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Friendship ended over a sigh.

378 replies

JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 22:36

I'm utterly perplexed by what's happened with me and my friend. Been friends about 15 years, loads in common, had some breaks together, nights in, and nights out. We live in different towns about 18 miles apart and due to opposite work schedules, we don't get to meet up as often as we'd like.

A few weeks ago, we realised Sunday was a day were could both meet up, and arranged to meet at a village close to her town. I had plans late morning / early lunchtime and we discussed meeting up afterwards.

On the day, we spoke on text to arrange a time, she said she had some errands to run, so asked if I could give her a rough time, such as 2pm or 3pm so she knew how much time she had to get things done. I said, let's say 2pm tentatively, but I'll confirm for sure shortly.

Just after midday, I text and said 2pm was looking tight, so can we meet at 3pm. She replied much later saying can we make it quarter past as she's still running errands, no probs I say.

I get to the village at the agreed time and she's not there. After 5 mins waiting, I call to check she's okay and she's only just left her town and will be 10-15 mins. I was busting for a wee, in a farm shop with no facilities. So this is where it started to go awry...

In response to my friend due to be arriving 15 mins late, I inadvertently let out a small sigh, not a deep sigh, literally a short disappointed sigh, followed by me saying, "Oh... okay mate. I'll see you soon then." There was 100% no annoyed tone to my voice. I was looking forward to seeing her. The sigh was totally inadvertent, like rolling your eyes, or like wrinkling your nose in disgust at something.

Well, she went bat shit at me, screaming and swearing at me, "Don't you fucking sigh at me! I've planned my whole fucking day around you! Don't you dare fucking sigh at me!"

I was honestly taken aback by how she went from nought to screaming at me.

I ventured to interrupt her tirade to say it sounds like maybe it's best to not meet up, and let's rearrange. But before I could get a word in, she said, "You know what? You can fuck off. I'm not fucking meeting you now, so fuck off!" Then hung up on me.

I was upset, but thought I'd not bother trying to call her back as she was obviously angry. So, I'd let it settle and drive back to my town.

I got home, and found that she'd blocked me on Instagram, FB, phone and WhatsApp. Which seems way over the top and childish.

I have a separate Facebook account for my work, so I sent her a message from there which probably went to her "Other" inbox.

My message said I was shocked and disgusted at the way she spoke me to me and that while I totally understand the inadvertent sigh may have been annoying, her response to it was wholly disproportionate.

I also remarked that I resented her saying she planned her "whole fucking day" around me. We agreed that 2pm was tentative, I gave her two hours notice to move it and if anything, me moving it to 3pm gave her extra time to get her errands completed.

I finished the message saying that what's done is done, I'm saddened and that I'll post her birthday present that I'd brought with me. (Her birthday was the week we were meant to meet.)

Not heard from her since. I never fall out out with my friends, hence no idea how to navigate it.

As I'm upset, I spoke to a couple of my close friends who don't really know her, one said to leave her be now, the ball's in her court. She agrees with me that her reaction was OTT, but maybe there's a reason.

My other friend said she'd bin her off, even if she came back and apologised, as being spoken to like that would be the last time she's being spoken to like that.

Firstly, AIBU in thinking her reaction (the tirade and mass blocking) was OTT?

Secondly, what would your next steps be? I'm erring on just leaving it.

OP posts:
angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 10:01

@TailorTack The OP isnt the one losing friends constantly.

Her friend is.

There is a tiny clue here......

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:04

aquitodavia · 26/03/2026 09:24

I don't think her behaviour is justified but I do think you need to watch non verbal communication such as sighs and eye rolls, and I don't think you can just wave them off as inadvertent. Ultimately they communicate annoyance and are rude (especially given you had put her back). People who do this often maintain they haven't done/said anything, but they absolutely have, just not with words.

You're right. I've been told my face gives me away a lot. I'm expressive, but don't realise how expressive I am just in small gestures.

OP posts:
JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:06

FarmGirl78 · 26/03/2026 09:28

I think it's YOU who sealed the ending of the friendship.

