Should I mention my height before meeting someone from a dating app? [Male/30s]

[Whitsta90]

I have been talking online to a few months to a woman on a dating app, its a non conventional/niche dating app where you don't need to specify your height. We seem to be getting on very well, and have a few things in common, however she bought up in conversation that she is very small in height, 5'1, "im tiny" in her words. This is no problem for me, I quite like it in fact, however, I'm 5'7, she hasn't asked my height so far [Conversation wasn't about height]. This is something that I wouldn't have thought much of a few years ago, however I recently came across a few threads on here relating to height preferences which seems quite a popular topic here, and it seems from seeing comments that a huge number of very short height women are not attracted to shorter height men, even if they are still several inches taller than them [as in my case], and very openly state this and how they love there partners/husbands huge height differences.

I'm not stupid and know that there are women who don't have issues with height, but looking here it seems these are far more often average to taller height women, and in the majority of cases women who are the height of who I have been chatting with are very adamant about only dating men who are 6''+. I just wondered whether its a good idea to tell her my height, as I don't want to reach the point of meeting for a date and her being disappointed when she sees my height, as I have heard of happening numerous times, which would be a big shame as we have been getting on very well online so far. Also, are there any women in this height range who have no issues with dating men of shorter height, or have partners/husbands who aren't tall? This might make me feel a bit more confident about the situation if so

She probably doesn’t care how tall you are - I’m 4’11 and I’ve never asked anyone’s height on a dating app - odds are pretty good they’re going to be taller than me!

OP, I think that if height matteref to her in that way, she would have mentioned it by now. You are much taller than her.
If you're worried, send her a photo which shows your height clearly, eg full length and standing next to a post box. Or mention it casually, eg 'a tiny old lady asked me to reach something off a supermarket shelf and at 5 foot 7 I could only just reach it myself'.' I bet that she will be fine with, as most women would be.

I’m the same height as her, my husband is 6ft 3 ish and honestly it looks pretty ridiculous!

You have a good height difference I would say.

Don’t be sad, my 5ft 7 son has had loads of girlfriends and is now married to a 5ft 6 wife. DD at 5ft 2 is married to 5ft 6 husband. All four are happy, healthy, in professional jobs with own homes.

Height is simply a preference, like personalities.

I think if she was bothered about height she would have directly asked you by now. I had a "minimum height" before I met my husband, we met at uni though in a bar so I could see how tall he was. Mine was 5ft 10 which he is, just 🤣, I'm 5ft 4. My husband liked petite short women for obvious reasons so we were a good match. A friend of mine at uni was about 5ft 6 he found someone about 5ft and she didn't find his height an issue.

If she was 5ft 10 I could see your worries, but shorter women often either don't care or will date shorter men than their 6ft friends. My girl housemate was 6ft 1 and had 6ft 4 min, she indeed found a 6ft 4 boyfriend and also married him.

Don't worry about it and don't bring it up, if she asks obviously be honest but no need to worry.

Is this possibly something that is taking up more headspace for you than her? If height (or weight, eye colour, favourite band) was a deal-breaker for me, I'd have raised it before now.

It is important to a lot of people and I believe woman usually want to date someone taller than them. As she’s 5.1 this is unlikely to be an issue for her so I suspect it’s not high on her list of questions. I don’t think you need to disclose this unless asked.

I have a preference for 6ft plus man and I’m 5’2 and petite, however if he was nice and not 6ft plus I’d also be fine with that , I’m not shallow it’s just a preference that can be changed.

If you had asked me about my 'type' or preference and then looked at my husband, they would be very different descriptions. At the end of the day, the men who were my 'type' didn't have the right personality and that's a lot more important.

Also, as someone who is closer to five foot, despite feeling at least five one, your height wouldn't worry me at all.

If you're connecting online and chatting away, for long term relationships, having someone you truly get along with is soooo much more important than height.

If you were 6 ft 7 and she was 5 ft then yes i would tell her in advance. Height does matter, it isn't the most important thing but it does have significance if there is a very big difference.

you're only a bit taller than her so it really shouldn't matter that much.

