AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Not sure what relevance the children have- unless something has happened and you need him home?

Don’t you see each other when he gets home?

It would never occur to me to phone DH during my working day unless there was something specific to communicate, tbh.

Ridiculous. Hes's at work and you're a grown woman.

Everyone is different but I think you're being a little bit unreasonable, yes. He's at work, let him concentrate on work.

This is unless there is some big medical issue or similar going on that justifies frequent checking in. For example my DS had a short inpatient stay at hospital recently and yes I did keep in touch with dh while he was at work.

If you're just, you know, bored on mat leave - YABU.

I would also say unreasonable - he’s busy, let him get on. If my husband did this whilst I was at work it would drive me mad

Yes.

sorry.

i didn’t have time in my day to text dh every day.

teacher, female.

Yes no need for a daily call. Are you finding it tough with the baby? If so maybe yes but otherwise surely no need

Unnecessary unless you actually need him. Why are you calling so much? Do you work?

Yabu, hes in a manual job not sitting at a desk. I mean yes it would be lovely if he could give a 5 min call or text to check in, but its not compulsory, hes obviously busy and then to see 4 missed calls, I can see how he would be concerned something was wrong.

Sounds like he has the sort of job where he doesn't get a regular lunch break. Maybe if you or one of the dc was ill you might expect him to check in once during the day. Perhaps also to let you know what time he's likely to be home, and whether you need him to pick anything up from a shop on the way back. Otherwise no, I wouldn't particularly expect messages or anything.

What? Why on earth would he need to call you or text you while he’s at work? Do you have a health condition that means someone needs to check in with you to see you are ok? In which case can you have some sort of panic button to alert a neighbour, eg that you or the children might need assistance?

You having children is irrelevant. If there was an issue with them you’d be the one to contact him. He can’t be calling and texting every 5 minutes to ask if everything is ok.

I think everyone has different expectations in a relationship and if you're on the same page its fine. I would never expect a call or a text from DH when he's at work unless he was going to be unexpectedly late. I would let him know if I was going to be over 30 mins late - and he was the one at home with the babies while I worked long hours on variable shifts. I dont understand why you would leave several missed calls unless you had an emergency though.

Why are you ringing him if it's not an emergency? He's working what sounds like a manual job. I wouldn't expect him to check in through the day.

The only time me and husband ring each other during work ours if there's a reason for it.

Are you by yourself with the kids through the day? That can get lonely and the days long.

I don't think my DH ever checked in with me when he went to work ever. But then again, neither did I. We went to work, and saw each other when we got home. The only time we would ever message is if one of us was going to be unexpectedly delayed and just to stop the other from worrying.

I think YABU to expect him to 'check in'.

Do you think you need him to? Why do you message him when he is working? Its a bit clingy and needy, unless you are drip feeding and there is another issue here.

Even if he did have a desk job I'd still say op is unreasonable. Work is work.

Unless as I said, there's some immediate medical issue or similar.

You're either working or you're not, and texting your wife is not working

Sorry but I agree with everyone else, you’re being unreasonable to expect any kind of contact during the working day. You DH needs to be left alone to do his job and enjoy his breaks in peace. Are you a SAHM? Are you finding things difficult? What kind of support do you have around you?

He's at work. He can't be taking personal calls while he's working. A quick text to let you know if he's likely to be particularly early or late, sure, but not phonecalls during his working day.

Could you take personal calls daily in your job, OP? I'm presuming maternity leave because you mention a baby. Are you finding the days long without adult company?

Yes.

He is at work. YABVU

YABU, people don't need to have constant contact with each other. He is at work, and needs to concentrate on that.

It is very clingy to need to have contact, or to keep ringing if he doesn't answer.

Are you by yourself with the kids through the day? That can get lonely and the days long.

I agree with this as a separate issue, it's why I cut my own mat leaves short.

But texting one's DH at work is at best a plaster over the loneliness wound anyway. If that's the issue, OP needs a better solution

You're not 8 are you? Can't you accept that he's at work and not available? Why do you need to check up on him all the time?

I go by the belief 'no news is good news', try it sometime. If anything happens that you need to know about he'll tell you.

For fuck sake some people are soooooo needy !!! He’s at work on the company dime. If there was an emergency then yes. Just for a chat then no absolutely not