Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

This is rude and I am not a texter and neither is Mr Soughdough, who has taken 2-3 days after a date to message or call when he said he would, but he always replies to me within the same day, but only if I've asked a question. Did you ask him a question in your message or was it a statement about your day. Sometimes I think men look at generic messages and think, "I will reply with something when I have something to say," I know even my own son is like that... if I ask him something he answers, if I drop by it's tumbleweed! I'd be fed up by now though, and I have a long fuse and thick skin with texting... what will you do if he pops up, which I have a feeling he will? Mr Soughdough and I had the "how do you like to communicate" chat on date one... if he pops back up you could try that?

That is so frustrating. But definitely trust your gut!!

I have "last seen" turned off on WhatsApp, felt a bit mental for a second and turned it on and he's online. Gonna delete the message thread!

Oh I've been very much left on a question!

This might make me sound daft and dramatic but I feel a bit tearful and wobbly.

This is the first man I’ve felt attracted to in a couple of years and I feel deflated

I'm right there with you. I only started dating in November after my divorce 2 years ago and I felt the same about this guy. Starting to think if it's even worth it x

Oh @CleanShirt and @TwistedWonder im so sorry you are both feeling let down. Sending big hugs. These men are not meant for you. Paving the way for better....

@CleanShirt what was the last message you sent?
@TwistedWonder can you give an example of what you mean?

I’m sorry @CleanShirt and @TwistedWonder. It’s such a gut punch to finally meet someone you like and have this happen. I really don’t understand what goes on in men’s minds sometimes.

I matched with someone who on paper sounded ideal for me and felt a flurry of excitement but the conversation was so one sided. Barely any response to info I offered up or asking questions about me. I’ve unmatched.

Really sorry. It's crappy behaviour from him. I feel like I'm always saying this on here but if he wasn't feeling it or something, why couldn't he just say that.

Do something nice for yourself. Remember that it isn't 'You'. At all.

Same to you, CleanShirt So frustrating. I know exactly what you mean about is it worth it!

Thanks all. I've deleted our WhatsApp thread to stop me looking again. Going to use this as an opportunity to figure out what I actually want.

It’s so hard, I’m sorry to hear that happened. I’m always surprised at how many people would rather do this than have a difficult conversation or just be up front. Someone like that won’t be good relationship material in any case! Do something nice for yourself - a bath, a glass of wine, whatever - and forget about him!

So frustrating. I wish I had your strength, that sounds like a sensible course of action!

@TwistedWonder and @CleanShirt don’t give them a second thought. Seriously - just delete the chat, remove them as a contact and move straight on.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs. And just remember, if you’ve only been dating for a few months and you’ve already found someone you’re half attracted to, that means there are more out there you’ll like.

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐for @CleanShirt and @TwistedWonder it is very frustrating.
The one man I met I could second date with turned out to be homophobic...so you're not alone.
The low effort texting is pathetic.

I’ve just paused all my apps. After the disappointments of the past few weeks / months and hearing everyone else having a hard time too I think I need a break from it.

@CleanShirt @TwistedWonder I'm so sorry your irons turned out to be useless. It's so disappointing. You've got solidarity from all of us here

If your irons don't come back they've done you a favour in the long run. Any man who doesn't have the balls to say "thanks but no thanks" after a lovely date isn't worth the effort long term. It's a basic lack of respect.

I'm a firm believer that when someone ghosts you/is generally shitty early doors it's just the rubbish taking itself out.

I’ve been singje over 6 years and only met 3 men in that time I fancied.

1 had permanent ED tha even blue pills couldn’t help
2 was a Tommy Robinson supporting flag shagger

and now 3 who talked a good game but seems like he’s giving the slow fade.

I’m not totally writing on off yet but the ball is firmly in his court.

Sorry to hear it @Polly1979

I said thanks but no thanks to boring Mr PE with his four word texts.

I agree, it’s still horrible when it happens though.

What do you all do once you’ve finished chatting with / dating someone. I block them on WhatsApp so they can’t reappear (not out of the blue only after we’ve agreed to end it) but then someone said that seems a bit brutal? I just don’t fancy having them pop back up later down the line?

I've deleted his number as well. Going to have an early night and try again tomorrow.

May I join?
Long term single. Working up the courage to join the apps. Any recommendations where to start?

It's not brutal. Why do we want them popping back in? We don't!

@CleanShirt @TwistedWonder I know it feels awful but they really did you a favour here. We don't want inconsistent men in our lives.

@Polly1979 not everyone is having a hard time. @rubberduck68 pocketed herself a nice bloke and so did I. It does unfortunately take time and I am pretty ruthless nowadays and happily sack any man for any reason. Remember the rules of the thread, we don't get attached in the initial stages. That's the key, I feel.
Take a break from the apps. I often do. Come back when you feel ready - nice men are out there!

Make a list of your non-negotiables and stick to it. Also make a list of nice-to-haves. Don't join the apps till you sat down and though about what it is.. I literally have a notebook with about 100 points written down and about 30 of them are non-negotiable 😬

ETA: haven't a clue where the gif came from!!

Welcome!

I’m relatively new too and still learning the ropes. Good luck!

Welcome @PoolsidePandemonium, this is a great place for advice. I was pleasantly surprised by the apps, all sorts of people on there looking for all sorts of different arrangements. Try not to get over invested too soon and remember it’s a numbers game. I fell foul of getting myself a penpal, texted every day for about three months then ghosted me! I wouldn’t make that mistake again, I think you’ve gotta move from chatting to meeting quite quickly if you can.

Have fun! X

Thank you for the welcome(s). @Catza Love the 6/7 gif even if it was unexpected.