I think usually the height thing is proportional; some women like their men to be taller than them so that feel "protected". As others have said,if she hasn't asked about your height,I would assume that it's not something she's that concerned about.
If it does come up in conversation, then just be honest. And in the meantime, stop worrying and arrange to meet her! Good luck!

Just don't lie about your height. Men that do that make me uneasy.

The fact she hasn’t mentioned in over the course of a few months would suggest she isn’t bothered. However - is there a reason why this online messaging has been going on for long with no meeting up? I think that’s the part to focus on tbh…

As for height in general, some women do have a height preference. I’m 5ft4, it’s not one for me although I went on a date with a guy who was 6ft4 and I really disliked that height difference. I don’t think having any kind of preference is shallow, because everyone has them to some extent (unless they would date literally anyone, which nobody would) Well, I hope so anyway! 😅

Be very careful when asking him to leave.

Speak to the police if you are concerned it will turn bad. They are hopefully happy to attend to prevent a breach of the peace.

Men like your DH can turn. He has you nicely where he wants you, has demonised you to his work colleagues and so anything he does can be justified.

I am worried for you. I fear he will not go without a fight.

The obvious time to mention it would have been when she brought up her height. But 5'7" is only a bit shorter than average.

Also I think you mean 6', not 6"!

If it was something she cared a lot about then I’m sure she would have asked you.

I think if she hasn’t asked you your height by now, she probably isn’t bothered. Being 5”1 she’s probably assuming you are taller because it’s rare for men to be under 5”1. That said I fall into the camp of women who prefer tall men and have dated mainly 6 ft plus men. I’m tall at 5”9 and just not attracted to short men, DH is 6”3. Don’t think we should be called shallow for having a preference. Everyone is entitled to a dating preference.

Oh I see OP .
Well I wouldn’t worry at all of if I were you ,5/7 is perfect to her 5/1 😊.
It’s not tall tall but you’re not small either 🤷🏻‍♀️.
I’m only 5/4 , I’d date someone 5/7 .
Anyway , best of luck with it all 🙌

Your height difference is perfect. There's really no need to mention it.

Exactly this!

I have a preference for tall men, it's what I find most attractive. DH is 6ft 3in. But I wouldn't give a shit if he was 2ft tall because I love him and who he is as a person. Its simply a preference not a deal breaker.

I wonder if height insecurity might come across to her and maybe something worth working on for your benefit too. We all have our insecurities!

I'm just under 5ft and my now ex husband was 5ft 7 which was fine. However when I started dating after the divorce I drew the line at a guy of 5ft 2 (he was boring as well). I had visions of us looking like the munchkins off the Wizard of Oz.

It's clearly something that's bothering you and causing some anxiety, so you should tell her. If you don't it will make you feel more anxious about meeting.

Ah you poor soul, @Whitsta90 . I think that the 'manosphere' has ramped up men's anxieties about height by making it a much more significant indicator of attractiveness than it really is.

Because height is something very objective and precisely measurable, it suits the way that a lot of men like to think about things. It is striking how much time and interest many men can devote to the 'specifications' of products -- comparing gigabytes of RAM or pixels per square inch or rate of acceleration or whatever.

Unlike products, people aren't precisely comparable in that way, which must add to the insecurity of dating, and of men's self-esteem generally. So it is very tempting to invent/enlarge a significance for one of the very few things about yourself that can be quantified and compared.

I'm pretty sure that most women aren't that fussed about height. Our particular hang-up, for the most part, is our own weight, and that might make some of us a bit sensitive about dating someone who weighed less than we do. But height, nah.

Speaking for myself, I guess that, other things being equal, I would prefer the man of my dreams to be my height or above (I'm 5 foot 5), but other things never are equal, and there are a million things more important than height that would influence my attraction.

At 5ft 1, I can't imagine that this particular woman would be looking for an especially tall man. Too much risk of neck injuries as she looked into your eyes.

I'd say at least half of the women I know wouldn't date a man shorter than them. Shorter than 6 foot is a different story but let's not pretend it's all in the guy's head because it isn't.

You’re six inches taller than her. To her you are tall. It would be pretty ridiculous if you were six foot, because you’d look out of proportion and she’d have to constantly look up. You’re way overthinking this.