AIBU to expect a call / text during day while DH is at work?

[Purple100]

Quick one
DH job is in civil engineering so very hands on and gets dirty. He drives to different areas around the country and will have short breaks during the day between jobs. Some days he won’t contact me at all until finishing around 5pm or later, most times it’s because I’ve left him a few missed calls and he asks what’s wrong. I would just like a text or a call to say morning or to check in. We have a 4 year old and a baby. AIBU?

To be honest it could be mat leave boredom. I am missing adult interaction I guess. These replies have helped me understand why I’m feeling this way. He works long hours sometime and very occasionally works away for one night, he keeps in touch after work while he’s working away. I

Well it is, because she's saying she wants a morning text so I'm assuming that would allay any worries then there'd be no working hour calls or texts. Not unreasonable.

Hugely unreasonable.

Unless you are 15 and just got your first boyfriend....get a grip.

In 26 years of marriage I have contacted my DH about 3 times:-

1. The elderly neighbour is dead in their armchair - can you call their son as I don't have their number.
2. Our son is in hospital, looks like appendicitis.
3. Your Mother is dying, come home now.

Yabu. He’s at work.

Oh😁fucks sake OP. I've been defending you and you actually have just been ringing for a chat😂

Right, so if he doesn’t work away then you are being totally insane. He is at work. You see him in the morning and in the evening. Why are you calling 4 times a day?

My husband retired before I did (because of our age difference).

The only time he phoned me at work was to say that the GP had ordered an ambulance to take him to hospital with a suspected heart attack.

I wouldn't have expected him to phone me for a chat while I was in the middle of work.

yes massively unreasonable hes at work not on his jollies! Why are you so clingy?

Contract during the day is for emergencies or things like a quick txt can you pick milk up etc. you don’t need to be so needy

And the reason I asked if he works away is because he could simply be leaving for work early before she is totally awake, so she then expects a good morning when she wakes up.

Thats why I asked, and agreed she was reasonable only if he was working away for days at a time.

Turns out he is not. That’s why you need to check.

I wouldn't expect a barrage of phone calls, but I actually don't think it's unreasonable to expect a text at some point during the day. How's your day going? See you tonight x Doesn't seem like an unreasonable amount of contact with the person you've chose to marry and procreate with. We've both worked busy stressful jobs, but I would say there's generally some contact at some point most days, even if it's just logistics - we've been invited to X on Friday or Did you manage to get the GP appointment for DS? Although to be fair, we've both had large amounts of flexibility.

OP, if he's driving, does he not ever give you a call on speaker, even to chat with the 4 year old for a minute or two?

If you're relying on your working husband to relieve your maternity boredom, you need to get out and about more. During the working day it's not on him to entertain you.

My husband and I may send the odd text to each other during the day. However, you have stated your husband is hands on at work, gets dirty and has to drive around to different jobs. Therefore, he's not always available and is busy...my guess lunch is likely taken on the move or when he can.

Your husband doesn't have the type of role, where he can text/call, just for a chat. You need to accept that he's isn't available whilst working, and only message/call if it's urgent.

Really unreasonable. And irritating frankly.

I only ever ring my husband if I need NEED to speak to him... Emergency related or time sensitive which cannot wait until he is home.

I messaged a few times, but mostly so I don't forget to mention it when he's home. I don't expect a reply, he does if he can or if it's needed.

We do tend to exchange WA messages during work days, usually at lunch. I’m a lecturer, and DP works in quite a meeting heavy office job, so messages can go unread for some time. They are usually of the “can you pick up XY from the supermarket on the way home?” variety though, or if one of us is going to be late back. Never phone calls.

On WFH days (two a week for him, one for me) there will always be photos of the cat sent to the person not WFH!

YABU. chat to him when he gets home. Phone him only in the event of an emergency etc

This. I genuinely can't think of a time I have called DH at work apart from to ask / speak to him about something important (maybe a handful of times over a year, if that?!).

He's getting 4 missed calls from you a DAY?!

I have only ever rung my husband when one of us have needed to pick up the kids from school or nursery. A phone call to us would usually indicate an emergency or something urgent to sort.
A will text him sometimes on my lunch break but that is usually reminders or passing on information e.g. late home tonight as taking kids to a club, washing is in dryer can you get it out. Mundane stuff. I wouldn't ever text a how's your day going message.

Sorry @Purple100 Incredibly unreasonable tbh.

He is at work. I think you are right and you are bored and need adult company-
but you can't be calling DH all the time because you are bored.

Use this as motivation to get out-baby groups, classes, coffees etc or invite friends round for a coffee.

I don’t think there has been a day that’s gone by in the 6 years we’ve been together that my partner hasn’t messaged me. We talk a lot about all sorts. Kids, projects, dinner etc. When I was on mat leave he always rang for a chat when he could. If he didn’t then I knew he was busy but it was rare he didn’t ask how my day was going. I love him for this.

Yes unreasonable and needy, and slightly pathetic !

Why would he need to say morning to you? Don't you live together?

We live together but he’s out the door by 5am before I wake up. So we hadn’t have spoken since saying good night and the till the next evenings he’s home.