Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@nervesofcotton
@nosdacariad
@pinkneonsign
@msjinks
@cleanshirt
@rubberduck68
@Catza
@oneshyquail
@cambridgedropout
@polly1979
@TwistedWonder
@Eesha
@Kaltenzahn
@SupportivePanda
@Pinkpalmleaves

Thanks for the new thread @BoxOfCats 💐

Thank you BoxOfCats.

Still following along, but not really dating!

Thanks @BoxOfCats !

Good morning all. Well I got my call last night and it lasted almost 2.5 hours. Wasn’t planned that long ( thought it would be a quick intro then I would watch MAFS) but the chat flowed like we were old friends. Think having so many mutuals gave us common ground and we did mention people and places and seems we’ve been in same place at same time on several occasions in the past.

Not sure if I feel a spark yet as just a friends vibe though but I don’t think that will be clear until we meet face to face.

Ill have to think of a nickname now

Oh, that’s so nice!! I think that’s a good sign. Are there any plans yet to meet up?

Sounds really positive. And I like relationships which start with a friendship. So rare nowadays!

Thanks for the new thread @BoxOfCats.

That sounds really promising @TwistedWonder! Have you arranged to meet?

@Nosdacariad I hate the waiting and and ambiguity with OLD, it does my head in. Hope he gets in touch soon!

So Mr Charismatic has been good with comms this week, I messaged him earlier this evening to check we were still on for our date tomorrow night. He replied straight away, sounded very keen, and also followed up with a bit of chat about various things. Suspect he feels a bit guilty about leaving me on read for most of last weekend… However, it’s nice he’s m,int an effort and I’m really looking forward to dinner with him.

Mr Nomad and I have had a chat about when we might see each other next. He will fly up here in early May, which is such a long time away. Realistically I can’t fly down to see him before then though. So we will see what happens.

And in real life, a new guy Mr Social (works in our social media team) just started. He’s cute, my age, and has made it known to me that he is single. However… we are in the same team and I’m much more senior than him. Aaaargh.

I have a question for the hive mind. Things are going very well with Mr. Poet and he is extremely thoughtful, caring and reflective but over the last couple of days we had a few conversations where I had to pull him up on some manosphere-adjacent comments. Examples include telling someone that she "gave up the goods too soon" in reference to her sleeping with someone early in the dating process after which her date ghosted and making a comment about skimpy gym outfits for women. I absolutely challenge him every time something like that comes up and it appears that comments are not malicious and he is very thoughtful about feedback.
I can't figure out if this is just part of male culture that he never questioned or if this is a giant red flag he is waving.

Great news on Mr. charismatic. I guess we have to see if he can keep it up consistently.
What's your workplace dating policy? This could make or break the situation with Mr. Social

Hmmm… it might not be malicious but personally I would see it as a lack of self awareness and it would give me the ick. And if you’ve had to pull him up multiple times then clearly he’s not getting it. If he seemed great in every other respect I’d maybe raise it as a broader theme, eg “You still keep making these comments, are you aware of how it comes across”. But I would personally have limited patience for this.

@TwistedWonder I am so glad about Mr? You deserve this 💐

@BoxOfCats I'm going to give him until 2pm which is 24h. Also Mr Social sounds like trouble 😅

@Catza I'm about with @BoxOfCats on this. Does he like art by women? Music, film, books...

Let’s hope so!

There isn’t a policy on workplace dating, although there’s a general policy on conduct in the workplace. In fact, there have been multiple relationships in the workplace that I’m aware of. It’s more my own personal boundary, particularly given I’m senior leadership 😬

He is really great other than that. And my bullshit radar is fully functional after lifelong encounters with flag-bearers.
I'm not picking up any weird vibes but this does niggle. I'll observe carefully.

Sounds very sensible!

I'm going to find out.
We did watch the manospere documentary a few weeks ago and exchanged some views about that over the next few days. Nothing concerning came up then...
He is very respectful when talking about his previous partners and women he knows.

I did end up dating someone who turned out to be a misogynist and, honestly, all the signs were there from the get go. Mr. Poet definitely does not give this vibe...so far.

I try to avoid workplace dating. Maybe park him and hope he fails his probation 😅

I married a cute guy who joined our team! We were the same level though. As a rule I’d always avoided workplace romances before that. Try and suss out what he’s like as a person as may not be worth it unless you really like him.

I don’t want to "P on your parade", but just be mindful not to get swept along by familiarity.
I dated someone last year who had lots of mutual friends with me, and I assumed that meant he was safe. Sadly, he turned out to be a massive red flag, and there was a Claire’s Law disclosure against him. I definitely let my guard down because I thought I knew him.
I’m sure he’s nothing like that — I just wanted to share my experience. Hopefully it all works out and he’s a lovely man.
Good luck xx

Oh totally. I’m not getting carried away at all. I’m quite a guarded person anyway so I’m chatting openly to him but still very cautious.
I’ve heard through a 3rd party that his relationship with his ex was volatile so definitely treading very carefully

@BoxOfCats Thanks for the new thread!

All my past relationships were with colleagues. I got burned a couple of times and I now won't go there. Too much potential to get messy and I was in a situation where my relationship was negatively impacting my career which isn't something I'm going to risk again. Are you allowed to date within the same team? Would you be comfortable working with someone you're dating?

@Catza I find any indication of double standards around sex a big red flag, although if he's willing to have a serious conversation about these things and take feedback on board it could be a good sign. Keep an eye on it!

Yeah this is what I’m wary of! There are no rules to prevent it, but I don’t want to deal with any messy situations.

By sheer coincidence, a job opportunity has actually come up elsewhere so I’m spending this weekend putting in my application….

So Pub Man is parking at mine tonight then we're going out for food... Do invite him in first? Do I invite him in after? What a predicament!