Continuing AIBU thread 3

[PithyBeaker]

More of the same, and thanks for your support

The thing is, he still thinks he's in with a chance of reconciliation. The true test will come when he is finally made to see that reconciliation/return to OP's house isn't happening.

At that point, he may back down and go away. Or he may become aggressive.

OP is still in the position of needing to manage this man.
He isn’t going to vanish in a puff of smoke, whatever she does. So she’s leaving him to run off a bit of energy until she needs to deal with him.
Grey rock, basically.

Well, talk about sharks circling at the scent of blood...

Can everyone please remember that this is the OP's life, not some series you are watching on Netflix. She has occasionally asked for advice, based on what she actually needs at the time, and people on here have given of their time and effort to help, but based only on their own experiences. Nobody here has gone through exactly what the OP is going through, so it's not helpful to demand that she do this, that, or the other.

She will do what is right for her. If she asks for support, I'm sure we will do what we can to help. She also has family who are supporting her, she has her own house, her own money, and is 40 years old, for heaven's sake! She's not 16, please stop treating her like she's your teenager or your client.

It's been 10 days! If she makes mistakes in the future, well, those will be her mistakes. Just as all our mistakes are ours. We learn from them and move forward. Nothing is perfectly straightforward in life, and there are no perfect solutions.

This is not a TV show, people.

@GreenhampsterAndEggs… Totally agree with you on all points!

‘Sharks circling for blood’ - give over! Who’s making it a tv drama now?
just cos some people disagree and aren’t just nodding sagely at whatever OP does doesn’t mean they are seeking drama. I’d have said the very opposite is true.

Everyone has given their time and effort to help OP - whether you or OP agree with their advice or not. It was all given from a good place. And now anyone who strays from the party line is vilified.

mmmm….

Women’s Aid became Refuge in the mid 90s. I’m a bit dubious about your alleged social work credentials.

My local service is still called (my area) Woman's Aid.

My local refuge service is called (my area) Refuge.

And they are totally separate organisations.

I'm in England.

https://womensaid.org.uk
still exists

Scottish women’s aid exists, despite the SNP trying hard to make it all about the men. I think the OP is doing fine.

”the party line”

JMJ I don’t have enough eye roll emojis for this.

Please. Luxuriate in the internecine Mumsnet strife you’re aching to conjure. I’ll be dipping. Got enough strife on, thanks.

Seems people are having “support strategy discussions” when you are not here.

A bit like real life, except you don't learn about those sort of “discussions”, AKA gossip, typed out, for you to see at your leisure 😂

I just googled internecine.
That comment was spot on 👏

You do what you think is right for you OP. 💯
We can all give our tuppence worth on this topic, but at the end of the day, it's your life and you navigate it best in the way you believe for you and your son.

Wishing you well 💐 @PithyBeaker

I suspect you have not read much, if anything, of OP's 3 threads. Nor have @Rachelshair and @amibeingaknob. I bet none of you even realised that OP got this guy out of her house 6 days - SIX DAYS - after her first post.

What are you three about fgs? How arrogant and ignorant are you? WTH are you doing HERE, of all threads?

OP, carry on. You're doing GREAT.

I really do wish you well OP. You have a lot on your plate.

Pithy has expressed how she feels about your opinions, and yet you continue to ignore her, and insist you know better. It is coming across as patronising and bullying. Nobody is defending her ex or abuse in any form. It would be a real shame if she did not continue to use this thread because some there are a few people who seem to be more concerned about knowing the most and being right, than listening to what the poster is actually telling them.

Hope you’re okay Pithy

I also just checked out internecine, thank you for my new word OP

I hope some people see the irony in insisting a woman is emotionally abused and so must behave in the way they think is brst

I hope some people see the irony in claiming they are supporting a woman whose being abused by telling her a) she’s not being abused - he’s just carrying on like a pork chop and it’s really not that serious, and b) continuing to tolerate it is a marvellous idea and she’s an absolute hero.

I haven’t seen anyone telling OP what to do. I’ve seen people give their time energy and effort to express grave concern and give advice. I’ve also seen a massive pile on, insults and rudeness towards those people from the OP and others.

I won’t tolerate being spoken to and about like that when I’m just expressing an opinion out of genuine concern for another woman. Which is why I’ll be leaving the thread to.

Best of luck OP.

I won’t tolerate being spoken to and about like that when I’m just expressing an opinion out of genuine concern for another woman. Which is why I’ll be leaving the thread to.

I won’t tolerate being spoken to like this. Now what? Welcome to public forums on the internet.

Nobody is arguing that what you are saying isn’t true, or suggesting that abuse is anything other than absolutely terrible.

But the OP has also expressed several times that the people warning her about how she now communicates with her ex don’t feel relevant to the way she has chosen to handle her situation. And yet you persist. I don’t doubt that what you are saying is coming from a place of concern. But arguing with anyone (including the OP) who contradicts your opinion, is derailing the thread.

I haven't criticised the OP at all and if you read her threads you'll see I have commented on all of them.
I think you're extremely rude.
It's not being a bully to point out that emotional abuse is present.

So are you going to apologise now for accusing someone of being a liar?? No? Thought not.

Hi all,
Let's try to get this thread back on topic, please? It appears to have become a little diverted.

You need to go away now. Thanks

So, ignoring all the nonsense above, there is not much to report from my end. He has bought new storage units and is assembling them at his flat. He is coming round today to take some more stuff. No overnight messages. All is calm. Thanks all for your support