AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

You’re being ridiculous. He’s working - stop calling him all day ffs.

That level of neediness would drive me insane

YABU. When the dc were little I would only expect a message if he was going to be back later than usual (he’s usually out of the house 7.30am - 7.30pm). And dh is sitting at a desk all day with the odd meeting, not driving or handling machinery!

we will exchange messages if anything needs sorting during the day (eg a school issue) but no general checking in, even when dc were babies.

So ridiculous, he's at work not jollying around.

Yabu

You are getting some pretty harsh replies OP.
Is there some back story that you haven't disclosed, such as health issues or some reason you feel you need support from him during the day?

I don’t expect to hear from my husband when we’re working. YABU

Yes,you’re being unreasonable.The only times my DH would phone me during the day from work would be if there was something he needed to ask me that couldn’t wait until he got home,eg,if he knew I needed a particular item for tea and did I want him to pick it up on the way home.If one of the DC was off school or nursery he might have called to see how they were feeling.Otherwise we could manage several hours without being in contact.

These responses are all very sensible and correct.

No one asking "is he really at work, bet he's actually with another women, put a tracking in his car etc etc"

This place isnt what it used to be.

Yes. If you're feeling lonely then it can make you feel a bit needy. Humans need something more than kids for company.

But there's no context in the OPs post over the whys.

He's at work.........

Unreasonable except for a call if likely to be later home than usual, or something like an injury happened.

Massively unreasonable. Neither DP or I have ever contacted each other during work day unless one of us actually needed something very urgently.

Several missed calls to him during the work day is crazy imo. Why did you just keep ringing him?

Aren’t you busy yourself?

Do you not live together? Texting “morning” to your spouse after leaving the house would be strange.

YABU…. Totally unnecessary.

I would never use my phone for a personal call at work unless it was an emergency. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to either.

It reads to me like he works away overnight.

Why do you need to speak to him when he’s working? When I’m working I don’t want to be interrupted unless it’s urgent. Fine to maybe text a little update on how your day’s going/pic of kids at park or something. But not to expect a reply or a chat - imo.

OP - if you are missing adult interactions - you need to get some mom friends who are in the same boat.

He does not have time to chit-chat and make you feel less lonely with the kids during the day. It is not his job either. It's unfair to put it on him to be your social outlet.

So - yes, you are being unreasonable to "expect" those daily calls. He is at work and is busy.

Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls

Why have you called him multiple times during the day??

Because of an actual emergency / something wrong with the kids? Or just because you're bored?

How ridiculous. Of course YABVU

Stop being so needy.

I think it’s unreasonable yes. I think a text is a nice to have but shouldn’t be expected. I sometimes will text my husband but it’s usually to check on a plan or if something is going on like a child is unwell or childcare has cancelled. We’re both busy and life is hard enough. If he was calling me and expecting texts all the time that would drive me mad.

but different people have different relationships/time/job. Was this happening before? Is it something that’s changed?

I wouldn't expect DH to call/text me unless he was going to be late, he's paid to work not socialize. Likewise I'd only call him in an emergency (I might text if I want him to pick something up from the shop on the way back), and he is similar so we'd both worry about one missed call never mind four.

Also be careful of crying wolf. If you constantly call and text then when there is an actual emergency he won’t pick up

YABU. This sounds like teenage behaviour.