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Friendship ended over a sigh.

378 replies

JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 22:36

I'm utterly perplexed by what's happened with me and my friend. Been friends about 15 years, loads in common, had some breaks together, nights in, and nights out. We live in different towns about 18 miles apart and due to opposite work schedules, we don't get to meet up as often as we'd like.

A few weeks ago, we realised Sunday was a day were could both meet up, and arranged to meet at a village close to her town. I had plans late morning / early lunchtime and we discussed meeting up afterwards.

On the day, we spoke on text to arrange a time, she said she had some errands to run, so asked if I could give her a rough time, such as 2pm or 3pm so she knew how much time she had to get things done. I said, let's say 2pm tentatively, but I'll confirm for sure shortly.

Just after midday, I text and said 2pm was looking tight, so can we meet at 3pm. She replied much later saying can we make it quarter past as she's still running errands, no probs I say.

I get to the village at the agreed time and she's not there. After 5 mins waiting, I call to check she's okay and she's only just left her town and will be 10-15 mins. I was busting for a wee, in a farm shop with no facilities. So this is where it started to go awry...

In response to my friend due to be arriving 15 mins late, I inadvertently let out a small sigh, not a deep sigh, literally a short disappointed sigh, followed by me saying, "Oh... okay mate. I'll see you soon then." There was 100% no annoyed tone to my voice. I was looking forward to seeing her. The sigh was totally inadvertent, like rolling your eyes, or like wrinkling your nose in disgust at something.

Well, she went bat shit at me, screaming and swearing at me, "Don't you fucking sigh at me! I've planned my whole fucking day around you! Don't you dare fucking sigh at me!"

I was honestly taken aback by how she went from nought to screaming at me.

I ventured to interrupt her tirade to say it sounds like maybe it's best to not meet up, and let's rearrange. But before I could get a word in, she said, "You know what? You can fuck off. I'm not fucking meeting you now, so fuck off!" Then hung up on me.

I was upset, but thought I'd not bother trying to call her back as she was obviously angry. So, I'd let it settle and drive back to my town.

I got home, and found that she'd blocked me on Instagram, FB, phone and WhatsApp. Which seems way over the top and childish.

I have a separate Facebook account for my work, so I sent her a message from there which probably went to her "Other" inbox.

My message said I was shocked and disgusted at the way she spoke me to me and that while I totally understand the inadvertent sigh may have been annoying, her response to it was wholly disproportionate.

I also remarked that I resented her saying she planned her "whole fucking day" around me. We agreed that 2pm was tentative, I gave her two hours notice to move it and if anything, me moving it to 3pm gave her extra time to get her errands completed.

I finished the message saying that what's done is done, I'm saddened and that I'll post her birthday present that I'd brought with me. (Her birthday was the week we were meant to meet.)

Not heard from her since. I never fall out out with my friends, hence no idea how to navigate it.

As I'm upset, I spoke to a couple of my close friends who don't really know her, one said to leave her be now, the ball's in her court. She agrees with me that her reaction was OTT, but maybe there's a reason.

My other friend said she'd bin her off, even if she came back and apologised, as being spoken to like that would be the last time she's being spoken to like that.

Firstly, AIBU in thinking her reaction (the tirade and mass blocking) was OTT?

Secondly, what would your next steps be? I'm erring on just leaving it.

OP posts:
DearDenimEagle · 26/03/2026 08:04

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:02

But why is someone so disorganised when they have a meeting planned?
It says a lot about what they give priority to.

I agree with that but it seems, it was normal routine for them to be less organised

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:04

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 08:02

Do you shout and swear at people who sigh?

So, a small sigh justifies screaming and shouting abuse does it?

If you’re going to be passive aggressive I think that you have to be prepared that some people might actually call you out on it. Not everyone just quietly takes the point.

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:04

Wickedlittledancer · 26/03/2026 08:02

Oh cmon she didn’t accidentally sigh she sighed loud enough for her to hear and to express her annoyance.

So you were there and heard the sigh?
If you're going to comment at least say things that are fact and not your imagination.

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:05

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:04

If you’re going to be passive aggressive I think that you have to be prepared that some people might actually call you out on it. Not everyone just quietly takes the point.

Christ! You sound like Trump!
Someone sighs (supposedly out of earshot) and you'd kick off screaming 'fucking whatever' at them down the phone?

