AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

I am the one at work and regularly phone hubby between patients
Mainly to remind him of appointments, about tea, has he had tablets (but he has a brain injury and I am his registered carer). But sometimes it's because I miss him or my child and wants to know what they are up too....

If he works with other men, or other people generally, he’ll look a bit of a fool having the wife ringing on and off all day. May be why he doesn’t answer,

There’s a lot to be said for the days before mobile phones and text messaging. We didn’t feel obligated to constantly be in touch. In all my long working life I can recall only a handful of times when I needed to be in contact with home. It’s pitiful.

YABU I don’t think it’s necessary to call whilst he is at work unless there is some emergency that’s pretty major. DH and I rarely call each other when we are working - we wait until the evening to see each other.

Shame you didn't do a poll.

I agree with virtually everyone else.
YABU.
He is at work.
You presumably see him when you wake up and then when he gets in from work.

Give it time. We’re only 3 pages in (at my time of posting) 😂.

I text my DP during the day - we both work on computers so our messages pop up and we can reply whenever.
Things like "ok to take daughter to swimming Saturday?" reply will be "yes x "

But if no reply I don't get upset.

This sounds so controlling.

My DH and I very rarely contact each other during the working day. It only happens if there's a particular special reason to need to make contact and even then it would just be a WhatsApp message to be read when appropriate. I suspect most people are the same.

My husband and I both work desk jobs. We text regularly but not for any nice reasons - just 'who is picking up child A' and 'please grab some bread if you go to the shops' or whatever. I can't think of a single time either of us have sent a message for no reason.

I'm sorry you're struggling but I think you'll need to look elsewhere for socialising while he's at work.

Are you on maternity leave and finding things tough or boring? Yanbu to feel like that.

I think that it’s very reasonable that he thinks that something is wrong because you’ve tried to call 4 times. He’s busy and probably wants to focus on work while at work so let him be unless there’s an actual emergency.

I’ve had jobs where I could text quickly and ones where I could only text at lunchtime but would eager eat and chill rather than have an actual conversation. (I assume they check in means that you want to exchange a few messages about how you and the kids are. If you mean a literal message so you know he’s alive then that’s a different problem)

Ah, he has a 4 year old and a baby. They have hardly been on this earth for 5 minutes. I would be ringing too for an update on my little people. Do you have things to do in the day, OP? Are you lonely? It can be kind of boring with a baby, I can see why you might want a check-in from the other parent. Especially if he has hands-free and is driving, doesn't take a moment.

Bloody hell OP, I’m lucky if I get time for a wee when I’m at work! Contacting my OH is the absolute last thing I’d be thinking of doing - unless there’s an emergency (ill child at home for example)
yabu

Yabvu he's working if you are that bored and lonely get a job

My husband is a civil and structural engineer, I'm a teacher. Our kids are grown up now, but we had four children in six year and I've always worked full time. No paid maternity leave when mine were little.

If my DH had asked me to call or text him during every day, I think we would be divorced. I was way too busy for that level of neediness. If he has sent me a text while working or called me, I would have assumed one of our children was unwell or it was some sort of emergency.

Yes, if you're home alone with the kids, it's a long hard day sometimes, but get out, go to the park or shops and talk to other people. Oldies will love you. Chat to your husband at night.

Why do you expect a call during the working day unless it’s an emergency? So weird what people expect now. Yabu

Exactly this if my partner rang me at work id know it was a emergency

The OP suggests he's working away. Everybody is piling on ignoring that🙄

If there was a way to vote, I would say you are being unreasonable. Unless its an emergency why would he have a few missed calls from you?

if I ever call mine he never answers so I don’t bother now.

he has told me to message if any issues rather than ring and he will ring back.

But even if he works away, she says he contacts her at 5pm every day?

There would be much ribbing in my office if anyone was taking or making multiple calls a day to their partner, totally unnecessary

What is the relevance of him getting dirty?

If there is any importance to the calls why not send a message that he can read and reply too when time permits ie when he's not doing the job he's paid to do

YABU

My DH works in the same small company as me and we only speak during the day if it's work related or he's hungry and wants to raid the snack box

Is he away for a few days at a time?

If he is; then he could send a good morning message and you can talk on the phone in the evening but there’s no need for texts during the day unless you have something urgent to deal with because he is doing a hands on job.

Yes but she's not unreasonable to wish he'd send a quick text before he starts work. That doesn't make her needy or childish or any of the other insults that have been thrown at her.

She says he drives to different areas not that he works away. He could of course work away but she doesn't say that.