She obviously has something going on, or was having a really bad day, was stressed and running round in a flap and gave a disproportionate response to your sigh. She then blocked you. At this point you could have messaged saying something like "Hey lovely, big shame about yesterday. I'm gutted we couldn't meet up, and I'm sorry my sigh upset you so much, it wasn't intentional. You were seemed stressed I'm worried about you. Please unblock me so we can chat and sort things. It's not nice knowing you were so angry".

But instead you told her you were disgusted at her, (which you might have been but didn't help resolve the situation by telling her). "What's done is done" is difficult to interpret whether you meant "Let's put this in the past, forget it and move on. Now when are we next meeting up?" or whether you meant "It's over. It's done. I've moved on. I'm done with you". Then you told her you'd post the present - no desire to see her again.

She wrote the contract for ending the friendship and pushed it across the table. And you rubber stamped it and pushed it back. You both sound better off without one another.

I hear what your saying. I reacted in the heat of the aftermath, I was really upset but honestly, I was genuinely disgusted in the manner in which she spoke to me.

OP posts:
Joliefolie · 26/03/2026 10:07

Wow TailorTack! If you rant accusations at a friend then hang up and block them in an attempt to prevent them from a right to reply, you are controlling.

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:08

Shinyhappyapple · 26/03/2026 09:20

You seem to be giving us a lot of drip feeds on your friend’s previous behaviour OP.

Under normal circumstances I would have thought that a person must be under a lot of stress to have reacted like that, even though you had been messing her around a bit all day. I think messaging her to say you were disgusted with her without finding out what was behind her outburst was a mistake. But if she has prior form for this kind of behaviour, then do you want to remain friends?

I've never been at the receiving end of a verbal onslaught from her before. She's been snappy with me plenty of times, she is like that with others too. But I ignore it, I don't rise to it. So we normally have a lovely time when we get together. I enjoy her company.

OP posts:
XiCi · 26/03/2026 10:09

puppyparent · 26/03/2026 00:43

If a friend ever spoke to me like that I’d be completely shocked and assume they were having some kind of personal crisis

Yes, same. I definitely wouldn't be finding a way to contact them to tell them I was disgusted with them. I'd be concerned something was seriously wrong

FarmGirl78 · 26/03/2026 10:10

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:06

I hear what your saying. I reacted in the heat of the aftermath, I was really upset but honestly, I was genuinely disgusted in the manner in which she spoke to me.

Oh I'm not saying you were WRONG to feel disgusted, but the situation wasn't helped by you telling her that at the time.

Ladybyrd · 26/03/2026 10:11

Is there a pattern of you being late for things? I had a friend who would just turn up hours late and not give a shit. It gets very wearing.

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:14

Jollyhockeystickss · 26/03/2026 09:37

I would guess shes been fed up with you for ages and this was the last straw, you were rude as others have said just choose a time to meet, it was her birthday and she probably felt disgarded,

I completely disagree. As my PP said, I tend to flex around her and 80% of the time I go to her town to meet to take the pressure off.

I've supported her emotionally after her mum's death and breaking up with her partner and even helped her out at her side job just so we get to spend time together.

Also, it wasn't her birthday. Her birthday was a couple of weeks before that. She was away for it and the Sunday was the first chance we had to meet and for me to give her a gift a card.

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 26/03/2026 10:14

Why do people always say someone could be having a bad day. So fucking what? If I'm stressed I don't scream at people. Better off leaving her to her tantrums and getting on with your friends who don't treat you like shit.
Maybe op could get decent advice if pp could comprehend what she said and not make up their own narrative.

Womanofcustard · 26/03/2026 10:14

You posted her Birthday present to her after she spoke to you like that?
Wow.

Megifer · 26/03/2026 10:14

Ladybyrd · 26/03/2026 10:11

Is there a pattern of you being late for things? I had a friend who would just turn up hours late and not give a shit. It gets very wearing.

Op wasn't late.

