wanting another baby

[hayley88]

iv got a son whos now one and i want to try for another baby. my partner says he does not want to at this moment in time but the reason is because of his mum and dad. Hes afraid that they will be to upset and disapointed in him. I have told him several time thats we are our own family now no-one elses opinion matters if we are happy then they should be. I say to him would u be happy if i got pregnant and he says yeah so i say well why cant we try......its really getting to me hes to concerned what other people think but all im concerned about is me and my family (my partner and child). i get lectured everytime i go to his house by his 15 year old brother sayin you cannot have another baby do you want to struggle all your life..... i dont struggle i cope very well and all i want in life is my family im sorry for blabbing on im just sick of everyone ruling our lifes and stopping us doing what we want to do im life.

i apologize - the majority of her income is not from benefits.

i think there is a lot to be said for working and saving for what you want, rather than this 'have it all now' culture that has crippled the economy.

MsDemeanor, your points are valid and it was a little cruel to point out her spellings however child benefit is for all and so not really a benefit. So no I've never had any benefits and do not considered needed benefits the same as having another child when you can't afford your first.
There's something wrong with a society when the aspirations of it's youth amounts to state housing and a living supported by benefits.

She doesn't want 'it all' though does she? She wants a baby. She has a roof over her head with her family who seem happy to share their home with their daughter and grandchild, she has a partner she loves, she manages on a low income very well and clearly adores parenthood and has experience working with children. Her partner, though only 19 is sensibly getting the training he needs for his family's future - ie learning to drive and getting proper plumbing qualifications. They seem entirely nice, decent people, and don't deserve the horrible snobbish, patronising attacks on her.
I hope she has a lovely lunch and enjoys playing with her baby.

She does support her child, as she has stated many times!
She does not aspire to a 'living supported by benefits' - she is looking forward to her boyfriend qualifying in a truly useful and important career and earning good money. I think it's a shame that so much social housing has been destroyed so it's seen so much as a last resort. When I was growing up (in a council house) it was an entirely reasonable and respectable thing to do, and certainly an option for working families. Why is it such a low aspiration? Why are people so convinced that the only route to Hyacinth Bouquet type respectability is buying your 'own' house?

i don't think you can deny that having a child takes quite a lot of resources, which this young couple don't have YET. they aren't able to move out of their parents' home with one baby, let alone two.

sure, it's great that the dp is bettering himself, but he's not there yet. they should wait until he is. i'm sure it won't take long. no hurry is there?

Her DP works. Where does it say she is on benefits?

She is aspiring to have her own home, that's all, whats wrong with it being a council house? If she is fortunate enough to get one it has far more advantages than renting privately . Many, many people can't afford to buy, so aspiring to own your own home is pie in the sky for people on low incomes.

Hiya Hayley,

its me!

I haven't read the whole thread yet but I know the situation in reality and didn't know you felt this strongly about it, though I did know that you wanted another

We need to have a talk I think!

I love you so much

Will phone you later xx

Actually people all over the world bring up babies with far less than these young people have.
I think the best reason to wait is that Hayley's partner is unsure about having another baby so soon. Perhaps he would like to wait until he is qualified.
I don't think it is so terrible to live other generations of your family. What harm is it causing anyone? How could be anything other than good for the children? And Hayley does envisage moving out. I get the feeling she is a pretty resourceful young woman who will make a very good mother to two children. Probably a happier and calmer one than I manage to be.

As regards benefits and council houses it IS shameful to have these things if you haven't put in your time as a proper member of society and actually paid something into society before taking. 'Common' doesn't come into it-feckless does. Yes i'm snobby about people who don't contribute and I refuse to collude with it or apologise for it.

On the subject of social housing I'm sorry it's hard to swallow but if you are living in a council house then the taxpayer is paying your bloody rent;-so no it's not a case of "Hyacinth Bouquet aspiration" it's a case of pulling your weight in the world. Council houses should go to those who physically can't work.

So she 'aspires' to have her own home. Well I aspire to be a ballet dancer but with her wanting another child and me eating mars bars all day, both aspirations are meaningless.

