AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

YABU, he's working and you'll see him after work.

"I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in."

Yes YABU. My husband is the SAHP, I contact him if I need him to do something. Not just to say hi.

Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong.

He must be getting fed up with so many calls for no reason. Give the guy a break and leave him alone.

You sound very needy and controlling.

but why would you call 4 times? Mobile phones are a bane. If there is an emergency you run the risk of him not picking up because of your previous behaviour.

My DH usually texts me but only when he's on lunch break. We do have DS with additional needs so he knows sometimes I just need a bit of support.
I wouldn't call him unless it was an emergency. Does it not scare your DH when he sees four missed calls from you? My DH would be worried and not at all happy if I then said I just wanted a chat.

Yes, and I’m agreeing with the OP that if he works away then that is a reasonable expectation. Contact during the work day is not. Not really sure why you’re quoting me just to repeat what the OP said, which is what I replied to.

I’ve never known a Civil Engineer (unless grad engineer) to actually get dirty!

Yep YABU. If you are bored and need company, that’s what toddler groups are for.

I can't put into words how unreasonable you are being @Purple100

When I was with my 2 kids on my days off (who are close together in age) I worked 2 days a week when they were preschool, and if DH had been ringing me every day I was off, it would have annoyed me!

Why has he got to phone you? You're not an 11 year old on the first week of boarding school!

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@Purple100 your op isn’t clear about his work schedule. Is he leaving for work from home? Finishing at 5pm & coming back home? If so, then expecting messages or calls during the day is unreasonable.
if he’s working away from home, then a “good morning” before going to work & a call after he finishes is reasonable. Either way, calls or messages whilst at work is unnecessary.

Very unreasonable, no idea why you need to keep checking in.

DH and I have never "checked in" during the working day. We've only contacted each other with good reason. Nothing wrong if you want to do that I suppose and it doesn't get in the way of work, but it's not a normal expectation and it sounds like it's a bit awkward for him.

Is he working away (overnight) or is he just working standard hours? Sorry but if it’s the latter, I don’t think you can expect middle of the working day chats.

But I do remember how lonely it was on maternity leave - are there mother&baby/playgroups you could add to your day?

As others said no need to check in - he’s busy and at work

you sound bored and needy

diff if kids poorly and maybe a quick update

Why would he call you during the working day if there isn't a problem @Purple100 ? What's the point of it?

Because she's saying "I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in"
She's not being needy or controlling as others (not you) have said.

yes, and again… not relevant to my reply.

YABU. Sometimes I message my DH from the office if I'm having a cuppa and have a few minutes. Sometimes he messages me. Often we reply to one another, occasionally we don't. We're both adults who have office jobs and recognise that - emergencies notwithstanding - we're not one another's top priority in that moment.

Me and DH text quite a bit during the day but he's a tradesman so some days or weeks we're unable to talk until he gets home. It's just one of those things.

Yes, you are being incredibly unreasonable. He is there to work, not text. His rest breaks are for him to eat and in a physical job with lots of driving he will need to actually rest and reset, not start texting/calling.

100% this!

Does he not say good morning to you before he leaves?

You sound horribly needy to be honest.

Why would you call him? If you just want to say "I love you", send it in a text. Calls are for things that require an immediate response.