with your son ( especially before he hits puberty and gets moody).

Half of your weekends have been so busy that it would be great for him to have new activities and routines that are just focused on him. I remember a psychologist friend told me that rituals were important in a relationship as they foster trust and your son’s life has also changed a lot. Even if it’s just pizza on Fridays and a movie Sunday afternoon 🤷‍♀️

He's making progress, @PithyBeaker

It's good that he's sorting things out at his end.

I'm really glad you're okay.

This is such a great suggestion. I’ve just joined a sailing club so thinking that would be a good Saturday activity to start doing together ❤️

Yes, feels like progress. 🙏 thank you

Glad to hear all is calm. Hopefully now that first weekend is done and he's seen that you haven't wavered that's things moving in the right direction.
The sailing club sounds like a lovely idea.

Also just want to reassure everyone that I am on a close look out for any signs he is becoming angry/aggressive/threatening or suicidal - but I don’t think those routes are likely and I have very good reasons for thinking that. Like I mentioned, his marriage breakdown was INCREDIBLY horrid for him (his X did smthn so awful I can’t say it bc it would be too obvious but think ‘sleeping with immediate family member’ and you’re in the right ballpark). Anyway. My point is that, if even then, with such a colossal betrayal and the breakdown of a marriage w someone he had been with longer than he’s been with me, he did not get angry and violent. Even then. Im just saying.

Sailing is much more exciting than Friday night pizza!

Oooh! I am not sure about that. In the middle of a diet, pizza sounds quite exciting.

Good to hear that things seem toi have calmed down since the weekend and that there are signs of progress.

I think you're spot on with regard to the likelihood of aggression and violence.

You've known him for years and you've seen him in very difficult situations in the past.

Yes, he may lash out verbally - in fact he has, with some of his texts - but he's hurt, and he can't really understand why you ended it.

On a fundamental level he's both puzzled and angry. I'm sure he still loves you, too.

However, he very likely isn't emotionally mature enough to process what's happened.

He'll get there though. And I don't see him changing his innate personality and becoming a threat to you physically @PithyBeaker That's not who he is.

Definitely a new thing fir you and your boy. When my marriage exploded and it became me and my two children, we developed things that were just for us, showing we were a wee family of 3. Every year I would buy 3 identical Christmas ornaments for the tree chosen by ds or dd. They still talk about that. Not as exciting as sailing or pizza but it helped cement our new reality. I think you are awesome Pithy. Keep being you

That makes it even more astounding re the spousal support, he's mad. Simple haha!

I'm glad you are doing well though Pithy and fingers crossed for good weekend weather for sailing! 💜

Can’t we do both? 😅🙋🏻‍♀️

I love this idea of new ornaments 💕 must be lovely to remember each year

Sailing followed by pizza sounds wonderful to me!

Sailing is a great opportunity to meet knew people and to share a hobby.
Great idea.
And who doesn't like pizza and no cooking?
You are really doing so well.

So wise to cement these rituals before the teenage years arrive.
They are great pillars to build your relationship with him, which will stand him in great stead if times become challenging with change and hormones!