Lovely.

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 08:05

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:04

If you’re going to be passive aggressive I think that you have to be prepared that some people might actually call you out on it. Not everyone just quietly takes the point.

If you are going to shout and swear at people then you deserve to lose friendships and you wont keep them because noone is going to put up with this kind of childish pathetic rude behaviour and the OP even said she's lost friends in the past.

RoseField1 · 26/03/2026 08:05

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:01

I think you need to read the whole thread and how the friend behaved with 'fucking this and that' screaming at her.

You said 'if I were OP's friend I would have already blocked her'

it was OP's friend who was effing and blinding. Who would you have blocked if you were who??

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:06

RoseField1 · 26/03/2026 08:05

You said 'if I were OP's friend I would have already blocked her'

it was OP's friend who was effing and blinding. Who would you have blocked if you were who??

I said nothing like that.
You've misread.

You've got the wrong poster.

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 08:07

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:05

Christ! You sound like Trump!
Someone sighs (supposedly out of earshot) and you'd kick off screaming 'fucking whatever' at them down the phone?

Lovely.

Right? worrying lack of control here.

How do these people function at work - the moment someone sighs in the office they kick of screaming and shouting and swearing? 😆

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:07

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:05

Christ! You sound like Trump!
Someone sighs (supposedly out of earshot) and you'd kick off screaming 'fucking whatever' at them down the phone?

Lovely.

You mean like when someone makes a valid point and the other person kicks off and compares them to Trump..?

Hallamule · 26/03/2026 08:07

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:02

But why is someone so disorganised when they have a meeting planned?
It says a lot about what they give priority to.

Oh bollocks. If Ive planned my day to meet someone at 2, and then they change it to 3, then Im going to have to rearrange stuff too. Why would it necessarily be the case that my stuff is going to perfectly dovetail with our meeting time any more than the OP's?

RoseField1 · 26/03/2026 08:07

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:06

I said nothing like that.
You've misread.

You've got the wrong poster.

Why are you replying to me as if I was replying to you then? I assumed you were the person who posted that since you responded. Weird.

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 08:08

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:07

You mean like when someone makes a valid point and the other person kicks off and compares them to Trump..?

Its actually really concerning that you think shouting and swearing is a proportional response, thats what people are reacting to.

Its unhinged.

Weirdconditionaltense · 26/03/2026 08:09

She sounds hard work. Would you be losing a lot if the friendship petered out ? I couldn't keep friends with someone who I thought might explode on me once again..Best wishes :)

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:10

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 08:08

Its actually really concerning that you think shouting and swearing is a proportional response, thats what people are reacting to.

Its unhinged.

I never said that. I also never said it’s how I would react.

But some people don’t react well to being passive aggressively chastised by someone who lacks the balls to just say “hurry up!”

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:11

In fact I remember at the school gates someone sighed at an older lady for being slow and the old lady turned round and said nicely “sorry, is there a problem?” and the sighing woman nearly died in her hurry to be all “ohh no problem at all…”

Stnam · 26/03/2026 08:14

DearDenimEagle · 26/03/2026 08:01

She wasn’t hanging about..she asked for an extra 15 minutes as she was busy , too

The bigger picture is that OP's friend would have spent the afternoon not quite knowing what time they were meeting, the time was changed by OP at midday with no guarantee it wouldn't be changed again, so tricky to get on with anything especially as they were meeting out of the house. Having to time everything according to the whims of someone else and then getting sighed at because you have to delay the meeting for 15mins would be irritating. When you treat people like that you tend to lose friends but usually in a less dramatic way.

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 08:14

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:02

I don’t believe the two missed calls bit. She said in the OP she was calling “to check if she was ok”. Only when people said she shouldn’t have called after 5 mins did she start saying oh no I was returning her call.

The phone call in itself clearly exasperated the friend in the first place.

Well here you go, two missed calls. I called her back and the call lasted all of 26 seconds.

Friendship ended over a sigh.
OP posts:
LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:15

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:10

I never said that. I also never said it’s how I would react.

But some people don’t react well to being passive aggressively chastised by someone who lacks the balls to just say “hurry up!”

It's not passive aggressive to let out a sigh.
It was a natural response out of frustration and not meant to be heard by the friend.

