Should I mention my height before meeting someone from a dating app? [Male/30s]

[Whitsta90]

I have been talking online to a few months to a woman on a dating app, its a non conventional/niche dating app where you don't need to specify your height. We seem to be getting on very well, and have a few things in common, however she bought up in conversation that she is very small in height, 5'1, "im tiny" in her words. This is no problem for me, I quite like it in fact, however, I'm 5'7, she hasn't asked my height so far [Conversation wasn't about height]. This is something that I wouldn't have thought much of a few years ago, however I recently came across a few threads on here relating to height preferences which seems quite a popular topic here, and it seems from seeing comments that a huge number of very short height women are not attracted to shorter height men, even if they are still several inches taller than them [as in my case], and very openly state this and how they love there partners/husbands huge height differences.

I'm not stupid and know that there are women who don't have issues with height, but looking here it seems these are far more often average to taller height women, and in the majority of cases women who are the height of who I have been chatting with are very adamant about only dating men who are 6''+. I just wondered whether its a good idea to tell her my height, as I don't want to reach the point of meeting for a date and her being disappointed when she sees my height, as I have heard of happening numerous times, which would be a big shame as we have been getting on very well online so far. Also, are there any women in this height range who have no issues with dating men of shorter height, or have partners/husbands who aren't tall? This might make me feel a bit more confident about the situation if so

As someone who is 4ft 11 I wouldn’t be able to tell whether you were 5ft 7 or 6ft 7… everyone is taller than me and that is just normal!

I did once have a bf who was a professional rugby player and was huge I thought we looked ridiculous together in photos.

if she hasn’t asked in a couple of months it’s not a deal breaker for her, and if she’s on a site aimed at connection rather than looks that also shows that she’s interested in you as a person! This sounds lovely, good luck op!

A woman who says 'I only date 6ft+' is the equivalent of a man that says 'I only date women with the body of a Victoria's Secret model'. They exist, but do you want to attract these kinds of people?

Seeing as you've been talking a while, you seem to be have a real connection, not one based on superficiality and checklists.

For me, the way a man can put me off are as follows:

• Mention their height
• Mention their salary/ assets
• Send nudes, but most know this is not ok in this day and age

To me, mentioning any of these things signal a man that has an incel view of women, i.e. that women want a tall muscular guy with money.

If she hasn't asked, don't mention it.

Once you really know someone, you care way less about their physical appearance anyway. You may be someone that thinks they prefer 6ft 5 Swedish guys, but ends up with a little Italian guy.

Also, different women have different preferences. I'm a tall typical Scandinavian girl, probably someone that most people would say is very attractive, and I would prefer not to date anyone over 5ft 11. I like to have effortless eye contact with a partner, and also the logistics around kissing etc become complex with a height difference. Usually date around 5ft 7-8.

@Whitsta90 it's very strange to me that when she mentioned her height, you didn't immediately respond with yours. Why isn't it in your dating app profile anyhow? I think you are self-conscious about this unnecessarily. Don't believe all that toxic manspeak guff about women are looking for tall rich men with a 6-pack. That's an excuse nasty men use as to why they're single. IMHO, women (not shallow gold-diggers, who DO exist, but I'm meaning normal women) want a man who is honest, trustworthy, kind, finds them attractive, and is financially responsible. (That doesn't have to mean rich, but it does mean someone who doesn't throw their money away and then expect to be propped up.) There are lots of other things that women look for. In my case, a sense of humour and excellent personal hygiene come high on the list, as do love of children and animals. Height is irrelevant to an awful lot of women. Put it in your profile, that way you won't waste time on the silly shallow women who think it matters.

My husband is 5’7 and I am 5’5’’ - both have shrunk an inch from when we were younger/met. I met him via a dating site - don’t think heights were mentioned, I guess we saw pictures though. I never considered him short, just lower end of average I guess. I was in a LTR with a man 6’1’’ before that, and dated a man 6’5’’ before that. Just random chance definitely not a preference - although I do actually like DH being around the same height as me…makes hugs feel easier. I still wouldn’t say it is a preference though.

I did have acquaintance/friend who was 5’1’’ and insisted she wouldn’t date a man under 6’. Couldn’t relate to it at all but it was also one of her key screening before meeting potential dates so I would imagine if your date was like that she would’ve asked by now. I ended up not liking her much for a variety of reasons so, applying a sample of one…think it is a good screening tool for you 😉

I do find that odd that a woman insists on a man being over 6' tall, when she is only 5 ft 1. A height disparity of a foot or more looks a bit weird IMO. 2 of my 3 close friends said they would never date a man who is less than 6 ft tall, but they're 5 ft 8 and 5 ft 9.

Exactly, why worry about it ? 5’7” isn’t unusual for men at all. I know lots of men around this height. I am Welsh, we aren’t a tall ethnic group generally, although I am tallish. I am 5’8 , the same height as my husband, so I am taller than him if I have heels on. I’ve never thought of it as a negative obviously, I really don’t care much about height in men.
There is so much more to attraction and compatibility than height. Meet up and see how you feel about each other !

I think if there was a massive height different I would consider mentioning it but in your case I wouldn’t bother. I don’t know where this thing has come from that people think women care so much about men’s heights most women couldn’t care less.

@Whitsta90 the woman has not asked your height. Maybe it’s not important to her. She probably (rightly) assumes you will be taller than her.

