AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

Such a lovely post!

I think this is what I’m needing right now but I don’t think I’ll get it

I think it’s because you haven’t see him in the morning, that’s the key issue, so it feels like you haven’t spoken for nearly 24 hours (I’m guessing he gets home late and so evenings are short). I often wfh and tend to message my DH much more on those days as there is less other interaction. On days I’m on site or in meetings in person it just seems to go very quickly and I don’t often message.

He's working, absorbed in engineering processes and, if he's anything like me, flat out most of the time. His time literally belongs to his employer.

I'd expect him to call on the way home to ask if you need anything but otherwise yabu.

Yes, you’re being totally unreasonable. Unless it’s an emergency leave the guy alone. He’s at work.

Four missed calls from you a day must be driving him bonkers! Stop it OP. You're being needy and silly and it won't do your marriage any good at all.

But not everyone is capable of doing this during their working day OP. Not texting you whilst he's at work isn't indicative of someone who doesn't love you or care about you. He's just busy!

Is he a good husband and dad when he's home?

What other support do you have? How do you spend your day?
Bothering your husband while he is working isn't going to help. Have you other family around or friends to help beat the boredom?

This is unreasonable and you are acting a bit needy.
Unless you need to reach him for something specific and important during the working day, leave the man alone to get on with his job!

Sorry but yes you are being unreasonable. Its a busy job, and it is just that a job he needs to focus on that

It’s not always been easy but we have got through it together and I think that this gets forgotten in the busyness of life. You are a team not 2 separate people. My partner is also busy but he makes time. He isn’t saving lives or anything so he can find time to send how is your day going. Being at home with 2 young kids is life altering and it can be incredibly lonely. You get through this by staying connected. I seem to be in the minority but it works for us both of us.

No, I'm just not buying these answers. DH and I have both travelled all over the world for work and neither of us has ever been unable to send a quick morning text or make a quick call. Hope your day is ok, call you later takes less than 30 seconds and can go a long way towards creating a good feeling in your relationship. The only exceptions being if we were somewhere with no mobile reception for some reason.

Expecting four long calls a day is unreasonable. To know that you and your family still exist to your partner over the twelve hours they're not at home, not unreasonable.

I’m sorry you are lonely. I remember how long the days were when mine were small if I didn’t get any other human interaction.

It is still unreasonable to expect that from someone at work, though. I get quite snippy with my partner when he disturbs me while I’m working. You need to work on building up a wider network. Have you got a library near you?

I think you need other mum friends really. DH is busy making money for the family.

You do sound a bit needy. I would be annoyed if my husband started ringing me for no good reason during the day. If you're at home all day so you feel a bit bored? Maybe find some activities to do that get you out of the house.

Aw, you have my sympathy, my husband is a civil engineer and works overseas in the Middle East and it's hard when all you have is "kid company", even though my daughter is older, it's not the same as another adult that you cat talk to. Sometimes I really miss just chatting to him about nothing. But that's a me problem. He messages when he gets home and we speak every other day. I do send the odd message but know he won't reply until after work, but it's because I'll forget to do it otherwise and he knows there is no pressure to reply. He works really, (really) long hours and is full on with meetings and work all day so I know he doesn't have time for chatter and would never ignore me on purpose. The best thing you can do it build up a network of other adults that you can ring for a natter. I know my husband would be really upset to think that I was messaging him so much because I was so lonely but he knew he just didn't have time to reply all the time and he would feel really guilty. If he's a good man, don't do that to him.

What do you want text or calls about? Other than an emergency, it’s not really necessary.

Not sure why a 4 year old and a baby would need anything, if both are healthy.

I don't think YABU at all. If he's leaving at 5am and driving to and from jobs, of course he's got a minute or so to put a quick call in to check how you and the baby are. My DP and I speak every lunchtime for a couple of minutes – he calls me – and have done virtually every weekday of the 20 years we've been together, bar holidays. It's become our little ritual and it makes us both feel happy and connected.

I have 3 small children and no time for daytime phone calls and it would annoy me no end if my husband wanted to talk during the day. That’s what evenings are for

Totally BU. Your h is working!

Unreasonable. I’d never call anyone at home whilst at work. Unless there was an extreme circumstance.

Completely unreasonable. He’s at work!

YABVVU, you are a grown woman not a teenager. Why on earth do you need him to call ?

My husband did a similar job and always managed to message me. I'd not expect phone calls or responses but it only ever took seconds to reply it was important to him to know how I was/children were.

He was always like this since I met him. Maybe it's not as natural for your partner? What are you looking for? Just a check in?

Needy, possibly anxious?
Would put me off very quickly, especially if working like that.
Sorry.