Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

It is better that they unmatch than you go on a date with someone who’s not certain…

He is back from his trip and we had a lovely meal out, he was very affectionate and nice and leapt at the chance of going to a social thing in two weeks time with my friends - so we’ll see where it goes. He’s texted a little bit more and has not dropped the ball with communication again so far.

Excited to hear about this one!

@rubberduck68 the glasses weren't gifted in the end. The recipient let himself down.

What Mr Nomad says and what he does are two different things.

He says he doesn’t want a relationship because it doesn’t “suit his lifestyle”.
Yesterday he also told me he wants me to meet his mum when he comes to visit next week (she lives in my city).

🤦‍♀️

I said I may update on Mr Tree - though he’s fully shed any leaves/blossom as of today ha!

Fabulous date 1, nice date 2 and he was lovely but he seemed ‘older’ and ‘set’ in his house, after the dog walk. Ended a bit awkward as he said about seeing me maybe Wednesday and I said maybe too and then he explained his busy reasons for Mon/Tues which really I wasn’t even considering those.

We text about other things, like politics etc and that’s kept going fine so I still felt a connection - probably falsely. Never heard anything about Wednesday but got a conversation text (lengthy) early evening - ignoring it I felt - so I just said maybe land seemed to have changed to never land so I’ve got plans and have a good evening, I’ll get back on other stuff discussed a different time.

Text back ‘we can meet - I’ll be in my garden’ - I find that so low effort and disinterested lol! I mean if he said ‘ah, not feeling it I should’ve said’ that’s ok or if he said ‘ oh sorry what about such a day’ - then fine too, but I don’t know that was really - sigh - so from date 3 I have to drive to where you physically are as I can do that - sorta been there, done that and whilst I don’t need amazing dates - a bit of enthusiasm may be nice? Anyway I just said ‘oh the garden - don’t really know what to say but well I’ve got other stuff on now’ - so maybe that will be taken as my bye text.

Bit much these cross texts after 2 dates I know but oosh they’re confusing these guys!

I feel a bit mean - I imagine he probably just sits there wondering what the problem with me is ha - for a minute at most though ha.

Anyway, that is disappointing after date 1, most of date 2 and some really interesting chats plus I still think he’s just a really nice person - but hey Ho boundaries and that - sigh.

@rubberduck68- sounding good again - enjoy - and keep us updated.

@CleanShirt- sounds very promising- enjoy!

@Nosdacariad- well I hope you enjoy Mr Nomad’s company at least - a lot! They are confusing these guys though huh!

@MsJinks Mr Nomad is not my iron.

Hard to follow about Mr Tree but "I'll be in my garden" would hit me like a bucket of cold water x

Oh gosh - sorry - so stupid tonight ha!

That should have said @BoxOfCats re Mr Nomad - so sorry for trying to change everyone’s irons around 🙈

Not at all. I think it was @BoxOfCats ' iron.

Glad it’s not just me - though why he couldn’t just say ‘not interested’ is beyond me. I didn’t want to be calling anyone out on a failed date 3, but also trying to stick to some boundaries this dating iteration.

He had kept texting, lengthy texts, about various subjects - not sure if that was to be ‘nice’ or what. So I did feel he may be ignoring the ‘maybe’ date tonight and it might be obvious why, but I needed it clarifying - perhaps I shouldn’t bother but it’s odd to me to completely ignore it when we were texting anyway.

I think I confirmed it wasn’t happening nicely and said it was ok, I’d other plans now. Perfect for him to drop the conversation- say he didn’t want to - or anything but the actual response that I could see him in his garden - maybe he felt that was nice for him to do for me - I’m cringing at that now ha!

Watch out, @MsJinks will be asking everyone to put their car keys in a bowl in a minute 😂

Hi, what does everyone do when you match with someone on an App, that seem normal, but they only reply once a day? Early morning, and then zilch until the next morning.

Is that a bit odd?

I don’t think it is odd tbh. Sometimes people are just busy with work, life, kids, etc and don’t have capacity for lots of texting.

Spoken like a true once a day texter. 😂

Are they saying much when they do message? If it’s one dry text a day it’s a bit different to if they are sending longer more considered messages. I matched with the former kind recently and he did get unmatched pretty quickly as it was so boring waiting 24 hours for one sentence.

A lot depends on the conversation. Mr Tree eg ended up as quite long discursive chats and, as I said earlier I am one who tries to just limit myself to a time online.

For that I would usually answer in the am when I checked the site - response later from him, which I may/may not read that day (would when interest started!), but generally answered the next day - for me it can get a bit intense back and forth all day plus if one or other is busy then it gets dropped one day, and you start wondering - I don’t like the pressure (implied or real) to keep checking and answering.

I actually did the same with ‘hey how are you texts’ - really useful (for me) to help not to build a bit of a false connection. Obviously, if they were around at the same time then maybe a bit of back and forth but otherwise limiting to one check or at least one answer per day isn’t a bad thing of itself.

Maybe move it on to see if she’s up for a coffee now? It can get a bit interminable if you’re not careful these slow moving, Ltd conversations. Are you ready for that?!

🤣🤣

I don't read that as odd, they might just have good internal boundaries.

If they work full time with youngish kids at home, work shifts, work in a job where you're not allowed your phone on you/out.

Why not ask them? The way they respond will be good data.

I have four dates, with four different men, over the next 5 days, my limited free time due to co-parenting means they all tend to be close together, argh! I am also not looking for something long term right now, so I am very open to meeting all sorts of people.

In terms of messages, they all have very different messaging styles, ranging from texts (and calls) all day, to texts once every two weeks to organise logistics, I find it really varies...

@Polly1979 @MsJinks well it seems that the woman has stopped messaging me back, so no need to ponder!

Honestly, it seems impossible to go on a date these days. I may give up.

Ah that’s amazing - hope they all go well - are they all like coffee dates? Or different things?

Bloody hell that’s good going. Think it took me a year to go on my first four dates not a week!

It’s not the easiest - I’m finding actually being pretty disinterested works - whereas pretending to be, or trying to be, laissez-faire just didn’t - it’s that same paradox that the no goers text a lot and the ones you want just well don’t!

I think we have a name for this now, down thread lol

So after ‘I’m in the garden’ from Mr Tree - he’s followed up fast with sorry, twice over, and offering me a mini slot this pm! Nice to get something of a response but I can’t today anyhow - which is good as I’d fall into that trap of extreme low effort on his part - been there done that - I’m not wanting to play games though so I’ll see if anything transpires with a tad more intent or just leave it on both sides.

I’d forgotten how draining it could be - but instead of sighing at drafting an answer I did use AI to help pen the texts as I tend to be either too upfront or just passive aggressive - and I’m trying not to be. Seems to have been ok - and a damn lot faster as I overthink and write too much - anyway just saying if anyone else is wondering about this ‘help’.

Thanks. A mixture: coffee, walk and early drinks. Going to need a lie down after them all, I find all the chatting exhausting!