Or maybe she mentioned her height because she is insecure for being so short and wanted to gauge your reaction.

Did I read you are ND and both have anxiety? If it would help you feel less anxious about meeting her then tell her in advance you are 5’7” .

Personally I don’t think you have anything to worry about , 6 inches height difference is plenty and anymore could look too much.

My daughter is short for our family at 5’4” and her boyfriend is 5’7” they always look cute together in photos.

Hope you enjoy your date

I think unfortunately the OP may have hyperfixated on his height as a way to avoid any uncertainty...

so if he gets rejected he can say it's because all women want tall men.

In my 20s I met someone off match who said he was 5'10 and made a point about women wanting taller on his profile (which I'd have spotted as a red flag if I'd matched when older).

In person he was just a bit difficult.

He came to my city, the date went ok but he was clearly very self-centred, over thinking, very focussed on his own needs rather than connecting.

He was accomplished (it would have been nice if he talked about his work or our common interests) but he kept coming up with phrases like "he had no game".

He commented I had red in my profile photo as I was using it as a psychological trick.

(It was absolutely nothing to do with height at all, I'm not a height woman, but he was probably about 5'8).

I was a marathon running harlot in my 20s who was open to new experiences and he wasn't unattractive. We kissed and made out after dinner...

But he didn't say goodbye or politely wave me off, he just sort of stared at the wall like a twitchy child.

He sent me a photo of the city he lived in rather than engage in any pleasant contact afterwards, with a "? ".

He may have read somewhere this is what the "six foot alpha males" did.

I ignored the message as he just seemed rude.

I'm sure he maintained it was because of his height and if he'd been 6 foot tall I'd have been desperately chasing after him.

I think someone of 5'1 should find 5'7 the perfect size. It's the same gap as someone of about 5'6 wanting a six footer.

But I'm not sure whether she would feel this way or not. To me I just want the guy to be a bit taller than me in heels. Ideally. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker if everything else about them was good.

Thank you for all the replies so far, obviously i'm not able to reply to all of them but appreciate all the positive replies

I might just drop it into the conversation during our next conversation today and see what happens. To be honest I think part of the reason for my concern was due to her height, as it really does seem to be women in her height range who are more dismissive of dating below 6ft men as mentioned in a few previous posts, not ALL women that height by any means, but it seems to be quite common, obviously there are quite a few very short women who still don't view an average height range guy as tall, even if the guy is 6 or 7 inches taller than them, ironically I would probably be less worried if she was my height or slightly taller!

Re meeting, we live quite far from each other, literally at opposite ends of the British Isles, so its a bit easier said than done, but might try and arrange something somehow

There's not much point keeping things online indefinitely, unless you're specifically looking for a penpal.

@auserna Oh we do plan to meet, its just not very convenient to do this readily, due to our distance between each other

Do not see the problem here - if she is only 5ft1 and you are 5ft7 that's a good fit, surely.
She would not want a 6fter to tower over her necessarily.
Even in heels she'd be fine. Height difference between me and first bf was 3 inches. He was 5ft7 I am 5ft4.
I have heard of height being a deal-breaker for some but you are well-matched. Go and get the coffee!

My DH is 5'6". Prior to meeting always seemed to go out with men who were 5'10"+ which was pure coincidence.

It was his personality that drew me, we still laugh 20 years in. I really wouldn't get hung up about your height. Unless you don't have a personality that is....

I'm sure I read somewhere than men above average height, and women below average height have the most success dating wise. So maybe smaller women have more a pick of the bunch and can be fussier?!

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Yes it's a preference for many on paper. But I've got a few male friends who are around your height and all have partners - same height, bit taller or a bit shorter.

Learn to be funny mate. I'm no dating expert but making women laugh has always served me, and I look like I was sacked off lord of the rings.

At 5ft1, 5ft7 would be fine with me. I’m surprised you didn’t mention your height when she did.

Then she is probably more interested in who you are than how tall you are.

Just don't lie about it if it does come up.

It worked for Roger Rabbit. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6mmV5yrIsio

The average woman in the U.K is about 5'3, and the average man is around 5'9. That's about 6 inches, so exactly like you and her. You're fine. If it was that important, it's likely she would have asked you beforehand. As she's quite short, height is probably not an issue she often gets with men so she's assuming she's right here as well.

@Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself That does make sense actually, I think it could be that shorter height women are the equivalent of taller height men dating pool wise and therefore can afford to be fussier, I definitely have heard other men saying they couldn't date someone taller than them, a work colleague of mine who is a fair bit taller than me said that, his wife is pretty tall though, the same height as him roughly.

I'm not bothered whether a man is a six-footer, but I like him to have legs which are longer than they are wide.

Weirdly my gay DD was talking about height the other day (she’s 5ft8) and said she wouldn’t go out w a woman who was short. Her ex was about 5ft3 and said that’s the shortest she’d go.
im 5ft4 and was never v bothered in height but I wouldn’t have wanted a bloke shorter than me.

Personally, anything under 5ft 10 I would want to know. I remember when in my early 20s I finally saw a guy I had been speaking to on dating apps and he was so much shorter than I’d realised. Kind of took me by surprise and not in a good way.

I know thats a horrible thing to say but you’ll find some women will care about height and others won’t. I don’t care about a man being really tall but someone short would be a problem