I don't know why you're so sure it was PA when the OP says it wasn't.

AND any decent person would have said they were sorry to be late and would be as quick as posisble.

Not rant and tell her friend to fuck off or whatever.

DaisyDoodler · 26/03/2026 08:15

JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 00:35

Sadly, we don't see each other enough to regularly irritate one another. When we do manage to get together we spend most of the time catching up and laughing.

You say this, but you both sound very irritated with each other. Her reaction was OTT but then yours also was in return, firing off messages from a second account to say you’re disgusted with her. Feels like there has been lots of unspoken resentment here that has just exploded with the catalyst of the sigh. Also, you say you’re easy going but you messed her around multiple times re times and then sighed at her and then messaged her saying you’re disgusted and now on here arguing back with anyone who makes a point at you. You don’t come across as easy going at all, sorry!!

MinglyMadly · 26/03/2026 08:16

Uvorange · 25/03/2026 22:47

I don’t want to be harsh but I do think yabu.
I’m not really sure why you’d bother to go to a different account to message her just to say you’re disgusted in her, I’m not sure what the desired outcome of that was. And it’s very hot and cold to say that but also that you’d send her bday gift. It sounds like you’re trying to be rude like she was but also get the higher ground.

also to be fair to her it does sound like the timings of the day were completely dictated by you and sighing is rude and you were the one to say you don’t want to meet up with her anymore too.
she obviously wasn’t polite and didn’t handle the situation brilliantly, but I do wonder if things have been building. You can’t do morning you can’t do evening you now can’t do 2pm either, then she changes the time once by 10-15mins and you start sighing. It doesn’t seem like you can see what you contributed to the situation in this instance and I wonder if thats the case on other occasions too

I would either message and apologise
or just leave it

This. She was over the top but sounds like it was building resentment. I can see why from the fact that the timings were so specifically geared around your agenda in a way that meant she was left pending and expected to bend to your exact needs. I'm not explaining it well but the way you've described it I had a friend who was continually like that about our arrangements and it was very tiresome.

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 08:17

LittleBinChicken · 26/03/2026 08:10

I never said that. I also never said it’s how I would react.

But some people don’t react well to being passive aggressively chastised by someone who lacks the balls to just say “hurry up!”

I really dont care if people "dont react well" - its never acceptable to do that and if you choose to act like that then you should EXPECT to have no friends left which is what is happening to this person.

Simple really. Just because you can react in a certain way, doesnt mean there wont be consequences if you do. In general, most people wont remain friends with someone who screams and shouts and swears at them 🤷‍♀️

OP's friend is going to end up very lonely if this is how she carries on.

It's not my responsibility if people cant control their anger or their emotions - thats 100% on them as adults to regulate their behaviour. If they cant or wont do that then they shouldn't expect people to want to hang out with them.

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:17

RoseField1 · 26/03/2026 08:07

Why are you replying to me as if I was replying to you then? I assumed you were the person who posted that since you responded. Weird.

What?

I'm responding to you because you quoted something you said I'd written. And I'd not. You responded to a long thread and maybe the person you meant to reply to was way down the thread.

Wickedlittledancer · 26/03/2026 08:21

LiloLido · 26/03/2026 08:17

What?

I'm responding to you because you quoted something you said I'd written. And I'd not. You responded to a long thread and maybe the person you meant to reply to was way down the thread.

Edited

Are you the op or do you know her? I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone run onto a thread, elbows out and arguing the ops case harder than even she is and taking such extreme offense at anyone who disagrees.

AngelinaFibres · 26/03/2026 08:23

JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 22:57

I dont understand why though. She asked for a rough time so that she knew when to aim for finishing her errands. We also agreed I'd confirm for certain after I got to the event I was briefly attending when I'd have a better idea of how long it would take.

She then came back to me and said she'd not be finished her errands at 3pm and can we push it back 15 mins.

Meeting up is obviously not a priority for either of you if neither of you can put it above other things. Maybe the friendship has run its course.

Nosejobnelly · 26/03/2026 08:25

Sounds like it was the last straw for your friend.

Although she did overreact with the swearing and blocking. Things that seem minor to us can be a big deal to others for many reasons.

Maybr she’ll come round but I def wouldn’t be sending the bday present.