wanting another baby

[hayley88]

iv got a son whos now one and i want to try for another baby. my partner says he does not want to at this moment in time but the reason is because of his mum and dad. Hes afraid that they will be to upset and disapointed in him. I have told him several time thats we are our own family now no-one elses opinion matters if we are happy then they should be. I say to him would u be happy if i got pregnant and he says yeah so i say well why cant we try......its really getting to me hes to concerned what other people think but all im concerned about is me and my family (my partner and child). i get lectured everytime i go to his house by his 15 year old brother sayin you cannot have another baby do you want to struggle all your life..... i dont struggle i cope very well and all i want in life is my family im sorry for blabbing on im just sick of everyone ruling our lifes and stopping us doing what we want to do im life.

Why do people not want you to have another baby? Are the reasons valid?

are you very young? Maybe they are concerned about that? (I was a teen parent btw so am not putting you down)

Do you have enough space, money, time, etc?

im 20 and my partner is 19.... we are both excellent parents and provide the best we can for my child... my partners got a job earning £190 a week so money isnt bad plus on top of that uv got my mney weekly i dont understand because his mother had my partner then 6months later got pregnant with his brother and so on and she says she never regrets it.... my sister is 23 and on her 3rd child and her and her partner are very happy and i want that i told my partner when i got pregant that i want a huge family and he agreed its just getting me down because this is all i want!!

To be fair I can understand why others have reservations, £190 a week is not a lot of money... what is your money? Do you own your own home?

my money is £140 i week no we do not own are own home we are waiting to move into a flat.

So where are you living??

at the moment im at my mothers which is a four bedroomed house so its not like were cramped but we are hoping to move out in the next month or so.

ahh, that explains it a bit.

i think once they see you more settled in your house coping alone and in your own place then the noises will stop.

i know this sounds annoying but you really do have lots of time to have another. Also a bigger age gap is easier to cope with! I have 2.4 yrs between dc1 and dc2, but 3.6 years between dc2 and dc3 - SOOOOO much easier.

thank you i suppose once were in our own home then we will be able to decide on our own what to do and whats best for us x

I'm not sure you're in a position to argue really, when you're settled and providing for yourselves perhaps these decisions will be yours alone with noone to answer to.
My parents were in your position but they waited to buy their own home (really needing to stand on their own two feet) before they 'burdened' (my mother's words) her parents with more family.

but to be truthful its nothing to do with them if we want to expand our family were not children were responsible adults and we can more then cope. its there grandchildren but thy cannot stop us having our children we are our own people and we make our own decisions.... but thanks for your point of views xx

Hayley, you sound a little irresponsible to be honest. You are living in someone elses house and you expect to do adult things like have children without showing that you can provide the most basic things like a roof over your head. You would have more respect from your parents and parents in law if you had your own house. I understand the pull to have another child, but part of being a good parent is providing for your children.
You last response was a little childish, I'm sorry to say.

it is to do with them if you are living in their house, tbh.

also money stretches alot less further living on your own than in a shared house.

I had my first baby at 17 and lived with my boyfriend alone - we had to, to be responsible and to do it alone. I am now 23 and have 3dc, our own home, car and we do it ourselves - you need to aspire to that first, and then have a baby.

i do totally understand the need for a baby, but why not plan the new flat first, decorate etcand then welcome a pregnancy?

excuse me i provide everything for my child and iv been tryin to move out since i was 16 its actually my parents that do not want me to move out! i am not irresponsible i provided for me my child and my partner before he got a job on £140 a week and we coped fine....he turned one had £180 for his birthday and a £80 birthday party.... your trying to tell me that i dont provide for my child that is all i do from getting up at 8am and goin to bed at 8pm all i do is provide and look after my child my child is my world and u can tell i spend all my time on my child my child is very clever at the age of one hes putting sentences together counts to 5. i am not childish i came on here for sumne to talk to not to be dictated to by a woman i dont even no tellin me i dont provide for my child you do not no me so dont u dare judge me thats bang right out of order. My child is my world and theres nothing i wudnt do for him only because i havnt got my own place at the moment ur telling me im irresponsible and dnt provide for my child properly. how dare you!

thank you scorpio1 for your advice and not dictating to me x

I also can understand why family think you should wait a while before bringing another child into the world.

Whilst you may be financially ok whilst still living at home, wait until you move and have to pay rent, gas, electric, water rates, tv licence etc. Then it will really hit home money wise.

Your OH may also have doubts as to whether now is the best time to have another child bearing in mind you are still living at home with no lease in sight for your own place.

Wait until your in your own place and have the basic furnishings etc and see if you are coping with the ever increasing bills and food costs then you can make a more sensible choice.

hayley i'm sure no-one meant you are a bad mum or questioned your devotion to your baby.
i don't want to sound patronising but living on your own is a lot more expensive than staying with your mum. try writing out a realistic budget of a household with your mum, include everything like gas electric telephone, tv licence, water, council tax, mobile phone bill, food shopping, nappies and baby stuff, travel expenses, anything else you can think of. then see how far your money would go. at least you will be prepared.

Insted of him having a £80 birthday party he won't remember you could have put that away as a down payment on a house or flat.
No-one said that you son isn't clever so the fact he can count to 5 and speak well has nothing to do with anything.
You do need your own place really before you have any more children because it is very very very different from living with parents I am 20 my patner is 26 we have a 2 year old son and another baby on the way, but we have bought a house both work and drive have very steady financal situation and only when we had all this did we try for a second baby.

"Coping" is not just about night wakings and feeding though, is it?

You don't have a place of your own. You have very little money (let's agree that £190 is not much for a family to live on). You can't have any higher education at ages 19 and 20, already with a 1 year old child.

If you stop to think about the future of your family, how is it going to help to have another baby just now?

I understand why you would think it is 'normal' or even desirable to have babies when so young if women around you have become mums of 2-3 when so young, but do think about this.

Oh and btw when we lived with our parents we paid about £100 a week between us now we live on our own our morgatge, bills, food, nursery fees and petrol come to well over £1500 a month

i have been trying to find my own place for over to years now iv been on the housing 3years but i am not getting anywhere and i have had depression over my housing situation but i have been told over and over again by my parents that they do not want me to move out but me and my partner do and its not like we have not been tryin but the places we have been looking at dont accept pets or children we are finding it a struggle as we dont want to live in ruff areas and bring our children up in them circumstances. We have saved up for when we get our own place we have been saving since we was 17 and have over £3000 for wen we move into our own home for furniture etc i am young but i am very strong headed and i no what i want from life. I am good with money and can save and make money last i am the best mother i can be and my child means more to me then anything else and i no he will have a good child hood x

I'm sure you will do the best for him you sure sound like you will but you really need to get settled in a house or flat before you have another in my opinion because it is soo expensive to live on your own and untill you have done it you really can't understand.

i no coping isnt night wakings and feeding my child doesnt wake in the night lol and my partner is a plumber but is waiting to do his gas course as he cannot get a job in big firms unless he is colgi registered so we have got a god education i didnt get pregnant til i was 18 i had left college and everything before i got pregnant my partner was in college studying up until my son was 7months old.

and were not living of £190 a week were living of £330 a month lol £190 is just my partners income x

330 a month?

how will you afford to live alone?