Husband won't have sex with me

[Brasshandle]

Married to DH for 10 years. I love him, he's pretty good as a dad and we are a good team. We get on well and I enjoy his company. We have never had a wild sexual relationship, and my libido has always been higher than his. But it's now been a year since we last had sex. And before that one time, another year. I think since our youngest was conceived in 2019 we have had sex five times.
Every one of those times came after me repeatedly suggesting it, to the point of almost nagging. I bring up regularly the fact that we never do it, that I think it's unfair and that I wonder if he fancies me. He just shrugs and says he's tired or that we will at some point. We never do.

I don't think I'd ever have an affair, and I don't want to leave him for very many reasons (largely because apart from this one thing it's all good). But I get so frustrated sometimes I could cry. And I just miss something I enjoy a lot. The thought of a sexless life or a pity shag once a year is so sad. It was my birthday last week. Kids away, got all dressed up, and he ended up eating and drinking too much and saying he just wanted to go to sleep.

He isn't massively physically affectionate either, but I get hugs from the kids!

I don't know what advice I want really. I am just feeling sad.

Likely he just doesn’t find you sexually attractive anymore. I don’t mean to be unkind and hope I’m wrong 😭💔

So basically he’s your best friend.

But that’s not all a husband should be.
I’d be sitting him down and having the “it’s clear that we love eachother but you aren’t in love with me” chat. Becuase you need to decide where to go from here. Otherwise you will just…sit out your whole life.

He’s just not that into you…..

Well i'm a male in the same situation as you, i find it a little more surprising that a man would turn down the advances of a woman that he loves but seems it does happen, i'm still trying to come to terms with it and like you i'm unsure what the future holds, what i do know is i won't be dying lonely and unloved/unwanted. (I've clocked up 5 years without intimacy so far so i'm stunned, waiting for it to happen, well, it hasn't!)

So far, aside from the obvious reasons why you might be rejected such as your partner having an affair, low labido or poor hygiene, all of which i can rule out and i hope you can too, the only reasonable explanations i can find relate to hormonal changes and emotional disconnection, have a read about them as the latter can stem from emotional trauma relating to unresolved issues/arguments/differences and lack of intimacy among other things, i can't say any of it has helped me but you may find something in it.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, if it's any consolation i know exactly how you feel and wouldn't wish it on anyone. #lonelylife

He doesn't want to have sex with you. I don't think it's fair he can't tell you why. But it's possible he just isn't. A sexual person, our say sex has never been high on his agenda. Or he's not attracted to you, maybe he never really was but you were good on paper to build a life with.

I don't believe someone should have sex they don't want. Man or woman. I don't believe sex is a thing you owe your partner whether you want it or not. He doesn't want to have sex, and he shouldn't if he doesn't want to.

DH and I are both highly sexual people . Both of our sex drives have plummeted lately. We're both overweight. I'm pregnant. He's on monjaro. We have a stressful life ATM. We have discussed what would happen in the future if one of us wanted sex the other couldn't fulfil. If it was a physical issue we agreed that there are either ways of satisfying the other partner and we would still want to do that for the other person. If it was a case of one not wanting to have sex then we would allow the other to have sex elsewhere. We have had sex with others, we are rather secure in our relationship and in the others commitment to one another. Sex is a thing, it is a need, or a pleasure, it is not love.

So when I say, I think you should raise the option of you meeting that need elsewhere, take that in the context of my own relationship. It does not work for everyone. But neither does celibacy.

I’ll say it again 😬😖 he doesn’t want to be intimate with you 🤷‍♀️😪