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 10:17

lazyarse123 · 26/03/2026 10:14

Why do people always say someone could be having a bad day. So fucking what? If I'm stressed I don't scream at people. Better off leaving her to her tantrums and getting on with your friends who don't treat you like shit.
Maybe op could get decent advice if pp could comprehend what she said and not make up their own narrative.

Edited

I know right? if I went around screaming and swearing at people just because I'd had a bad day I wouldnt have a job or any relationships left.

Also- all these people who find a sigh so horrifically offensive and yet see absolutely nothing wrong with shouting and screaming abuse at someone 🤣

Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 10:18

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JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:22

Joliefolie · 26/03/2026 09:37

"She's fallen out with most of her close friends at one time or another, on multiple occasions." She obviously has trouble regulating her emotions - immediately blocking you over a sigh is unreasonable. She also sounds like a shit friend, always forgetting your birthday, always apologising afterwards, never actually changing her behaviour (it's not hard to put a reminder in your phone calendar). The fact that you are very relaxed, will "never" fall out with anyone, not even your DP seems to be important to you - it's ok to get angry when someone pushes a boundary, you don't just have to flex that boundary to keep the peace and sweep things under the carpet.

I don't fall out with people as I understand that it takes two people to argue, someone snapping will only escalate if you react. When my DP and I disagree, we talk about it, like adults. Same with other friends.

I have boundaries and if some really pissed me off, I'll talk to them about it, but usually after the event and not when emotions are high.

My friend took away that option by telling me to fuck off and blocking me everywhere. Hence I reacted in kind by firing off a message via my work FB. 🙈

OP posts:
JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:22

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Bit of a reach. But okay. 😂

OP posts:
Kayakerpaddleboarder · 26/03/2026 10:22

It sounds like the arrangements were all devised around your movements that day and she fell in with it and planned hers around it. The fact you inadvertantly let out a small sigh when she told you she was going to be late, speaks volumes. She was accommodating you all day, yet when she is going to be late, its not on. This sounds like you may have form for arranging meet ups based on your days activities. Which may make her feel that you don't really have time for her. The fact she grossly over reacted, signifies she has had enough of your behaviour. It is best to leave her be. She gave you a lot of leeway, you didn't return the favour.

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:23

Womanofcustard · 26/03/2026 10:14

You posted her Birthday present to her after she spoke to you like that?
Wow.

I haven't yet TBH. Our post office closed down and I haven't been able to get to another one. It's still in my car.

OP posts:
Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 10:24

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Worried198423 · 26/03/2026 10:26

People missing thr poong about thr friend falling out with everyone, cancels last minute and ne er remember the ops birthday.
She's not a friend @JalapenoFeverDream .
Breathe a sigh of relief and move on.

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:27

Kayakerpaddleboarder · 26/03/2026 10:22

It sounds like the arrangements were all devised around your movements that day and she fell in with it and planned hers around it. The fact you inadvertantly let out a small sigh when she told you she was going to be late, speaks volumes. She was accommodating you all day, yet when she is going to be late, its not on. This sounds like you may have form for arranging meet ups based on your days activities. Which may make her feel that you don't really have time for her. The fact she grossly over reacted, signifies she has had enough of your behaviour. It is best to leave her be. She gave you a lot of leeway, you didn't return the favour.

This wasn't the case though. We both had things to do before meeting.

Me pushing back the tentative time gave her more time, but obviously not enough as she asked for an extra 15 minutes and then was 15 mins late past that time.

OP posts:
Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 10:27

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JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:28

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Because I thought she'd have calmed down by now, it's been playing on my mind and as I don't fall out with people, I wanted some opinions.

OP posts:
Labelledelune · 26/03/2026 10:28

I’m sorry but this is not a friend. And it looks like she doesn’t think much of you to act like that. I’ve narrowed my friendliest right down and only see people that highlight my life not drag it down. You don’t need people like this in your life.

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 10:29

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FFS, no I hadn't forgotten. I spoke to her on her birthday while she was away. Said I'd bring her gift and card when we meet up.

OP posts: