Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Reposting as I put it on waning old thread: "Warning: sex stuff: faked with Mr Soughdough last night. I hate myself for it. I think he knew, or maybe that was my imagination, and now feel like I've broken trust. Really beating myself up about it. Can he have known? It was after play so he was just touching me, not actual sex, and he was being so attentive and so patient, I just felt that he will think there's something wrong with me if I don't after all that effort. I am now worried he might break up with me because I haven't been honest with him. I am circling the drain as everything else is so amazing between us." Also, still giving myself a very hard time about this, current crazy loop is he would have been with women who can orgasm quickly and make him feel great, and will think I am rubbish in bed.

Or they faked without bothering about it, or he accidentally got it right, or they had other ways...combination of the above is likely.

MrX thought he could do it for me by shouting "cum! cum!" 😅 strangely enough it was not super effective 🙃

On train now on way to meet Mr no name yet.

Ill be back to spill the tea later

Good luck and hope it goes well!

Keep us posted excited for you

OMG, I'd be tempted to shout out, "leave! leave!" My ex stopped having sex with me for weeks and I had no idea what was going on, thought he was going to break up with me. I asked and he said, "I can't make you cum." So rather than discuss it I was frozen out of the bed, I tried to talk to him about it and he turned on me saying, "well left a bit, right a bit might help." I replied, "that's how you hang a picture." I was so upset with the inference that it was all my fault. I had been very vocal with him about what I liked too, but he'd always ignored anything I'd said from our last time together. Hence I am now a bag of nerves that it will happen again.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Get out of the overthinking spiral by examining how likely what you are telling yourself is true.
For example, have you ever thought a guy was bad in bed because he couldn't orgasm? I dated men who didn't and not once it crossed my mind. They were great in bed because they made ME orgasm. Multiple times. Their orgasm was not part of the criteria for being "good".
Faking isn't great but it happened now. I would be inclined to have a conversation with him about the whole situation. For me (and many men I dated) orgasm is not always the outcome of sex. But it doesn't make it any less exciting. Well...only if the guy is pounding you for hours waiting for you to cum. But these are not the guys I'd date. A+ for effort, F for technique and creativity.
Otherwise, sex is the entire process and both parties can have a cracking time and not orgasm once.
But it does need a conversation if you are worried about it constantly.

@TwistedWonder knock 'im dead!

Still on a bit of a break for a couple of weeks then going to date again. Couple of opinions please, what age range either side do you consider I’m mid 40s (I only usually go for people older than me but wonder if I should consider same age / slightly younger although it would feel odd for me ?)

What apps do you like best, I’m on Bumble but still feel like a lot of men on there are just out for casual even if they say the opposite on their profile?

Hope it goes well , fingers crossed for you

Aww sorry to hear that. I would chat to him about it. For what it’s worth, it takes me a long time to get to a point with a partner that I can come at all (and even then it’s not through penetrative sex). So with Mr Nomad for example, it was a good few months before I ever did at all when we were together. A good partner will understand; you’re not a robot who can just do it on command if someone programmes you in the right way! Your ex sounds like he lacked understanding and maturity, and that’s very much on him, not you.

I’m 44 and would go 5 years either side.

Cant comment much on the apps as I’m down under so fewer options here. I have used Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. Any mainstream app will have practically anyone trying it, so I find there isn’t much difference between any of them.

@Betsy95 I go no lower than my little brother (almost 34) and maybe 51/52. I'm 41.

No word from Pub Man in almost 24 hours. I sent 2 last night. Might have been too good to be true!

I was out with several couples today and am at home alone (well, with the cat) already. Think I'm realising that I actually am lonely. But trying not to let that cloud my judgement. It's a fine line isn't it!

Well that was a great afternoon. He’s better looking in the flesh than his photos. Went to a pub in a city midway between us. Chatted non stop and it felt very natural.
Stayed about 4 hours and agreed we’d like to meet again.
Lots of eye contact, he touched my arm and hand a few times and a peck on lips as he dropped me off.

He messaged to make sure I got home ok. So all positive. It’s this bit that’s hard though where you wonder if they are interested or not

This is lovely!

Fantastic, so happy for you.

It is such a fine line 💙

Given what you've said, there is no need to wonder 😁

I set my age range to four years either side. My current bloke is a year younger than me and an inch shorter which seemed like a big deal for the first two dates and then stopped being an issue.
I'm eternally grateful that he didn't put his height into his profile as I would not have matched with him and what a shame that would be!
Re apps - Tinder and Feeld. Don't rate any of the others

Oooh so pleased to hear it went well! If he said he’d like to meet again that sounds fairly positive?

I am in my fifties and set my filter to ten years either side, but typically seem to match with people around my own age. I found Bumble was a hotbed of men wanting to hook up regardless of their status on there, maybe I was just unlucky with my selection (I look for long term) but on Hinge the men seem more intentional but there are less of them, you need to be patient. I met Mr Soughdough on Hinge.

"Chatted non stop" is the foundation for something really good. If he's touching your arm he finds you very attractive, and it sounds like you find him attractive too so this is all round a great first date. I have no doubt he's interested but do get that sometimes we think that and they wander off anyway. Keep busy today, keep the positive information in your head, it all sounds great.

klaxons new iron alert! 🔊🔈📢📣

Mr Bishop, date Friday evening 😁

Ooooh exciting!

No dates for me for the next couple of weeks. I’ve got my mum staying all Easter then away the following weekend. Boring…!

Someone please talk me out of flirting with the cute Mr Social when I’m in the office this week 😁

I married my office crush, so I’m afraid I’m not going to be much help here!! Maybe take some holiday!!