Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

wanting another baby

315 replies

hayley88 · 17/06/2008 09:16

iv got a son whos now one and i want to try for another baby. my partner says he does not want to at this moment in time but the reason is because of his mum and dad. Hes afraid that they will be to upset and disapointed in him. I have told him several time thats we are our own family now no-one elses opinion matters if we are happy then they should be. I say to him would u be happy if i got pregnant and he says yeah so i say well why cant we try......its really getting to me hes to concerned what other people think but all im concerned about is me and my family (my partner and child). i get lectured everytime i go to his house by his 15 year old brother sayin you cannot have another baby do you want to struggle all your life..... i dont struggle i cope very well and all i want in life is my family im sorry for blabbing on im just sick of everyone ruling our lifes and stopping us doing what we want to do im life.

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 17/06/2008 12:50

We did.

JodieG1 · 17/06/2008 12:51

Sarky means sarcastic.

CoteDAzur · 17/06/2008 12:52

"hes wont be like you low minded people when hes grows up"

No comment.

CoteDAzur · 17/06/2008 12:53

Ho ho ho.

Twelvelegs · 17/06/2008 12:53

I feel sorry for you as you were obviously thinking that you would get support for your decision. We (and I make massive assumptions here)all have or do work for our living, and or dh's work and contribute to our financial situations. We have all witnessed the misery that is born out of an existance that comes from benefits and a low income, we all get pissed off that our hard earned money gets whipped away to support people making follish decisions to have children they can't afford whilst our parents/grand parents wait for months for hospital appointment, or the class sizes get larger in our state schools.
You are asking us to financially support your family because you can't.
I don't know how tax credits work but I'm shocked that you and your partner qualify when you live with a relative, are you sure you are entitled to it??

NotDoingTheHousework · 17/06/2008 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CoteDAzur · 17/06/2008 12:54

I have to go and take DD to the zoo but will be back. This thread is priceless.

Twelvelegs · 17/06/2008 12:54

foolish (is this catching??)

NotDoingTheHousework · 17/06/2008 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twelvelegs · 17/06/2008 12:59

NDH, I keep having flashes of this not being real, but she sounds too convincing as a teenager with a teen's logic.

NotDoingTheHousework · 17/06/2008 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie · 17/06/2008 13:01

this thread is funny,sorry hayley.i agree get house sorted out first,make a family home-of your own,not your parents.then think about adding to your family.you come across as being very defensive and dare i say a bit odd-laughing or grinning in random places.

meemar · 17/06/2008 13:10

I agree with posters who have said that Hayley's approach to having another baby is a bit naive and immature, given that she still is living with her parents, and she and her partner have not experienced what it is like to fully support themselves.

However, the comments about her spelling, education, saying she should use another forum instead of mn, and that she is living off taxpayers are horribly judgemental. I can't believe people are openly laughing at her.

IIRC Hayley has said her DP works. Council houses are not just for people on benefits and there is nothing wrong with trying to get on the list for one. The fact is, that there are so few houses available, that they go to the people with greatest need first.

Twelvelegs · 17/06/2008 13:12

Council houses should be for people who are struggling not as a cheaper choice for people who want to start a family before they can support one.

meemar · 17/06/2008 13:16

Council houses are not free - do you realise that?

If a young family with one parent working was fortunate enough to get a council house they would have to pay rent.

fifisworld · 17/06/2008 13:23

I think what people are trying to say is, use the time where you dont have rent and bills to save up money so that you can afford it when you move out on your own.
I was staying at my dads for 6 months while our flat went through and durring that time me and dp saved almost both our months wages to use when we did move.

TillyScoutsmum · 17/06/2008 13:28

hayley - I think the most important thing here is that your DP is not ready for another baby yet. Maybe with his CORGI course, his driving test, saving for a house and a one year old, he just feels it would put too much pressure on you both at the moment.

I really understand the broodiness (especially as your baby is becoming a toddler and you probably miss the "baby" stage) but you really do have all the time in the world.