I've had to stop reading this thread as its actully made me really quite angry and upset.

You all come across very condesending and judgemental.

I know Hayley better than anyone and I'm not going to air my views on here but talk to her in private but I will say she is a fantastic mum!

I had MY first child whilst I was living with my mum and got pregnant with my 2nd child whist STILL living at home and everything turned out fantastically for us ... its not always doom and gloom.

Im not going to post my opinions on here anymore as its far to personal for me and I know I will get too emotional!

Pembslass I live in a council house and I pay 100% of my own rent, nobody pays a penny for me so thats a load of shite!

Disenchanted - when you posted that you knew Hayley I thought this would happen

Sorry you've had to read the nastiness posted on this thread, in amongst it there have been some helpful and supportive threads. I hope you are able to advise Hayley as a friend and hope she hasn't been too upset by it all.

Shes my sister.

I get pissed off with people who take easy routes, expecting the support of the state. There are people on these boards with genuine needs that cannot be met because of a culture of 'entitlement'.
My mother grew up in council accomodation in a time when many of it's inhabitants had fought in a war or had been bereaved, these were the respectable ones, or Mrs Smith in a wheelchair. People still frowned at the families where one or both parents couldn't be arsed to get a job.
It just seems childish to want things you can't afford, especially when that thing is a new life that gets more and more expensive.

Disenchanted, you have three children?

Pembslass you are mistaken.

Council houses are not for people who are physically unable to work, nor 'should' they be. They are designed for people in social need. This includes working people on low incomes.

Sadly because there is such a shortage of them, people without extreme need will often be on a waiting list for years.

Hayley is as entitled as anyone else to put her name on the list for a council house.

I have 2 and am pregnant with my third

COUNCIL HOUSING is for those who are on low incomes! You do not have to be in a wheelchair or a war veteran to be entitled to it!

Neither do you have to be jobless or so poor that you have to recieve benefits to pay the rent!

Council housing is there for people who CAN afford to pay rent (although not the extortinate rent that is expected in the private sector) Its there as an affordable means of housing for the working classes as well as for those who do not have the means to work!!

i think that waiting until her DP wants another baby, would be the best thing

and that they have a home of their own and know htey can manage

you have youth and time on your side

what is the hurry?

you need to think long term and work out what your goals are for yourself ..

what career or job you want

where you want to be

where your DP wants to be

but before you start TTC, get your DPs course finished and get a place of your own, then you really can stick two fingers up at everyone who doubted you

if you do blithely go ahead and do what you want without listening to anyone else, least of all the people who are housing you, then you deserve to get a bit of stick

yes, you have been given a bit of a hard time, especially with regards to your writing style, you need to take a few knocks sometimes to understand the bigger picture.

life is not just about coping, it is about enjoying and having fulfillment and not just doing what you want as soon as you want to.. waiting for things makes them even more precious

good luck

Disenchanted I'm sorry that this thread is difficult for you to read since it concerns you and your sister but I cannot withdraw my points of view. Your rent as well we both know is well below what you would be paying for a mortgage or private rent PLUS if you are able to buy your council home you would be able to do it at significantly less than the avergage Joe therefore putting you at an advantage. I'm sorry but that's the reality and i'm not talking "shite".

Perhaps the Op would be best to wait until her partner felt ready for another child. Even if she doesn't agree with other peoples opinions.

bullying thread
and young mothers say that people judge them
Free country and all that

Yes it IS well below ... because we CANNOT afford private rent OR a mortgage.

If we as a famnily HAD to rent privately and council housing wasn't available to us we would be HOMELESS and thats the absolute truth.

I am entitled to council housing and Im not going to go into my finances with you or try to justify myself to you when I have no reason to.

The way I was brought up was not to take handouts and to earn my keep, I think hayley should do the same. I can't imagine thinking it was okay to have one child and live at home let alone two.
Sometimes our economic environment should have some control over our decisions.

to me, the most important and most salient point is that her partner does not want another baby right now.

Darrell, I think this would have been the same if the OP was 35 and/or living on full benefits.