Enjoy your son and save your money. Let your dp get his career sorted and build a home together and then think about adding to your family

Notyummy · 17/06/2008 13:29

I mostly agree with Meemar. Tempting as it is, the OP's spelling and grammar has no bearing on the argument and shouldn't be brought into it...although they may be relevant when discussing her possible future career prospects I suppose.

I do, however, firmly agree that people should not be expecting a council house so they can more easily have children when they cannot live independently with one child.

Hayley's dp works, which is great. Hayley...can't we convince you that your lives would be much fuller if you waited, worked and saved (and studied if possible) and concentrated on the beautiful child you have, before expanding your family? Whether you believe it or not, on the figures you have quoted you are unlikely to be able to survive with real difficulty on your own, and so may need support from your parents...and it these handouts that they will understandably get hacked off with.

My brother and sister in law are in your position (only worse, because they now have a insolvency agreement and so ANY spare cash they get must go into that) and the family feels duty bound to support them, but FURIOUS at their decision to have another child when they cannot support the one they have on my BIL's wage of £14k, plus tax credits etc. We don't want to see the children suffer, so will chip in....but yes, we do judge them and see them as immature and unable to control their impulses. My MIL, who has worked hard to raise 4 kids should not be having to hand over cash to raise her grandchildren as well...its not fair!

meemar · 17/06/2008 13:30

fifi - I know what people are saying and I actually agree with them (see my first post )

I was objecting to the mocking, and mean personal posts about Hayleys level of education and comment she doesn't belong on MN.

fifisworld · 17/06/2008 13:33

Meemar - sorry, was directing it at hayley as well, its so much easier when you've got a bit of money behind you. Dp woks full time and gets good money and im on maternity leave until sept and we are finding it a stuggle and we have everything we need

warthog · 17/06/2008 13:41

hayley, why should you have a council house? why do you deserve the bulk of your money to come from benefits?

i worked f*cking hard for my money, never relied on my parents and waited to have my family. scrimped and saved for what i've got.

yes, you've got some serious growing up to do. start by studying in the evenings and stop living off your mum and the state.

meemar · 17/06/2008 13:46

no worries fifi!

I have experienced both ways. With DS1 we had nothing - we had returned from travelling with no jobs, no money and living at MIL. I got pg within 2 weeks of returning home . It was hard. I worked until DS was born and we lived with MIL until he was 4 months when we eventually moved out. DH was on a training course and we received housing benefit. By the time DS1 was a year old I was broody again - we knew we wanted another baby but we new we had to sort ourselves out financially.

DH qualified, and started his business and we still struggled for a bit, but we went on to have DS2 knowing that we could support him ourselves.

I completely understand the urge to have another baby, and having had a baby with no money and relying on family, I know it can be done. But it was far easier and less stressful when we felt more secure and in control of our own lives.

MsDemeanor · 17/06/2008 13:57

I think people are being absolutely vile to Hayley. The sneering at her misspellings and grammatical errors is so unkind. Trying to hound someone off a free website because she's not your 'type' (basically because you think she's 'common') is extremely unattractive.
So what she lives with her parents. What business is that of anyone but her parents, and they don't seem to mind. I thought extended families were supposed to be a good thing. And why shouldn't she have a council house. I was brought up in one and so was my husband, and so were plenty of good people. The bulk of her money doesn't come from benefits. I get benefits too - and I bet you lot do. Child benefit ring a bell? Tax credits? Disability Living Allowance? It's not shameful to have these things.
It seems this young couple do want to better their lives, train for a useful career and have children that they will love and care for. LIke other people, I think there's no rush, and it might be a good idea to wait until your boyfriend has got his qualification and is earning decent money, and maybe he thinks that too, as he is only 19, and perhaps he agrees with his parents - it's worth talking about it with him very calmly. You clearly love being a mum, and I think that's wonderful. Plenty of older, much richer women than you that post here get far less pleasure from it than you do.

MsDemeanor · 17/06/2008 14:01

Actually I've just read a bit more of this, and I'm horrified. This is by far the snobbiest thread I have ever seen. It's hideous.

meemar · 17/06/2008 14:03

I was by it too MsDemeanour.

I hope Hayley hasn't been put off MN for life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread